AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

From Deniz:

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You play that game at work and your boss will be doing that to you.

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I'll get a real cute girl to bewitch him before SM-ing him. After she's done, it's my turn to do THAT to him.
But then.......DO I HAVE ANY BOSS????!!!! NO. :cool::p

From BJ:

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I have found that they monitor only port 80.. silly dudes

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That's it, pal! So, what's stopping you from viewing adult stuff on your PC now? Hidden cameras? Spyware setup by your school principal?

From Max:

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hmmm funny thing is, you are funny in a "[SERIOUS]" thread, but not in the "[Jokes]" thread...

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I'm well known for my irony-ness. :cool:

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btw, the only Singaporean I found funny is Phua Chu Kang.. "Best in Singapore and JB, some say Batam.."

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Do they show PCK there in the US too? Hate to say this, but us Singaporeans find him very lame, trust me. Buy a ticket here and ask the guys what they think of him.
Because he spoke 101% Singlish in the show a few years back, our then Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong sent him for a English course, even though that PCK fool is well-versed in English off the show. :D

Good day,
Xeon.
Best in girls and ladies, some say old hags as well.

Hey gys this game is killing me! Is really funny!!!!http://www.ebaumsworld.com/wakthesak.html (from Xeon)
:D :D :D :D :D

Thank you, guys. I really deserve the credit. Please spread it and send it to all the girls you know, so that it's gonna make their day. These folks love to be tickled. :cool:

Good day,
Xeon.

Types of Girls...

HARD DISK GIRLS: She remembers everything, FOREVER

RAM GIRLS: She forget about you, the moment turn her off

WINDOW GIRLS: Everyone know that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

SCREENSAVER GIRLS: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun

INTERNET GIRLS: Difficult to access

SERVER GIRLS: Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA GIRLS: She make horrible thing look beautiful

CD-ROM GIRLS: She is always faster and faster.

EMAIL GIRLS: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS GIRLS: Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes, install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don't try you uninstall her you will lose everything...

Awesome, awesome, Ejaz! U're the man!!!!!! Nice one!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D

http://www.norse-myths.com/A-Kyo-1.gif

See ye',
Xeon.

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1. Open google.

2. click 'language tools' link.

3. Write "Aishwarya's mom is very nice" in 'Translate text:' textbox.

4. Select "English to Spanish" in the below combo.

5. Press Translate and wait for translation.

6. Now copy the translated text from the above text and paste it in the

'Translate text:' textbox.

7. Select "Spanish to English" in the below combo.

8. Press Translate and wait for translation.

9. Enjoy.

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laughed alot...:lol:

Disclaimer: Got via mail...:D

PS: Aishwarya is most popular Indian movie actress(you can google images to take a look)

hey, look at that,
do you know what i mean ?
you must know what i dont know what i mean
that you know what i mean what you dont mean
as i know what i am writing and reading what you dont even know
what it could mean ...

does anyone get what i mean ?

For indian guys, its from the famous Indian Movie "Showlay", Its not completely in English, some can do that, I've to run now, so can't do that myself, sorry... and enjoy ;)

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Gabbar Mix
Gabbar Singh sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.

They reach Ramgad and start shouting: "Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software? Last date to kab ka nikal gaya".

Thakur [with anger]: "Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai."

Kaalia: "Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?"

Thakur: "Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai."

Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop. Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: "Ha ha... thakur ne freshers ko liya hai ye log Programming karenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate."

Veeru shouts: "Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain, Kuch bhi kar sakte hain." Jay hits some commands on his keyboard, then says: "jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya."

AT GABBAR'S DEN...

Gabbar: "Kitne bugs the?"

Kaalia: "Do sarkaar."

Gabbar: "Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbar bahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi... barobar milegi."

[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. "Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?"

Sambaa: "Chhey sarkaar."

Gabbar: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai."

[logout - logout - logout]. "Haan ab theek hai... ab tera kya hoga Kaalia?"

Kaalia: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha."

