CodeGuru Home VC++ / MFC / C++ .NET / C# Visual Basic VB Forums Developer.com
Page 59 of 106 FirstFirst ... 9495657585960616269 ... LastLast
Results 871 to 885 of 1586

Thread: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

  1. #871
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Timisoara, Romania
    Posts
    14,360

    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    The weather forcaster was dictating his secretary the forcast for Sunday:
    "Sunday well have short shower rains. The air temperature..."
    "Oh," says the secretary. "I was hoping to have a walk on Sunday."
    "Fine," says the man. "Then cut off the rain."
    Marius Bancila
    Home Page
    My CodeGuru articles

    I do not offer technical support via PM or e-mail. Please use vbBulletin codes.

  2. #872
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Bangalore, India
    Posts
    1,354

    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Quote Originally Posted by cilu
    [ merged threads : no reason to have a separate thread for each joke ]
    Nice Joke..
    Even if our suggestions didn't help, please post the answer once you find it. We took the effort to help you, please return it to others.

    * While posting code sections please use CODE tags
    * Please check the codeguru FAQ and do a little search to see if your question have been answered before.
    * Like a post, Rate The Post
    * I blog: Network programming, Bible

    I do all things thru CHRIST who strengthens me

  3. #873
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    Sunny South Africa
    Posts
    11,268

    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.

    The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

    He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

    She directs him down the correct aisle.

    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
    balls and a ball of string on the counter.
    She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
    He answers, " You see, it's like this,

    yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
    and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
    papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
    So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    All my Articles
    Hannes

  4. #874
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    マレーシア
    Posts
    155

    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Code:
    class Sex
    {
    
    } ;
    
    Sex woman ; // woman are Sex objects
    Ai n mai speling sks, bt ai du it mainfuli
    http://www.geocities.jp/juuhassai/i_rouseiji.html

  5. #875
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    India {Mumbai};
    Posts
    3,871

    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Quote Originally Posted by hitai
    Sex woman ; // woman are Sex objects
    Absolutely! Because when you ask for 'sex' they always 'object'...
    Last edited by Ajay Vijay; September 17th, 2005 at 09:35 AM.
    My latest article: Explicating the new C++ standard (C++0x)

    Do rate the posts you find useful.

  6. #876
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Timisoara, Romania
    Posts
    14,360

    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Quote Originally Posted by Mathew Joy
    Nice Joke..
    Yeah... but... it wasn't a joke. Do you actually find it funny?

    Quote Originally Posted by ajay
    Absolutely! Because when you ask for 'sex' they always 'object'...
    Marius Bancila
    Home Page
    My CodeGuru articles

    I do not offer technical support via PM or e-mail. Please use vbBulletin codes.

  7. #877
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    India {Mumbai};
    Posts
    3,871

    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Top 20 replies by Programmers to Testers when their programs don't work
    20. "That's weird..."

    19. "It's never done that before."

    18. "It worked yesterday."

    17. "How is that possible?"

    16. "It must be a hardware problem."

    15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"

    14. "There is something funky in your data."

    13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"

    12. "You must have the wrong version."

    11. "It's just some unlucky coincidence."

    10. "I can't test everything!"

    9. "THIS can't be the source of THAT."

    8. "It works, but it hasn't been tested."

    7. "Somebody must have changed my code."

    6. "Did you check for a virus on your system?"

    5. "Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?

    4. "You can't use that version on your system."

    3. "Why do you want to do it that way?"

    2. "Where were you when the program blew up?"

    And the Number One Reply by Programmers when their programs don't work:






    GuessGuess.............










    Come on, even u say it ......











    Guess.............









    1 ."It works on my machine"
    My latest article: Explicating the new C++ standard (C++0x)

    Do rate the posts you find useful.

  8. #878
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    California
    Posts
    334

    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Quote Originally Posted by NatThoelecke
    There must be something inherently wrong with our society when a supermodel is paid more money for an hour of work, than a schoolteacher will earn in ten years.
    Why is that?

