very true:D :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Ejaz
I liked this one...:lol: :lol:
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very true:D :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Ejaz
I liked this one...:lol: :lol:
This was taken from http://www.gnu.org/fun/jokes/errno.2.html.
//------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At the USENIX Association conference in Atlanta recently a contest was
held to invent the most humorous/bizarre/etc UN*X error message of the
errno(2) 'EERROR' type. This contest had been tried at an earlier European
Users Group meeting, where the winning entry was:
ENOTOBACCORead on an empty pipe
You get the idea. A partial [alphabetized] list of 'top(?)' entries from
Atlanta [and from several readers of hp.unix] follows; if your pun/wierdness
tolerance is low, you may want to abandon ship:
EBEFOREIInvalid syntax
ECHERNOBYLCore dumped
ECRAYProgram exited before being run
EDINGDONGThe daemon is dead
EFLATSystem needs tuning
EGEEKProgram written by inept Frat member
EIEIOHere-a-bug, there-a-bug, ....
EIUDMissing period
ELECTROLUXYour code could stand to be cleaned up
EMILYPOSTWrong fork
END.ARMS.CONTROLSilo overflow
ENOHORSEMount failed
ENONSEQUETORC program not derived from
main(){printf("Hello, world");}
EWATERGATEExtended tape gap
EWOKAliens sighted
EWOKYour code appears to have been stir-fried
EWOULDBNICE The feature you want has not been implemented yet
And finally, a sort-of 'period piece':
EMR.EDA host is a host,
From coast to coast
And nobody talks to a host that's close,
Unless the host that isn't close
Is busy, hung, or dead.
I would also like this new signal to be supported:
SIGNUKE Nuclear event occurred (cannot be caught or ignored :-)
======================================================================
Naim Abdullah
HTML Code:http://www.gnu.org/fun/jokes/dna.html
For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that very
little of an organism's DNA seems to serve any useful function.
I have solved the mystery.
The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that the
rest of it is comments.
Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin as
follows:
===
/* HUMAN_DNA.H
*
* Human Genome
* Version 2.1
*
* (C) God
*/
/* Revision history:
*
* 0000-00-01 00:00 1.0 Adam.
* 0000-00-02 10:00 1.1 Eve.
* 0000-00-03 02:11 1.2 Added penis code to male version. A bit messy --
* will require a rewrite later on to make it neater.
* 0017-03-12 03:14 1.3 Added extra sex drive to male.h; took code from
* elephant-dna.c
* 0145-10-03 16:33 1.4 Removed tail.
* 1115-00-31 17:20 1.5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case.
* 2091-08-20 13:56 1.6 Opposable thumbs added to hand() routine.
* 2501-04-09 14:04 1.7 Minor cosmetic improvements -- skin colour made
* darker to match my own image.
* 2909-07-12 02:21 1.8 Dentition inadequate; added extra 'wisdom' teeth.
* Must remember to make mouth bigger to compensate.
* 4501-12-31 14:18 1.9 Increase average height.
* 5533-02-12 17:09 2.0 Added gay option, triggered by high population
* density, to try and slow the overpopulation problem.
* 6004-11-04 16:11 2.1 Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in centre of
* CD.
*/
/* Standard definitions
*/
#define SEX male
#define HEIGHT 1.84
#define MASS 68
#define RACE caucasian
/* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files.
*
* Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide proper
* inheritance features.
*/
#include "mother.h"
#include "father.h"
#infndef FATHER
#warn("Father unknown -- guessing\n")
#include "*******.h"
#endif
/* Set up sex-specific functions and variables
*/
#include <sex.h>
/* Kludged code -- I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a proper
* library sometime soon.
*/
struct genitals
{
#ifdef MALE
Penis *jt;
#endif
/* G_spot *g; Removed for debugging purposes */
#ifdef FEMALE
Vagina *p;
#endif
}
/* Initialization bootstrap routine -- called before DNA duplication.
* Allocates buffers and sets up protein file pointers
*/
DNA *zygote_initialize(Sperm *, Ovum *);
/* MAIN INITIALIZATION CODE
*
* Returns structures containing pre-processed phenotypes for the organism
* to display at birth.
*
* Will be improved later to make output less ugly.
*/
Characteristic *lookup_phenotype(Identifier *i);
===
...and so on.
[ Note that God uses three-space tabs ]
--
got a nice one:
True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the loaddrawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!
A green t-rex telling a raptor a maths joke (which wasnt funny) while he is crushing a house.
Oooooooh-kay I need to see a therapist... :o
I can understand why someone might not find it funny, but I didn't think it would be traumatizing. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Deniz
I think it belongs in the bad jokes thread. :mad: :thumbd:
Good one! I liked it. Heres another one:Quote:
Originally Posted by green T-Rex
Biologist, physicist and matematician are watching a building from outside. They see a couple getting inside, and after short while leaving the building with a baby.
Biologist said: 'They reproduced!'
Physicist said: 'No, its just measuring error'
And matematician said: 'One more person enters this building and there will be nobody inside'
I wonder who finds it funny. I couldnt stop laughing when I saw this joke, so i posted it here and not at 'bad jokes' thread
A man rings a journalist at his local newspaper:-
MAN: Hello - I'm the chairman of the National Paranoia Society.
JOURNALIST: Really?? We were just talking about you...!
I think last answer more fits to physicist, and second is out of thread. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Hobson
On the theme of dinosaurs:
What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur?
Did-ya-think-he-saw-us
another?? oh ok, then... here goes:
What do you call a dinosaur who likes eating Vindaloo?
A-Mega-Sore-Arse
:D :D
Regards
John
Why teachers get frustrated.
Heres another one.
Okay..here are a few from my side - (hope they havent come up here before)....