Gabbar: "To ab documentation kar!"

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Originally Posted by Ejaz

For indian guys...

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But I can't understand it either :(

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Originally Posted by Mathew Joy

But I can't understand it either :(

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:confused: Huh... Have u seen the movie "Showlay" ? :ehh:

From Matthew:

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Aishwarya is most popular Indian movie actress

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Actually, Aish isn't that pretty. I know there's a few other Indian female celebrities who're way more gorgeous than her, but not as popular. Sigh. :(

http://www.norse-myths.com/A-Athena-1.gif

Good day!
Xeon.

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Originally Posted by Ejaz

VIRUS GIRLS: Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes, install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don't try you uninstall her you will lose everything...

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Fully agree greate joke :wave:

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Originally Posted by Xeon

From Max:

Do they show PCK there in the US too? Hate to say this, but us Singaporeans find him very lame, trust me. Buy a ticket here and ask the guys what they think of him.
Because he spoke 101% Singlish in the show a few years back, our then Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong sent him for a English course, even though that PCK fool is well-versed in English off the show. :D

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What US?? :confused: look at my location dude.. We r neighbours..:p

Well, everyone knows h is well versed in english off the show, but speaking Singlish is what makes the show Unique.. haha

For those who did not understand Ejaz's post:

'Sholay' is a popular 70's movie. Gabbar is a bandit and he sends his men to Ramgarh to collect his 'tax'. Thakur is leader of that village and has hired two young men to protect the village.

This is the IT sequel of the same :

Gabbar Mix
Gabbar Singh sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.

They reach Ramgad and start shouting: "Thakur ! Where is that Robbery s/w. Last date is already over"

Thakur [with anger]: "Dont shout! Go and tell Gabbar that Thakur solutions has stopped providing s/w to dogs."

Kaalia: "How dare u talk like this. It seems that u have hired new programmers"

Thakur: "Just look up and see. Powerbuilder is running on ur head"

(In film scene, the two gunners are positioned on top of a water tank and another on a top of a roof)

Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another, using a laptop. Kaalia Starts Laughing
and says: "Ha ha... Thakur has hired fresh grads. they dont even know DOS commands."

Veeru shouts: "Shut up u dogs. We are consultants, not freshers. We can do anything." Jay hits some commands on his keyboard, then says: "Go Kaliya, tell Gabbar that we have shut down his server."

AT GABBAR'S DEN...

Gabbar: "How many were they?"

Kaalia: "two, my lord."

Gabbar: "You were 3, they were 2.Still u could not get the issuefixed. What were u thinking? Boss will be happy and give a new assignment. U will be punished severely."

[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. "How many seesions running on this?"

Sambaa: "six, my lord."

Gabbar: "Six sessions, 3 programmers, not right."

[logout - logout - logout]. "Now its ok. Kaliya, what should I do to u?"

Kaalia: "Sarkaar, I have coded for u."

Gabbar: "Now document for me!"
(In film, gabbar snatches a revolver and empties 3 chambers. 3 bullets for 3 men)

If u still dont get it. Watch 'Sholay'!! :D

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Originally Posted by Ejaz

:confused: Huh... Have u seen the movie "Showlay" ? :ehh:

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Don't understand Hindi :( . So I don't watch Hindi movies.

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Originally Posted by Xeon

Actually, Aish isn't that pretty. I know there's a few other Indian female celebrities who're way more gorgeous than her, but not as popular. Sigh. :(

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Maybe Preity Zinta is worth looking

or maybe Kajol or Rani Mukhreji.. those two... hmmm expecially Rani..;)

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Originally Posted by Max Payne

or maybe Kajol or Rani Mukhreji.. those two... hmmm expecially Rani..;)

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What about Monica Bellucci, Max? :p

Has anybody heard about Mallika Sherawat ?

She is new to Indian films. She is also working in Jackie Chan's Myth

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Originally Posted by chmanish

Has anybody heard about Mallika Sherawat ?