    Bear in mind that for every supermodel, there are thousands of starving artists. Artists as a whole probably makes less than teachers. Even if they did make more than teachers, why is this inherently bad? Never understood that.
    Henri Hein
    Principal Engineer, Propel
    Do not credit Propel with my views or opinions.

  9. #879
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    California
    Posts
    334

    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Quote Originally Posted by Max Payne
    > >> 3. The US national debt is about 5.62 trillion,
    > >> if Bill Gates were to pay the debt by himself;
    > >> he will finish it in less then 10 years.
    I don't know about the other stats, but this is certainly wrong. Gates couldn't pay off the public debt in a lifetime.

    Gates is ~50 years old and is worth about US$50 bln. So he spent his lifetime thus far amassing a fortune that is two orders of magnitude less than the public debt.

    So humor me; what kind of math, however fantastic or fictional, can make him pay off the debt in a decade?
    Henri Hein
    Principal Engineer, Propel
    Do not credit Propel with my views or opinions.

  10. #880
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    California
    Posts
    334

    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Quote Originally Posted by hankdane
    Gates is ~50 years old and is worth about US$50 bln.

    So humor me; what kind of math, however fantastic or fictional, can make him pay off the debt in a decade?
    Actually, since the annual deficit is $500 bln, and Gates has a tenth of that, if Gates could suddenly make his life-time savings every year from now on -- a factor 50 increase of his average income so far -- then in 10 years, he could pay off one year's worth of deficits.

    What this goes to show is how an amazingly big money sink Congress is.
    Henri Hein
    Principal Engineer, Propel
    Do not credit Propel with my views or opinions.

  11. #881
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    India
    Posts
    232

    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

    So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

    Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

    "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.

    A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."

    So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"
    Sarve Bhavantu Sukheenah,
    Sarve Santu Niramayah,
    Sarve Bhadrani Pashyantu,
    Ma Kashchit dukh bhag bhavet.

  12. #882
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    India
    Posts
    232

    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Rules Of The Air for Pilots

    Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory
    If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
    Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
    It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
    The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
    The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
    When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
    A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
    Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
    You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
    The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
    Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
    Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction.Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
    Always try to keep the number of landing you make equal to the number of take-offs you've made.
    There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
    You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
    Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
    If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
    In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
    Good judgment comes from experience.Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
    It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
    Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
    Remember, gravity is not just a good idea.It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.
    The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.
    Sarve Bhavantu Sukheenah,
    Sarve Santu Niramayah,
    Sarve Bhadrani Pashyantu,
    Ma Kashchit dukh bhag bhavet.

  13. #883
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    1,255

    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Q: Can you telephone from an airplane?
    A: Who couldn't tell a phone from an airplane?

    Q: What sort of planes have Irish people?
    A: They have Eire Planes.

    Q: Do you know where the Great Plains are?
    A: At the great airports.

    Q: Why do giraffes have long necks?
    A: Because they have smelly feet.

  14. #884
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Iasi - Romania
    Posts
    8,207

    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    World's Shortest and Best Fairy Tale

    Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry
    me?", and the girl said, "NO!" And the guy lived
    happily ever after and went fishing, partied with his
    friends, drove fast cars and generally did whatever he
    wanted a lot when he wanted to do it.
    Ovidiu
    "When in Rome, do as Romans do."
    My latest articles: http://codexpert.ro/blog/author/ovidiu-cucu/

  15. #885
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Bangalore, India
    Posts
    1,354

    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Quote Originally Posted by chmanish
    Rules Of The Air for Pilots
    Excellent
    Even if our suggestions didn't help, please post the answer once you find it. We took the effort to help you, please return it to others.

    * While posting code sections please use CODE tags
    * Please check the codeguru FAQ and do a little search to see if your question have been answered before.
    * Like a post, Rate The Post
    * I blog: Network programming, Bible

    I do all things thru CHRIST who strengthens me

Page 59 of 106 FirstFirst ... 9495657585960616269 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Windows Mobile Development Center


Click Here to Expand Forum to Full Width




On-Demand Webinars (sponsored)