AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

[MrBeans]

Best Joke as far I have seen Saint .

[HanneSThEGreaT]

No Offence Meant!

Please circulate this message around the office and make sure everyone takes part on Friday.
The Leaders of the world are asking for your support to combat terrorism and we are being encouraged to demonstrate against them this Friday at 15:00 hours.

It is a well-known fact that the Taliban are against alcohol consumption and think it is sinful to look at a naked woman. Therefore, at 15:00 this Friday, all women should run naked through the office while men chase them with a beer in their hands.

This is the best way to show our disgust for the Taliban and will hopefully help us in detecting the terrorists among us (anybody who doesn't do as proposed will be deemed a terrorist, denounced to the world and shot).

Your efforts are much appreciated in the name of a free, democratic world.

[Ejaz]

Between Sanity and Insanity

1. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman. Before marriage and after marriage.

2. Never believe in 'love at first sight'. It's always best to take a second look.

3. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.

4. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.

5. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

6. I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

7. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

8. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

9. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

10. You can't buy love . . . but you pay heavily for it.

11. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

12. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

13. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

14. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

15. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

16. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

17. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

18. You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

19. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job; he still ends up with the same boss.

20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

21. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

22. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

23. Common sense is good to have, but never let it master you for then it might deprive you of the foolish things it's fun to do.

24. Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why the wife treats her husband like toxic waste...

[The Saint]

I really liked

20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[Xeon]

Since no one wanted to post cheeky and dirty jokes here, I'll.

Assuming that one day, some guy tell you "Go **** y*ur **m".
The cheekiest replies in the world would be the following :

1) Wanna join us?
2) Thanks for reminding me!
3) Ask your m** to join in too!
4) You do mine, I'll do yours!
5) Sure, at your place!
6) I'm done already.
7) Sorry bro....just did it yesterday. Maybe tomorrow.
8) U jealous?
9) Been there, done that. Twas' fun!
10) I've done it already. Both our screams woke up the neighbours.

Good day,
Xeon.

[Shuja Ali]

12. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

This is one pretty much true

[Vaderman]

Enjoy....

An older gentleman was standing at a bus stop, observing a young man
with orange, green, and blue spiked hair. After a few moments, the
young man said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done
anything wild?"

The old man smiled and said, "Well, yes. I once had sex with a parrot,
and I was wondering if you were my son."

Regards

John

[Max Payne]

hahaha good one...

[Mathew Joy]

8. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

Umm...didn't understand this one.

[Ejaz]

Umm...didn't understand this one.

Well, its like telling someone that, he is not the only one who fails. But its a rude way to say, isn't it?

[Mathew Joy]

Well, its like telling someone that, he is not the only one who fails. But its a rude way to say, isn't it?

Hmmm...

[humptydumpty]

Need one gal 2 marry... Age no bar
Color no bar
height no bar
caste no bar
but gal's father must have his own bar... CHEERS

The wife stands in front of a mirror."you know, dear," she says, "I look
in
the mirror & I see an old woman, face wrinkled, fat legs & flabby arms"
She turns to her husb & says, "Tell me something positive to make me
feel
better about myself."
He says in a soft voice,"your eye sight is perfect"

[Mathew Joy]

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he
decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her
husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the 1st
message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room found his
mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read:





To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've reached

Date: January 31, 2004

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here; we
are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!

Your loving Hubby

[Mathew Joy]

The wife stands in front of a mirror."you know, dear," she says, "I look
in
the mirror & I see an old woman, face wrinkled, fat legs & flabby arms"
She turns to her husb & says, "Tell me something positive to make me
feel
better about myself."
He says in a soft voice,"Honey, your eye sight is perfect"

:Sigh: Romantic. I think you are the second person to post such in this thread. One ISTR is about catching the eye.

Just added a word to make it better. Well, spot the difference

[John E]

There is more money being spent in the world today on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that in about 40 years time, we'll have a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections - but absolutely no recollection of what to do with them...!