She is new to Indian films. She is also working in Jackie Chan's Myth

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Yeah, and I guess there is a link (of her pics with JC) in the last pages of "Sexiest Actress" thread, posted by "TheSaint". ;)

From Max:

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Well, everyone knows h is well versed in english off the show, but speaking Singlish is what makes the show Unique.. haha

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So, you're from Malaysia, kid! Say, I just noticed that these Malaysian-Chinese girls who come to Singapore are all pretty good-looking. U agree on this point? Nice! ;)

From Ejaz to Max:

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What about Monica Bellucci, Max?

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Nah, Monica is somewhat chubby. Not that pretty either. Avril Lavigne is better.

Good day,
Xeon.

Mick is Love...
Free Mick...

Attica...Attica...Attica

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Originally Posted by Xeon

From Max:

So, you're from Malaysia, kid! Say, I just noticed that these Malaysian-Chinese girls who come to Singapore are all pretty good-looking. U agree on this point? Nice! ;)

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THere are also many pretty malays girls..:thumb::cool: but the chinese are more sexier..:p

A new chinese girl has just joined my team, and she is HOT!!! can't get my eyes off her...:D

\I just noticed my boss tend to pick these sexy pretty girls to be programmers..?? maybe its one way to motivate us guys...:p

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Originally Posted by Xeon

From Ejaz to Max:

Nah, Monica is somewhat chubby. Not that pretty either. Avril Lavigne is better.

Good day,
Xeon.

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HEY! she is not chubby... she is ... errr sexy...:p Avril is too skinny..

//btw discuss about girls in the "Sexiest Actress"..thread.. more jokes here.. make me laugh..

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Originally Posted by Max Payne

THere are also many pretty malays girls..:thumb::cool: but the chinese are more sexier..:p

A new chinese girl has just joined my team, and she is HOT!!! can't get my eyes off her...:D

\I just noticed my boss tend to pick these sexy pretty girls to be programmers..?? maybe its one way to motivate us guys...:p


HEY! she is not chubby... she is ... errr sexy...:p Avril is too skinny..

//btw discuss about girls in the "Sexiest Actress"..thread.. more jokes here.. make me laugh..

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Mick is Love...
Free Mick...

Attica...Attica...Attica

/Max...you're screwing up my spam run...please I worked so hard...take a chill pill

A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course,
the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the
biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned
you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner,
apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm
voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the
damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken
antique
bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on
the
couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh...yeah,
sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see,
I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand
years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes.
I'll
give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one
for myself." "Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a
moment and
blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my
life." "No
problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And
I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd
like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in
the
world," she said. "Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes
will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a
woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your
wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both
now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She
mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right.
Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about
you, honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same
for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of
the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.

After about three hours of non-stop fun, the genie rolled over and
looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your
husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"Really? Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in
genies?"

Mick is Love...
Free Mick...

Attica...Attica...Attica

/This is an automated response

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Originally Posted by chmanish

A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, ...

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Excellent one :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Originally Posted by Mathew Joy

Excellent one :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Yea...great :)

Mick is Love...
Free Mick...

Attica...Attica...Attica

/This is an automated response

Mathew loves whom he Love...
Mathew trying to Free Mick...

From Attica...Attica...Attica

/This is a response for the automated response

Mick is Love...
Free Mick...

Attica...Attica...Attica

/This is an automated response


Some moderator will come and free me..free me moderator...free me!!!

Prevention better than cure.

See attached image

I don't know...when you can grow your own teeth in a dish then I'd say prevention has left the door...

/Leave it to the Brits to go down that R&D path..

Copy Paste
---------------
Not too long ago, a large seminar was held for ministers and reverends in
training. Among the facilitators were many well-known motivational
speakers. One such speaker boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering
the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent
in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "That woman was my
mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was
well received.

About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar
decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit
one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit
foggy to him. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest
years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

His congregation sat shocked, murmuring. After standing there for almost
10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor
finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste.

