AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

will it ever stop? :rolleyes:

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So a man gets pulled over for speeding. The cop comes up to his door, and asks for his license and registration... the man suddenly breaks down... and admits that the car is stolen, there is a gun in the glovebox, and a body in the trunk... the officer immediately calls for back up... and makes the man get out of the car, handcuffing him, holding him at gunpoint til backup arrives. The backup cop arrives, and runs check on the car, hmmm... it's in the suspect's name... it's not stolen... he says... then he checks the glovebox ... no gun... then the trunk... no body... the back up cop walks over to the suspect and says... my partner told me you stole this car... and admitted to having a gun in the glovebox and a body in the trunk... the man... with an absolutely shocked expression tells the cop... WHAT??? thats bulls**t! i'll bet you that a**hole told you i was speeding too didnt he?

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A young boy had just gotten his drivers permit and asked  his father if he could use the car. His father said "I'll make a deal with you". " If you bring your grades up, study your Bible and get your hair cut, you can use it". A month later the boy came back and asked about the car. The dad said "son I'm very proud of you, you brought your grades up, you study the Bible but you still haven't got your hair cut". The boy said "dad, I been thinking, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, even Jesus had long hair. His father replied, "yes son and they walk everywnere they went

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hope u like this piece

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A young boy had just gotten his drivers permit and asked his father if he could use the car. His father said "I'll make a deal with you". " If you bring your grades up, study your Bible and get your hair cut, you can use it". A month later the boy came back and asked about the car. The dad said "son I'm very proud of you, you brought your grades up, you study the Bible but you still haven't got your hair cut". The boy said "dad, I been thinking, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, even Jesus had long hair. His father replied, "yes son and they walk everywnere they went

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In South Africa a black man walked with a parrot on his shoulder. On his way he meets a white man who said:
"Wow! How beautiful he is... What about talking?"
"I don't know. I just bought him", answered the parrot.

Hearing so many people speaking about his intelligence level, George
"double you" Bush decided to get his brain checked. The physician
diagnosis was as follows: "Mr. President, you have two brains, the left
and the right, like all normal people. But the problem is that in your
left brain there is nothing right and in your right brain there is
nothing left."

Tickets:
- fire fighters false alarm: $100
- police false alarm: $200
- ambulance false alarm: $300
- all three together: 20% discount

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Originally Posted by cilu

Tickets:
- fire fighters false alarm: $100
- police false alarm: $200
- ambulance false alarm: $300
- all three together: 20% discount

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At last a good joke! :thumb:

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Originally Posted by Deniz

will it ever stop? :rolleyes:
(speeding joke)

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OMG, this one is really cool :p Way better than the older version:

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A man driving in his car with his wife and his mother gets stopped for speeding. The officer comes up to the driver's window and asks to see his license.
Man: I don't have a driver's license
Wife: Don't listen to him, officer, he's drunk
Mother: I told you, we weren't going to get anywhere in a stolen car!
Then the trunk pops open and a guy comes out asking:
- Have we passed the border yet?

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why did Osama kill his wife?
he found bush in her undies when he wanted to make love.

Everybody on Earth dies and goes to Heaven. Then, God comes and says:
"I want all men aligned in two lines: one for the men that dominated their wives and one for those dominated by wives. The women must go with St. Peter."
So it happens, and when God looked again all men were arrayed in two lines. The line of men dominated by wives had more than 100 miles, but one single man was in the other one. So God becomes angry:
"You, men! Should be ashamed. I made you in my image and likeness and you let the wives keep you short. Look at the single man, my only son that stood strong and made me so proud of him. Learn from him. Tell us son, how did you manage to be the only guy in this line?"
"I don't know," said the man. "My wife told me to stay here".

there was once a rich gold miner that was so much in
love with all his gold that he asked his wife to bury
all his golds with him in his coffin. and so his wife
did exactly as the husband demanded when the husband
finally died. ..the miner arrived at the pearly gates
with his sack of gold on his back...St Peter was
standing at the gates registering those entering
through...the miner joined the cue, and after a long
wait finally stood face to face with St Peter..."what do
we have in that sack?", Peter demanded. " its just some
stuff that I can't live without,. mate", the miner
replied. "let me see",Peter took the sack and emptied it
at the miners foot....Peter burst out laughing and
shouted to the others inside..."HEY,..JOHN, ANDREW ,
WE'VE GOT ONE MORE MINER HERE TRYING TO SNICK IN WITH
SOME MORE PAVEMENT STONES"""

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Some body by the name Augutine has just died on a sunday
night and was layed to rest the next day.This is very
painful to the mans wife.However,the family was a
christian family so the wife did not worried much since
one day she will meet her husband in Heaven.

The next day the wife went to town and happened to check
her mail box and was surprised to see a letter.She took
the letter and went home.But the letter was posted by
another Augustine who went to a Pacific Island country
for a holiday to her wife at home but was misplaced by
the post office into the womans mail box.They have the
same name.

When Mrs Augustine arrive home she opened the letter and
read it."Hi darling, this place is wonderful and I
really enjoyed it however, but down here is too hot".

The woman could not believe this and was crying thinking
that his husband Was in ****.

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hope u guys like this piece.... well no offense though

Foreign engineers where designing a new VHST (Very High Speed Train). They were worried about
birds colluding with the train front glass at those high speeds when they discovered in the
US Airforce web that, faced with the same problem for fighters, they had developed a special
cannon to fire a bird's body against glasses to be tested.
Engineers asked the US Airforce if they could use the canion and US Airforce sende it with a huge
manual covering all details.

On the first essay it was clear that something went wrong.

The bird's body smashed up the glass into miriads of small pieces, crossed the back wall with a nice hole
and devastated three rows of seats before stopping ... surrounded by a crashing sound that terrified the
engineers.
They compiled all videos, sound recording, photos, matherial resistence, detailed drawings of anything
they could think about and send a complete dossier of some three thousand sheets to the US
Airforce asking for help.
Two weeks latter, the answer came:

...

"Defreeze the chicken".

Phone conversation

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Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
When a cell phone on a bench rings, a man engages
the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN:"Yes"
WOMAN: I am at the mall and found a beautiful leather
coat. It's $1,000. Can I buy it?"
MAN: "OK, go ahead if you like it that much"

WOMAN: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership
and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: How much?"
WOMAN: $60,000
MAN: "For that price I want it with all the options"

WOMAN: "Great! One more thing....The house we
wanted last year is back on the market. They're only
asking $450,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and buy it but just offer $420,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you too"

The man hangs up. The other men are looking at him in
astonishment. Then he asks: Anyone know who this phone
belongs to?"

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The Confession Session

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The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears several confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand."

The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and I understand, how did you feel about that?"

The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, 'No way! What happened next?'"

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Super Genuis

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There's a dropout named Bobby and a super genius named Greg sitting on a bench waiting on a bus. The genius gets bored, leans over to the dropout and says, "Hey, I'll tell you what, I'll ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you have to give me five bucks. If you ask me a question and I don't know the answer I have to give you 50 bucks."

The dropout says, "Alright, man."

The genius asks the dropout, "What is the Pythagorian Theory?"

The dropout replies, "I don't know." and hands the genius five bucks.

"Okay," the dropout says, "What has three legs going up a hill and four legs going down?"

The genius thinks real hard and finally gives up. He hands the dropout 50 bucks then asks, "So, what is the answer?"

The dropout says, "I don't know." and hands the genius five bucks.

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