AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

[sunnypalsingh]

good one.....

[cilu]

England's Cup final. 60,000 people on the standium. John is there too. He can't miss such an important game. The seat on his right is empty. Time passes, no one comes. At half time John asks the person one seat away:
"Why is this seat empty?"
"It's reserved for my wife."
"And how come she's not here, at the most important match?"
"She's dead", replies the man.
"I'm sorry" says John. "But still, you could have brought a friend".
"Yeah."
"So why did you come alone?"
"Look, I've tried. I asked my brother. I ansked my son. I asked my brother in law, my collegues, my neighbours. No one wanted to come."
"No way! Why's that?" asks John.
"They are all at the funerals."

[Vaderman]

pmsl @ that!!

[cilu]

pmsl @ that!!

Sorry, I'm not familiar with the PMSL term...

[Shuja Ali]

Sorry, I'm not familiar with the PMSL term...

psml @ that == Pissed My Self Laughing at That

[Pinky98]

England's Cup final...

hahahaha. I like that one.

[sunnypalsingh]

Error Messages--Microsoft Windows 2000 !!!

1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4) Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
8) This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
9) Windows message: You have just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your brain?
10) This is a message from God: "Rebooting the universe, please log out"
11) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
13) COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup and press any key.
14) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
15) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16) Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
17) Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
18) Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
19) WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... Use backup... PENCIL & PAPER.
20) User Error: Replace user.
21) Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "OS/2 found: Remove it? (Y/Y)"
22) Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

[hitai]

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her
arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month
overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a
test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell,
because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs.
Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric
company.

"What are you saying? It's in your files?????"

"Absolutely."

"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a
bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next
morning.

"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month
overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you
have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? and if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

[MrBeans]

Error Messages--Microsoft Windows 2000 !!!

......

Lovely one pal singh, that was simply too good

[sunnypalsingh]

This is a way to send a secret message of kicking employee

The following letter of recommendation was sent to a second-line manager:

While working with Mr. Sriram, I have always found him

working studiously and sincerely at his table without idling or

gossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldom

wastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he always

finishes the given assignment in time. He will always be

deeply engrossed in his official work, and can never be

found chit-chatting in the canteen. He has absolutely no

vanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profound

knowledge of his field. I think he can easily be

classed as outstanding, and should on no account be

dispensed with. I strongly feel that Mr. Sriram should be

pushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to administration be

sent as soon as possible.

Sd/-

Branch Manager

A second letter soon followed:

SRIRAM WAS PRESENT WHEN I WAS WRITING THE REPORT

MAILED TO YOU TODAY. KINDLY READ ONLY THE ALTERNATE

LINES 1,3,5,7,... FOR MY TRUE ASSESSMENT OF HIM.

REGARDS,

Sd/-

Branch Manager

[HanneSThEGreaT]

Nice!

[sunnypalsingh]

Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on its hot new portable PC called the VAIO. Instead of producing the cryptic error messages characteristic of Microsoft's Windows 95, 3.1, and DOS operating systems, Sony's chairman Asai Tawara said,

"We intend to capture the high ground by putting a human, Japanese face on what has been - until now - an operating system that reflects Western cultural hegemony. For example, we have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with our own Japanese haiku poetry."

The chairman went on to give examples of Sony's new error messages:

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
countless more exist

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down

A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

[HanneSThEGreaT]

Three pastors took a day off and decided to go fishing after a
busy Sunday.

They agreed its so difficult preaching to people all the time and
no one preaches to them.

Sitting by the river with little response from the hooks one
pastor thought of sharing his heart with others.

He said " guys its rare to get such an opportunity to be among
ourselves like this. It would be good if we look into our lives
and help each other with our weaknesses". They all agreed to
this.

This pastor said " Gentlemen I need help! The people in my church
give a lot of money every week. I started taking little by little
but now I take a big chunk. I can't stop stealing from the church
please pray for me. The day they will find out I will be fired"!
Another pastor said "brothers your sins are better than mine! I
have slept with every women in the church including married
women. As I preach my eyes hover over the congregation looking
for the next prey. If this is discovered people will not fire me,
they will kill me!" The last pastor's feet were shaking as they
were talking. They thought he had a big story to tell. He stood
up and said " My brothers my problem is gossip! I cant sit
anymore. I have to share this! I will be back!

[Satishpp]

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a room with or without a view?"

[cilu]

After days in the wilderness Paddy and Mick stumble into a bar in the wild west and ask for two beers. Unfortunately they've got no money and the barman won't give them credit.

Just then a bloke walks in with a Red Indian's scalp on his belt. The barman shakes his head and says,"I hate Indians. Last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground, raped my wife and killed my children. If any man brings me the scalp of a Red Indian I will give them 1,000 dollars."

The two Irishmen look at each other and then go off to find a Red Indian...later that day they see one, and Mick throws a stone which hits the Red Indian on the head. The Indian falls off his horse but lands 70ft down a ravine. Paddy and Mick dash down into the ravine where Paddy starts scalping the Indian.

Suddenly Mick says, "Paddy look at this...."

Paddy says,"In a minute."

"No, look at this....,"Now, says Mick.

"No, can't ya see i'm busy..."

Mick grabs hold of him and makes Paddy look up, where he sees 5,000 Indians standing at the top of the ravine, watching.

"I be dammn," says Paddy, "we're gonna be millionaires!"