*********************************
2 Days of Powercut in India made life miserable. Worst affected was
Amritsar
where all the SURDS were stuck for 48 hrs. on Escalaters..... :D
*********************************
Two SURDS are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other to check whether it is working.
He puts his head out and says - YES..NO..YES..NO..YES..NO
*********************************
Enjoy.
Desire To Become A Great Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages. :D:D:D
:D:D:D and he is indeed a great writer...Quote:
Originally Posted by bijuabrahamp
Yup! He is :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Max Payne
pmsl @ that!! :D :D :DQuote:
Originally Posted by bijuabrahamp
Ejaz, that was great. Thanx for sharing.
Ejaz, is that your essay ?? looks like your handwriting...:D
Nah, If I was that kid, I definately end up as writer, rather then programmer. The kid has potential, imagnative & logical :rolleyes:
Definitely not things a programmer needs to possess :ehh: ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Ejaz
:D
That kid got a serious mental problem : "I am a boy. Boy is a boy. Girl is a girl but I am not a girl"
So suppose he understood that it was obvious that a boy is a boy and a girl is a girl... then he would rewrite as : "I am a boy. Btw, I am not a girl"
And if he knew that when you are a boy, you cannot be a girl he would just say : "I am a boy"
Common sense is more than enough to undertand that :
1. Boy is a boy
2. Girl is a girl
3. And he being a boy, cannot be a girl
But, he does provide entertainment :D
Is that original???Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathew Joy
Seems quite so
Last part is a hindi film song :D
:D Mirchi in hindi means fish
:D The end of the series.
Hoped you enjoyed!!
Matthew, LMAO @ that!! Felt like doing the same when I was doing maths at University
Are you sure you didn't do? Maybe it is yours... :D ;)
You speak too highly of me! :cool: I'd be more than happy to get past the second line!! :eek:
:D :thumb:
:wave:
That was a good one. :thumb: :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathew Joy
Here's a joke from the (very old) movie "Two for the Road" that I saw last week on TV:
-----
Albert Finney: Do you know what marriage is?
Audrey Hepburn: No... tell me.
Albert Finney: Its when the woman tells the man to take his clothes off.... so she can put them in the laundry. :D
-----
Not really a joke... But some of these are funny.
http://www.micom.net/oops/
-Satish
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach.
As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach.
He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together.
At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!"
He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails.
There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time.
He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!!"
History Repeated
Year 1981
=========
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Pope Died.
Year 2005
=========
1. Prince Charles got married (again)
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe (again)
3. Pope Died.
In the future, if Prince Charles decides to re-marry or Liverpool needs
another European crown ... please warn the Pope!
.... POOR POPE....!!!!!! ***
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be
a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a
calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a
search of absolute value.
They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as
'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of
the axis of medieval with co-ordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to
every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, Tony Blair said, "If God had wanted
us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more
fingers and toes."
http://www.jpjwilayah.gov.my/
this is the the KL Road Transport Agency,Malaysia... look at the intro page.... :D:D:D
ROFLMAO....
//actually its pretty embarrasing:o for me to post this..
//***? its a gov web.. urghhhh who th **** didi this ****..:sick:
This is not really a joke but you guys might find it funny. I got this error while attempting to install a program and then while trying to reinstall Windows Installer. I got it fixed but it still gave me pause for a while.
It is funny... :DQuote:
Originally Posted by NatThoelecke
Guys......do visit http://www.ebaumsworld.com/wakthesak.html
I promise you.....this is the funniest game of a life-time! I will not be responsible if you die of amusement and laughter, k?!
And Chief.......please don't kill me for posting that link, k?
U gotta know your customers. Who are your customers? The people of CodeGuru. These guys are all programmers and they're being bullied by their bosses, being demanded to code more than 29,000 lines of bug-free code in 1 week, so you know how great the agony/stress is.
I posted that link to relief them of their sadness, depression, weariness, tireness, stress and gloominess. Besides, it's a cute, harmless and ABSTRACT little cartoon game that even your daughter Gwendoline Jones can play.
Good day, all.
Xeon. :D
That website is blocked by my ISP... wonder why would someone block some cartoon game :confused:Quote:
Originally Posted by Xeon
For some nice joke, I would recommend this
well, its the "Wak th sack game".. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by bijuabrahamp
@Xeon : you gay dude...:p
hehe now I know why people voted Xeon for "Most Funny Poster".. :D:D:DQuote:
Originally Posted by bijuabrahamp
From Max:
I'm not suprised. As usual, the delicious Xeon reclaims back his lost throne and title. No no, I'm not gay. It's nice to play that game, though. Like in the office when you're bored etc. The aim is to whack the balls as fast as you can and try to surpass your own speed. :D:DQuote:
hehe now I know why people voted Xeon for "Most Funny Poster".
Actually, this game is meant for girls, not guys. :p
So, I was thinking that Cherish and GG might love it.
By the way, Biju......since your home PC can't access the site, how about using your office computer?
See you all,
Xeon.
You play that game at work and your boss will be doing that to you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Xeon
:D :D :thumb:Quote:
Originally Posted by Deniz
You mean school computer?? no... it doesn't have access to the internet.Quote:
Originally Posted by Xeon
If I really wanted to see it, I would have used a proxy... but no need :)
I have found that they monitor only port 80.. silly dudes ;)
Have a look at this.... a different interpretation to Star Wars - Revenge of the Sith!! :) I'm sure Cilu will appreciate the humour! :D
Revenge of the Sith
Regards
John
hmmm funny thing is, you are funny in a "[SERIOUS]" thread, but not in the "[Jokes]" thread... :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Xeon
btw, the only Singaporean I found funny is Phua Chu Kang..:p
"Best in Singapore and JB, some say Batam..":D