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Thread: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

  1. #1066
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    Baby's day out VI

    ........
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  2. #1067
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    Baby's day out VII

    End of the series...Hope you enjoyed
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  3. #1068
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    Post Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."
    The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be peace among the people in the middle east."
    The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."
    The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"
    Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."
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  4. #1069
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    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Nice pics Mat

    And good one Sunny

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    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Lou COSTELLO calls to buy a PC from Bud ABBOTT . . . .

    ABBOTT: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
    COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking
    of buying a computer.
    ABBOTT: Mac?
    COSTELLO: No, the name is Bud.
    ABBOTT: Your computer?
    COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
    ABBOTT: Mac?
    COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Bud.
    ABBOTT: What about Windows?
    COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?
    ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
    COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?
    ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
    COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
    ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?
    COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write
    proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?
    ABBOTT: Office.
    COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
    ABBOTT: I just did.
    COSTELLO: You just did what?
    ABBOTT: Recommended something.
    COSTELLO: You recommended something?
    ABBOTT: Yes.
    COSTELLO: For my office?
    ABBOTT: Yes.
    COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
    ABBOTT: Office.
    COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.
    ABBOTT: Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
    ABBOTT: Word.
    COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words.
    But what program do I load?
    ABBOTT: Word.
    COSTELLO: What word?
    ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
    COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"
    ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
    COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight
    answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to
    watch a movie over the Internet?
    ABBOTT: RealOne.
    COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your
    business. But what do I need to watch it?
    ABBOTT: RealOne.
    COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and
    four. Can I watch reel four?
    ABBOTT: Of course.
    COSTELLO: Great! With what?
    ABBOTT: RealOne.
    COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie.
    What do I do?
    ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.
    COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
    ABBOTT: The blue 1.
    COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
    ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.
    COSTELLO: What word?
    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"
    ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
    COSTELLO: It is?
    ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It
    pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
    COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?
    ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.
    COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to
    help me track my money?
    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
    ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
    COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?
    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?
    ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.
    COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge?
    How much money do I get?
    ABBOTT: Just one copy.
    COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?
    ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.
    COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?
    ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.
    COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still
    need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?
    ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
    COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?
    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: You sell money?
    ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.
    COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you
    have any software for, you know, accounting?
    ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.
    COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.
    ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.
    COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?
    ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.
    COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?
    ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
    COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business.
    You know--accounting? You do it with money.
    ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.
    COSTELLO: More money?
    ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.
    COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the
    moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?
    ABBOTT: GoBack.
    COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something
    to restore my data. What do you recommend?
    ABBOTT: GoBack.
    COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?
    ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.
    COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go
    back. What do I need to write a proposal?
    ABBOTT: Word.
    COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.
    ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.
    ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well.

    (A few days later)
    ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store, can I help you?
    COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
    ABBOTT: Click on "START".
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  6. #1071
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    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Quote Originally Posted by cilu
    Lou COSTELLO calls to buy a PC from Bud ABBOTT . . . .

    ABBOTT: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
    COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking
    of buying a computer.
    ABBOTT: Mac?
    COSTELLO: No, the name is Bud.
    Have you seen many A and C movies Cilu?

    Just curious I'm a big time A and C fan. I have all but 2 of there movies on DVD. (24 movies on 4 DVD's) I just think it would be strange to see these movies in Romania.
    Verere testudinem! (Fear the turtle)

    Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. -Albert Einstein

    Robots are trying to steal my luggage.

  7. #1072
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    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    has anything sexy been observed in MSDN?
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    Smile Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    At a computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating :

    If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

    1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
    2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
    3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
    4. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per cent of the roads.
    5. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
    6. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
    7. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
    8. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
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  9. #1074
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    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Frohman
    Have you seen many A and C movies Cilu?

    Just curious I'm a big time A and C fan. I have all but 2 of there movies on DVD. (24 movies on 4 DVD's) I just think it would be strange to see these movies in Romania.
    Actually, I haven't see any movie of these guys. I've seen just some scenes. But I read that piece of dialog the other days and I thought I should share them with you.

    Quote Originally Posted by mehdi
    has anything sexy been observed in MSDN?
    I fail to see anything sexy there.
    Marius Bancila
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  10. #1075

    Talking Office Arithmetic

    Smart boss + smart employee = profit

    Smart boss + dumb employee = production

    Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

    Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
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  11. #1076
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    From IAS Exam

    This is from a very interesting mail I got, and reportedly true. The name of the state is hidden to protect the identity. IAS, if you don't know, is one of the top post in adminstative sector of the Indian goverment, and it is very hard to get through it(requires a very vast general knowledge especially of India).

    You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this. This is a true essay written by a *** candidate at the UPSC(IAS)Examinations. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow: Indian Cow

    HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man.
    But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk.
    Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such attachment]

    What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally... His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, Also his other motion.. gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes[like Pizza] , in hand and drying in the sun.
    Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.
    The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts .. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.......


    We are informed that the candidate passed the exam, and is now an IAS, is *** in somewhere..[sorry somewhere in ***]

    Regards
    Afsar Shariff
    Even if our suggestions didn't help, please post the answer once you find it. We took the effort to help you, please return it to others.

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  12. #1077
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    Arrow Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Its No Joke...But I Wanted You People To See This Image
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  13. #1078
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    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    mrRee's friend: are you busy right now?
    mrRee: no!...I'm at work....

    ...???...
    ...don't blame me...when I smell nicc 'o' tyne...
    ...friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support..


  14. #1079
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    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    How to get signature in the report card..A Must Read :-)


    Dear Dad,
    It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?

    Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood ! for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

    Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

    Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

    Your loving daughter! ,
    Rosie.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
    --


    At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
    PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home. I love you!

  15. #1080
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    Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnypalsingh
    ]Its No Joke...But I Wanted You People To See This Image
    Well, that type of images tests your stress level. The more movements you see, more you are under pressure and stressed.
    My latest article: Explicating the new C++ standard (C++0x)

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