Good campaign slogan...Quote:
EARTH FIRST!!! - we'll log other planets later.
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Good campaign slogan...Quote:
EARTH FIRST!!! - we'll log other planets later.
You know that an energy crisis is coming to personal electronic appliances when you see this in the papers...Quote:
Energizer Bunny arrested! Charged with battery.
Sometimes it's best to be a NoHero then a Last Minute Hero ;) .Quote:
Last Minute Hero
A man appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers.
"Once, on a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker. I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him, 'Leave her alone now or you'll answer to me.'"
St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple of minutes ago."
A drunk guy staggers into a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies, "No use knocking mate, there's no paper in this one either...
Appaling... :D
Moses comes down from the mount with 3 boards having the 15 commandments written on them. He goes before the people of Israel and sais:
- Behold, I have brought you the fith...
Then he drops one of the stones that crashes on the ground.
- ten commandments.
See Mel Brook's History of the WorldQuote:
Originally Posted by cilu
I've seen it already. Where did you think I took it? :cool:
I saw about 5 minutes of that movie several years ago... ironically it was exactly that part... :o
A drunken pirate stumbles into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of the top of his dungarees. The bartender says, "Hey pal, you got a steering wheel in your pants", and the pirate replies, "Arrgh, I know, it's drivin' me nuts."
ah, thankyou, thankyou..
An american, an english and a rabbi enter a bar. The bartender says: "What is this, a joke?"
Since we're on the topic of appaling jokes:
Quote:
A Northern Territory farm hand radios back to the farm manager.
"Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the ute. The pig's OK, but he's stuck in the bullbars at the front of my ute and is
wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out."
The manager says "Ok, there's a 303 behind the seat. Take it, shoot the pig in the head and you'll be able to remove him."
Five minutes later I the farm hand calls back.
"I did what you said boss. Took the 303, shot the pig in the head
and removed him from the bull-bars. No problem there, but I still can't go on".
"Now what's the problem?" raged the manager.
"Well boss, it's his motor-bike. The flashing blue light is
stuck under the right-front wheel arch".
Dear Freind,
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a bumper sticker saying, "Honk if u love Jesus." I was feeling a bit sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir service, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!
I was stopped at a red light on a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is.... and I didnt notice that the light had changed. It's a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed!! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honkin like crazy - and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD, woman, GO! GO!, Jesus Christ, GO!!!"
What an exuburant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honkin! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love.
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach". I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something....
Well I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out of the window and gave him the good luck sign right back! My grandson burst out laughing... he was enjoying the religious experience too...!!
A couple of people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended but this is when I noticed the lights had changed - so I waved to all the good brothers and sisters grinning and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through before the lights changed and I felt kinda sad that I had to leave them - especially after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away!! Thank the Lord for all these God fearing folk!!
Love,
Grandma.
I like Deniz's :p
A cop told us that joke.... Ahh the humour in irony... :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by Yves M