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  1. #1
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    arranged marriages

    We had a discussion about this issue. Since I don't want to put this link in that thread, I decided to make a new one. Here is an interesting top story on yahoo today...

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060829/...rced_marriages
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  2. #2
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    Re: arranged marriages

    i think There is No need of Discussion on this Topic.Because what i think it's Depend on person to Person.Like you you belive in Love mArriage. and i beleive in arrange Marriage .Even i am not against of Love marriage.But i think when parents can be the best teacher in your childhood. they take all the decision for you. and that time you never asked this is wrong and this is right.so when you grown up .so now you are going to ask them that i love this gal so i am going to marry with that gal .and what you are going to do in this condition when they say no. by forcefully you are going to marry with that gal .so when you left your parents for a gal whom you just found few hour ,years back then how you are going to continue your relation with that gal.so it's all depend in our family they think Love marriage is not good. why don't know. But i think My parents never want That i will suffer in my life so they always try to give me everything which is good and best so why should i ask them this time.

    Thanx

  3. #3
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    Re: arranged marriages

    While 'forced marriage' is always arranged, 'arranged marriage' is not neccessarily (and hardly ever, I believe) forced. That is what is called foreign culture: they do it, we do not understand why. I do not think arranged marriages are 'wrong' or 'bad', I do not know how whole procedure look like, so I do not have any basis to criticise it.


    There is a proverb, you know: 'When in Romania, do as the Romanians do'. Er... Nevermind, I guess I missed a point little bit . And I am thinking sometimes, my not-arranged marriage did not come to success, so maybe now I will tell my mom to find me a girl
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  4. #4
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    Re: arranged marriages

    Quote Originally Posted by cilu
    arranged marriages
    AFAIK, we did make you aware of these cases being "forced marriages" and not "arranged marriages".

    So, what is the point in this thread?
    Quote Originally Posted by cilu
    Here is an interesting top story on yahoo today...

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060829...orced_marriages
    Besides, does the URL and the headline not tell you what kind of a marriage it is?
    Last edited by Siddhartha; August 29th, 2006 at 09:46 AM.

  5. #5
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    Re: arranged marriages

    This may be OT, however I would like to point out that it appears there are more divorces in Democracies with wealth than in 3rd world countries including Monarchies and Fascist governments.

    The individual is valued and not the family.

    So it is easy to get a divorce because:

    1. Marriage is not valued as much.
    2. Independence is easier.
    3. Divorce mostly costs money and not so much reputation anymore.
    4. Your family would rather see you happy and alone than depressed and married.

    So I definitely believe that when there is an arranged marriage, often there are economic, religious and other forces that make them worthwhile. Additionally, Hob, if you got an arranged marriage and it worked out...maybe it would be worth it.

    I know a man (not me) who mail ordered a bride and is currently very happy. (Wonder if she feels the same....eh but that is her business I guess).
    ahoodin
    To keep the plot moving, that's why.

  6. #6
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    Re: arranged marriages

    That article is about forced marriages in Pakistan. Arranged marriage is a different thing.

    Furthermore, arranged marriage isn't an "unheard of thing" in Europe. (Ever wondered about the origins of the word "chaperone"?) It is still practiced in parts of southern Italy. In other European countries there is some kind of informal arranged marriages among upper class families. The family arranges for the prospective bride and groom to meet and they are encouraged to date. If they like each other, a wedding is arranged.

    Arranged marriages in India follow more or less the same pattern. The only difference is that unrestrained dating is not permitted. They get to meet in a (usually) heavily chaperoned and controlled environment. If the girl or boy display resistance, the idea is dropped (there are cases of coercion but it is extremely rare). This custom is rare among the educated urban population.
    Last edited by Sahir; August 29th, 2006 at 12:56 PM.

  7. #7
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    Re: arranged marriages

    There are always exceptions... That girls case would for sure be an exception. Here in our countries.. people are very well linked to each other and know what someone else kid is doing and where someone else's kid is living.. They know such things in their residential areas and sometimes outside the city.. (This is however decreasing in metros these days because people are getting much less time to interact due to their busy-ness etc)

    They have a very good idea about one's family and their sons/daughters.. Like has already been said in the other thread by Sid.... here people are quite close to their parents/family and marriages are not just a tie-up between 2 people but 2 families.. Hence, other people's say becomes an essential part to take this whole group of people together successfully.

