what we learn from movies

[cilu]

What do you learn from movies? Generally speaking. Here is a compilation of things that american movies teach us.

1. Big apartments in New Your always have a convenient rent for anybody, either an unemployed or a director.
2. At least one of two identical twins is evil.
3. If you have to defuse a bomb, you don’t have to worry about it: you’ll always choose the right wire.
4. Almost all laptops are powerful enough to hack the communication system of an advanced alien civilization invading the planet.
5. It’s not important if in a martial art fight you are greatly outnumber: your opponents will patiently await to attack one by one, dancing around you and threatening you until you knock out the first guys.
6. When you turn off the light and go to bed the entire bedroom is clearly visible in a shade.
7. If you are a pretty blonde it’s likely to become a world-leading expert in nuclear fusion before the age of 22.
8. Honest, hard-working cops are traditionally killed three days before retirement.
9. Instead of wasting their bullets on their caught enemies, the megalomaniacs prefer to kill them using complex machinery that includes rockets, electronic devices, mortal gazes, lasers or sharks, but only after giving the prisoners 20 minutes to escape.
10. All beds have special sheets, probably an L shape, which spreads to the armpit of the sleeping woman, but barely cover the thighs of the man.
11. All shopping bags have at least one stick-like bread.
12. It’s very easy for anyone to pilot a plane, until the landing, following the instructions of someone from the control tower.
13. Once applied, the lipstick never goes away, no matter what you do, including scuba diving.
14. It’s likely to survive a battle, unless you make the horrible mistake of showing someone the picture of your girlfriend awaiting you at home.
15. If you need to pass as a German or Russian officer it’s not necessary to know the language, only to have the appropriate accent.
16. Eiffel tower is visible from any window in Paris.
17. A man never shows the least sign of pain during a fight but will cramp in pain when a woman tries to clean the wounds.
18. If there is a glass board somewhere, sooner or later someone will break it.
19. If they live in a haunted house, women will come out to check the strange noises dressed only with the most see-through lingerie.
20. A computer on which you have to open a file never has a cursor but always displays a message asking for a password.
21. When you drive on a straight road you must spin the wheel to the left and right at every few seconds.
22. All bombs have a big display with red digits showing the elapsed time until the explosion.
23. A detective can solve a case only after he was suspended.
24. If you decide to dance on the street all the people around you know the steps.
25. Police departments require personality tests for the officers only to give them the least matching partner.
26. When alone, all foreign officers prefer to talk to each other in English.

[Gabriel Fleseriu]

May I add:

- If the "good guy" knows martial arts, the bad guys know too. They also will refrain from using guns.
- Revolvers can accomodate 100+ bullets
- You can hear the sound of spaceships and laser guns in outer space

[Luchin_plusplus]

I may add also:

30.- There is no spoon.
31.- Speeding and performing a 180-turn in the midle of a speedway is not dangerous, unless you have the protegee driving and the protector shooting at everything that moves.
32.- No matter how do you throw a sword in midair, someone will always catch it by the hilt.
33.- Fat Armanis in an airplane are always either the engineer or the terrorist.
34.- No one ever asks policemen for their IDs.
35.- If you see someone dressed like an importan person, feeding birds at the brifge over the lagoon at the public square, you've found the main evil guy.
36.- Girls grow more stupid when they are being chased.
37.- The "redial" key in a cell phone ALWAYs gets you hear-to-hear against your worst enemy.
38.- The best partner the government has for you is the same guy you fired two years ago.
39.- No matter if you have not seen your opponent in the last hours, he always knows exactly how many bullets you have left.
40.- If someone travels from the future with very important information, someone in the present already knows that.
41.- United States never negotiates with terrorists... in public.
42.- There are a lot of so well hidden islands that the sattellites around the globe have never showed them.
43.- If your city was blasted with a giant cannon or something like that, is also most likely your pet survived.
44.- The retrovisor mirror always shows the car following you.
45.- Looks like San Francisco does not have road regulations.
46.- If you need to quarantine an entire city, you can consider yourself doomed: at least 30 children with their teacher and a CIA officer have already trespassed security.