Godd One.. :thumb::D

From Max:

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THere are also many pretty malays girls.. but the chinese are more sexier..

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Definetly! I went to my neighbourhood hair salon a few weeks ago and the girl was so cute and hot! My! But I think she's kinda 3 - 5 years older than me, for sure.
She's obviously a M-Chinese, cos' due to her accent which is obvious. Nice girl!

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I just noticed my boss tend to pick these sexy pretty girls to be programmers..?? maybe its one way to motivate us guys

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But then.....does he pick the pretty girls first, and then teach them programming?
Or does he pick only the pretty ones out of those who already know programming?
Cos' from my opinion, you can't find any truly pretty girl(high-end Princess and above) in programming classes/teams/companies.
The most you get is a girl who score 6.5 outta 10. :cry:

See you, pals.
Xeon.

6.5 is already a good mark if you ask me.. :D

HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new file in your PC.

2! . Name it " Boss"

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN

5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"

6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

7. Feel better?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Have a nice day ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.paradoxware.com/alstudio/cv/en.htm

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Originally Posted by Ejaz

HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new file in your PC.

2! . Name it " Ejaz"

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN

5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Ejaz permanently?"

6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

7. Feel better?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Have a nice day ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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I feel better now...:D

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Originally Posted by Max Payne

I feel better now...:D

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Alteast you accept me as your boss. :D Ok, from now on, no more pretty chicks in your department :p Lets see how +ve outlook to show now :cool:

opps... you know what would happen when you cut the "supply", low productivity, more bugs, less fixing, and most importantly, lots of "Horny" team members playing "WACK THE SACK" game.. :D you beware.. :p

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Originally Posted by Max Payne

opps... you know what would happen when you cut the "supply", low productivity, more bugs, less fixing, and most importantly, lots of "Horny" team members playing "WACK THE SACK" game.. :D you beware.. :p

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Ok, then why not I replace the low productive units with new ones? :rolleyes: Always remember, never challenge your boss :thumb: :D [unless you have some weak(s) point of him] ;)

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Originally Posted by Ejaz

Ok, then why not I replace the low productive units with new ones? :rolleyes: Always remember, never challenge your boss :thumb: :D [unless you have some weak(s) point of him] ;)

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nahh my boss loves me.. :p

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Originally Posted by Max Payne

nahh my boss loves me.. :p

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Your boss loves you :confused: or is affectionate to you? :rolleyes: It is different to be affectionate with someone or ..... :D I wonder is that the reason why you wanted to delete me ... permanently :p

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Originally Posted by Xeon

The most you get is a girl who score 6.5 outta 10. :cry:

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UUmm..I dont rate girls that way...I couldnt ...never...I have a 3 point scale...In ascending order of goodness:
1. Good
2. Very Good
3. Best/Excellent

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Originally Posted by exterminator

UUmm..I dont rate girls that way...I couldnt ...never...

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Son...I'll let you in on a little secret here...now I know you are gonna say...but mick that's unpossible...but this is true...girls don't poop...I know I know...tin foil hat time...but it's true...they don't poop...I have pictures and papers to prove this...but the man he keeps me down...I'm just trying to tell the world..they don't poop....

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Originally Posted by Mick

Son...I'll let you in on a little secret here...now I know you are gonna say...but mick that's unpossible...but this is true...girls don't poop...I know I know...tin foil hat time...but it's true...they don't poop...I have pictures and papers to prove this...but the man he keeps me down...I'm just trying to tell the world..they don't poop....

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:rolleyes: :ehh: :confused: :eek: :( :sick:

Mick Loves girls

Girls free Mick

Attica, Attica, Attica...

/A response to the response.

From Wiktionary.com

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to poop (poops, pooped, pooping)
-to excrete
And the horse went poop right in the middle of the parade.
-to tire out
I'm pooped from working so hard
-to fart
Stop pooping, it stinks in here!

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I wander which meaning does Mick choose...

Ejaz, why did you delete those smilies? :D