    People's parents get in tough.. talk for quite sometime.. there would talks going on with many interested parties.. a guy's parents would be talking to many girls families and similarly one girl's family would be talking to many relevant parties..

    Then they come to understand each other better, they come closer.. they get to know each other better, their family culture etc etc.. and then comes the time that the girl and guy meet.. they meet once with both families together (things that I mention now are variable).. get to talking.. get to know each other.. each other's profiles etc.. and then both families sit together and decide if things are fine.. then the knot is tied else the hunt goes on... It need a great lot of explanation and words.. I tried keeping it short and simple but it definitely is not so...

    Come to India... see some marriages.. goto Ejaz's marriage (if you are invited ) and then may be you will better understand the things..

  8. #8
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    Re: arranged marriages

    Just to point out I have nothing against arranged marriages.

    however I would like to point out that it appears there are more divorces in Democracies with wealth than in 3rd world countries including Monarchies and Fascist governments.
    I agree with ahoodin on this observation.

  9. #9
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    Re: arranged marriages

    Quote Originally Posted by CBasicNet
    If you have meet a girl outside and both of you love each other very much and your family says you cannot marry this girl, how would you feel?
    Just the same way as anybody in the western society would feel when the parents don't approve of his / her partner.

    Of course, the parents play a greater role in the Eastern Cultures and hence the children need to invest a lot of time and effort in convincing them - while in the west perhaps, many (but not all) would just go ahead and do what they wish to do.

    It really does get bad however when the parents don't relent and the child has to make a sacrifice in one way or another - i.e. sacrifice the relationship with the partner or the relationship with the parents. In case the relationship with the partner continues, the relationship with the parents tends to improve after the birth of the first child (i.e. the newborn baby makes for the reunion).

    In the worst of cases, relationships get broken forever, and there is a lot of mental trauma. But, this is not very frequent.

  10. #10
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  11. #11
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    Re: arranged marriages

    I think a part of the issue here ( and perhaps a part of Cliu's question) if all the traditions should still apply to a kid born and/or raised in a foregin culture like this girl's case.

    For example you Sid, you live now in Germany. Do you plan to apply all the traditions you have on your kids even if you plan to stay in Germany forever? and I mean here the traditions/rules that do not fit well in the German/western society.

    I ask you because I have 1st hand experiences with people doing similar things here in Romania and IMHO this creates a huge handicap for the child. As An example are the children raised not knowing the Romanian language and who struggle later on in college or when looking for a job.
    Har Har

  12. #12
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    Re: arranged marriages

    Good question.
    Quote Originally Posted by PadexArt
    For example you Sid, you live now in Germany. Do you plan to apply all the traditions you have on your kids even if you plan to stay in Germany forever? and I mean here the traditions/rules that do not fit well in the German/western society.
    Well... There are a lot of modern Indians... So...

    But, yes - I do plan to inculcate my values in my family - some of these may be very Indian and some may not be. I also don't plan to adopt western values blindly and abandon those that aren't western without good reason, just the way like when I was in India - I didn't adopt all Indian values blindly (in fact, rejected a good number of those too).

    In a nutshell - I want the best of both worlds.

  13. #13
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    Re: arranged marriages

    I had followed this thread earlier with a lot of interest. Now, I am reviving this thread as I feel I am competent enough to comment.

    I got engaged last October (2006) with a girl, suggested by my sister.
    I got to talk to her and meet her only on the engagement day.

    We will get married on 28th this month.

    In these 2-3 months, both of us have interacted quite a bit. Mostly on telephone as her town is 400 Km away and 3 times in person.

    And at this time both of us believe that we are made for each other. I dont know what the reason is, but I strongly believe that our upbringing and family values are the main cause.

    To say the truth, I am not feeling as if I am going to have an arranged marriage.. I feel that I am going to marry somebody whome I love and really want to marry.

    Dont know if I am lucky or this happens with everybody who has been brought up like me.
    Sarve Bhavantu Sukheenah,
    Sarve Santu Niramayah,
    Sarve Bhadrani Pashyantu,
    Ma Kashchit dukh bhag bhavet.

  14. #14
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  15. #15
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    Re: arranged marriages

    Thanx!!
    Sarve Bhavantu Sukheenah,
    Sarve Santu Niramayah,
    Sarve Bhadrani Pashyantu,
    Ma Kashchit dukh bhag bhavet.

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