[NoHero]

47. America can handle everything even big meteors and tidal waves.
48. Showing the american flag nearly every 15 minuites is necessary.
49. George Bush fails to hit iraq and blows up some thyrols
50. Canada can be used to blame problems on.
51. Satan is homosexual.
52. That you can get a gun if you open a new bank account.
53. You can get the proper ammo for your gun while getting a haircut.
...

(Should cease my amount of watched South Park periods per week )

[MrViggy]

Wow, you guys spend a lot of time watching "Austin Powers" movies!



Viggy

[Tom Frohman]

-Either your boss or your best friend, but not both, is a traitor.
-Bad guys never hit anything when they shoot.

[Notsosuperhero]

-You should never go after the main enemy right off the bat because it won't work and would just ruin the movie.

[cilu]

Action movies first rule: the black guy dies first.

[Gabriel Fleseriu]

- You can jump from the 20th floor in the hotel pool w/o getting hurt.
- People can run faster than Dobermans (I'd like to see someone try that with mine )
- Sharks attack boats. They also love it to chew oxygen tanks.
- A car can jump over a [insert obstacle here] with 120 mph, land on the other side w/o breaking in pieces and speed away afterwards; on the same time, a car that hits something with 40 mph will explode worse than 10 kg TNT.

[NoHero]

- Splitting up the group (in a horror movie) is always the solution.
- Moving together is not acceptable.
- The victim always runs away from the murderer, it's not possible to fight back.
- You can scream like a little baby, when you got attacked by the predetor and nobody will hear you.

[darwen]

- Americans always live in huge houses with massive staircases and perfect gardens.
- Americans are always middle-class. Even the poor ones. Except for the cops.
- London is the only place in Britain with the only accent. In fact eveyone in the UK talks like Bridget Jones. Even the men (Hugh Grant ?).
- Everyone else in the world is inferior to the US and always asking for its help (except in Bond films of course where the reverse is true).
- It never, ever, ever rains in Britain. Or anywhere else in the world for that matter.
- If someone is divorced at the start of the film, they'll be re-married by the end.
- Children are cute, intelligent and loved by all. And never die nomatter how many bullets/explosions/laser beams are flying around killing everyone else. Usually when they try to save the kid.
- (continued) Never try to save a kid in a movie : you'll die first.
- Bad guys can't shoot straight.
- It doesn't matter how many qualifications/acheivements the bad guy has got in their speciality they'll always be defeated by the hero (e.g. Tommorrow Never Dies : women who's a gold medal olympic fencer being defeated by someone who's not).

Star Trek do's and dont's:
- Whatever illness you have Trichordrozine (ever heard of a trichorder ?) will cure you.
- Red shirts always die. As do the characters that you think 'Wesley Crusher usually sits there'.
- Doors are a higher artifically intelligent life form than Data as they can read minds.
- Don't go near any temporal anomolies unless you want to change the past.
- Going back in time is a bad idea : unless you want to right a wrong.
- The captain never dies, just his menials.
- Everyone in the universe has 2 arms and 2 legs unless they're invisible.
- Phasers never have any effect on anything.
- Klingons although bigger and stronger than humans are always beaten up by them.
- It's more dangerous to go in the holodeck than to go onto the surface of an uncharted planet.
- When in extreme danger which could destroy you at any second : have a meeting.

Darwen.

[cilu]

Second rule of action movies: bad guy always beats and wounds the good guy first, only to be killed before the happy ending.

Gold rule of villain death: good guy always kills the bad guy when he is in the biggest trouble and the bad guy least expects it and seems most confident over the situation.

[Andrea_Rossini]

you forgot the most important thing:

- The character the detective is most friendly to is the murderer.

[darwen]

When bitten by a snake you cut the wound open and spit out the venom.

If you actually did this it would either have one of two effects :

(1) The venom enters the bloodstream very quickly, and so wouldn't have any effect apart from possible infection in the wound you just made.

(2) You would get some venom in your mouth which could potentially enter your bloodstream through the lining of your mouth, or even worse you could swallow it and it would coat the lining of your esophagous, in which case you'd be poisened too.

AAarrrggghhh - I'm getting too serious and not silly enough. Need to watch a few more Monty Pythons...

Oh yes, and if we're including TV in this

* No-one expects the spanish inquisition *

Darwen.

[cilu]

Thumb rule of horror action: if you're a woman and you're home alone you have the best chances to get killed at the shower.