AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

[mehdi62b]

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58,68, and 78 ? At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!! At 78 - What story??? What bed??? Who are you???

...

[Ejaz]

...

[Deniz]

I took two years of German in high school. I learnt a lot too, sure...

Ich un du
MurleB ku
MurleB eissel
das bist du!

[mrRee]

i know some..

ACHTUNG
WAHNSINIG

[Pinky98]

FYI: 1 gallon is approx to 3.8 litres for those who don't know...

----------------
USS Constitution
----------------

The following tale is from the history of the oldest commissioned warship in the world,
the USS Constitution. It comes by way of the National Park Service, as printed in
"Oceanographic Ships, Fore and Aft," a periodical from the oceanographer of the US Navy.

On 23 August 1779, the USS Constitution set sail from Boston, loaded with 475 officers
and men, 48,600 gallons of water, 74,000 cannon shot, 11,500 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum. Her mission: to destroy and harass English shipping.

On 6 October, she made Jamaica, took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum.
Three weeks later, Constitution reached the Azores, where she provisioned with 550
pounds of beef and 2,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.

On 18 November, she set sail for England where her crew captured and scuttled 12 English
merchant vessels and took aboard their rum. By this time, Constitution had run out of
shot. Nevertheless, she made her way unarmed up the Firth of Clyde for a night raid. Here, her landing party captured a whiskey distillery, transferred 13,000 gallons aboard
and headed for home.

On 20 February 1780, the Constitution arrived in Boston with no cannon shot, no food, no
powder, no rum and no whiskey. She did, however, still carry her crew of 475 officers and
men and 18,600 gallons of water.

The maths is quite enlightening:

Length of cruise: 181 days
Booze consumption: 1.26 gallons per man per day (this does NOT include the
unknown quantity of rum captured from the 12 English merchant vessels in
November).

Naval historians say that the re-enlistment rate from this cruise was 92%.

[cilu]

Well, I'm currious to know where have the 74,000 (!) cannon shot been fired.

[sunnypalsingh]

here's Mine

Q: What's the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

[sunnypalsingh]

Please get up!

Once a newly married couple had a quarrel as a consequence of which, all conversation between them stopped. Unfortunately the husband was to attend his office very early the next morning.
So he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me up at 6 a.m. tomorrow morning," and kept it beside his wife s pillow.
His wife read it and went to sleep. He woke up very late the next morning and got very angry. He looked ferociously at his wife, but she calmly pointed towards his pillow. Under his pillow he found a piece of paper.
On it was written, "Please get up, it is 6 o clock now."

[cilu]

[ merged threads ]

[scorpionking]

All the scientists die and go to heaven............ They
decide to play hide-n-seek......... Unfortunately Einstein
is the one who has the den........... He is supposed to
count up to 100...and then start searching.....Everyone
starts hiding except Newton ......... Newton just draws a
square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of
Einstein...........
Einstein's counting: 1,2,3......97,98,99.....100........ He
opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front......
Einstein says " Newton 's out. Newton's....out....." Newton
denies and says Newton is not out........ He claims that he
is not Newton ...... All the scientists come out to see how
he proves that he is not Newton .......... Newton says "I am
standing in a square of area 1m squared.....
That makes me Newton per meter squared...... since a Newton
per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore
Pascal is OUT !

[cilu]

That's a great joke. I love jokes with scientists.

[cilu]

An old mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to the bed.

"You lissin-a me - I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated .38 revolver so you
will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your rolex
watch instead?"

"Shuddup and lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have
a beautifulla wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a coulple a
bambinos. Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find your beautifula wife
in bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then? Pointa to your watch and
say: 'Time's up?' "

[Mathew Joy]

he..he..

[sunnypalsingh]

Blonde woman was driving her car home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a really bad hailstorm. The hailstones were as big as golf balls, and her car got dented up really bad. The next day, she took her car into a repair shop to have the dents examined. The repairman, noticing that she was blonde and quite dingy when she spoke, decided to have some fun.
He told her to blow into the tailpipe of the car really hard when she got home, as this would cause all of the dents to pop out.
When she got home, she started blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could over and over.
Just then, her best friend, who also is blonde, showed up.
Her friend saw her blowing into the tailpipe and was quite startled by the action.
She blurted out flippantly, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe real hard so that the dents would pop out.
Her girlfriend said, "Uh! You need to roll up the windows first!"

[sunnypalsingh]

An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband.
The mother asks the daughter "What are you doing naked?"
The daughter responds "This is the dress of love."
When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband. When her husband arrives, he asks her "What are you doing naked, woman?"
She responds "This is the dress of love."
And he said to her "Well, go iron it first."