:thumb:
Printable View
:thumb:
From the latest news reports:
"WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the personal
library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost.
Presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had not
finished coloring the second one."
And now for some Microsoft (and other comptuer geek) ones...I think that this one was posted already... not sure.Quote:
A mechanic, chemical engineer and a computer programmer were carpooling to work when the car broke down.
The mechanic speculated it might be a problem with the engine.
The chemical engineer thought they should check the fluids.
The computer programmer suggested they all get out of the car and get back in again, then see if it works!
Quote:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected
child processing that took up a lot of space and
valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other
programs and now monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0,
Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run,
crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to
keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to
run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going
back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work
on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
The below one is probably my favorite of this entire bunch...Quote:
This is easy to see
happening, customer service being what it is.... Someone's Aunt died
this past January.
Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service
charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the
monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00...now it was somewhere
around $60.00 . I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:
Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges
still apply."
Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections"
CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report
her to the credit bureau maybe both!"
Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
CitiBank:"...excuse me?"
Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her
being dead?"
CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!" (Supervisor gets
on the phone)
Me: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges
still apply."
Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
CitiBank: ".....(stammer)" ..... "Are you her lawyer?"
Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )
CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given. After they get the fax. )
CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death"
Me: "Oh..."
CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."
Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep
billing her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."
CitiBank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."
Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"
CitiBank: "That might help."
Me: "Nilai Memorial Park Cemetery (North South Highway and plot number
given.)
CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"
Quote:
Great Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
I've heard that the below one appeared on sony.com, not sure though...Quote:
SCSI is *NOT* magic. There are *fundamental technical reasons*
why it is necessary to sacrifice a young goat to your SCSI chain
now and then.
- John Woods
Quote:
"This server has encountered an internal error which prevents it from fulfilling your request and there's not a darn thing you can do about it. The most likely cause is a misconfiguration, or the fact that this is all a plot by the government to drive you insane. Please ask the administrator to look for messages in the server's error log. His name is Mel. You can find his home phone number is listed in the code for this page. If a woman named Mabel answers for the love of God hang up!"
This is probably my second favorite one, not because of Microsoft bashing, but because of the quircky way it was put together.Quote:
"Three servers for the admins under the influence of rye,
seven routers for the network techs in their halls of stone
Nine workstations for mortal lusers doomed to die
One NT box from the dark lord on his throne
in the land of Redmond where the shadows lie
Enjoy you geeks :wave: (I know I have.)Quote:
One box to run them all, one box to blind them
one box to control them all and in the darkness grind them
from the land of Redmond where the shadows lie."
Ahhh..... the fine art of Bush-bashing :rolleyes: .Quote:
Originally Posted by dimm_coder
I KNEW IT!!!
Bill Gates is SAURON!!! :eek:
You're missing one part here. The correct line is:Quote:
A mechanic, chemical engineer and a computer programmer were carpooling to work when the car broke down.
The mechanic speculated it might be a problem with the engine.
The chemical engineer thought they should check the fluids.
The computer programmer suggested they all get out of the car and get back in again, then see if it works!
:D :D :pQuote:
The computer programmer suggested they close all windows, get out of the car and get back in again, then see if it works !
:shrug: Found it at a different site, found it funny the way it was... it still is.Quote:
Originally Posted by Elrond
Boss: John, why are you so late?
John: You told me yesterday to read the newspaper at home...
First Boss: Why are you're employees always on time at work?
Second Boss: It's simple. I have 30 employees and only 20 parking spaces.
I've worked for a guy who used to do that.Quote:
Originally Posted by cilu
Little Johnny's neighbours had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and baby came home from the hospital Johnny's family was invited over to see the new baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word "ears" he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad that he understood completely.
When Johnny looked in the crib he announced, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."
Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes."
"That's very nice of you," said the baby's mother.
"Can he see okay?" asked Little Johnny.
"Yes", replied the mother, "we are so thankful, the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."
"That's great", said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be ****ed if he needed glasses."
Classic, but still funny ! :D :D
TALK BETWEEN IT GUY AND A LABOURER
IT guy - (Asks worker) What do you have?
Daily Wage Construction Worker - .......stays *quite*
IT guy - I have Money, Name, Stock Options What do
you have?
Daily Wage Construction Worker - (Softly) I have work.
:cool:
Friends of women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night. So the husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirm that.
Friends of men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them.
The Programmers' Cheer
Shift to the left, shift to the right!
Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
"Have you heard about the object-orieented way to become wealthy?"
"No..."
"Inheritance."
Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?
Because it is below "C" level.
Hmmm...Quote:
Originally Posted by santoct2002
It seems the worker jus has taken his salary calculated with a buggy application made by that IT guy. :D