Your definition is quite correct. If everything is happening in correct order, mister comes first, mistress is second and there should me a mattress at the end. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by John E
Printable View
Your definition is quite correct. If everything is happening in correct order, mister comes first, mistress is second and there should me a mattress at the end. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by John E
-----====[Something to Wonder About]====-----
1. If all the nations in the world are in debt ( I am not joking. even US
has got debts), where did all the money go? (Weird)
2. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (To be
given a thought)
3. What is the speed of darkness? (Absurd)
4. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (Very good
thinking)
5. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (Who knows)
6. Can you cry under water? (Let me try)
7. Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just
sit around all day? (I think they meant something else)
8. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)
9. Do fish ever get thirsty? (Let me ask and tell)
10. Can you get cornered in a round room? (By ones eyes)
11. What does OK actually mean? (OK, I don't know)
12. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (Tonight I
will stay and watch)
13. What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (Seed)
14. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)
15. What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments)
16. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they
remember that they forgot? (Can somebody help)
17. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (Yes u can)
18. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (Strange isn't it)
19. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your
radio would you be able to hear it? (Got to think scientifically)
20. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your
headlights on, what happens? (I don't have a change to try)
21. Why is it called a TV set when there's only one? (Very nice)
22. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down
to the core of the earth? (This is nice)
23. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when
you legally can't go that fast on any road? (Stupid, break the law)
I liked these questions, and also the brazillion joke.
Q: Do you have to wait for three hours after lunch before going to swin, even if your meal was a fish?
Q: How many months have 28 days?
Don't say only February.
Q: What was the name of the president twenty years ago?
A: The same as it is today, because he did not change his name.
Some Top Tips!!
DON'T waste money on an expensive iPod. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song and hum that one instead.
MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it later
RAPPERS: Avoid having to say 'ya know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.
EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the applications into the bin.
GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending $50 to yourself through the mail.
SHOES last twice as long if you only wear them every other day.
WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.
MURDERERS: Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. Chances are you'll never see it again.
BURGLARS: When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you.
ALCOHOL: makes an ideal substitute for happiness.
DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn, shout loudly and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.
CAR thieves: Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the trunk or under a seat.
PREVENT burglars from stealing everything in your house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.
DEPRESSED people: Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help', Simply shout 'Help!' This will save money on paracetamol, etc.
MOTORISTS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your mobile phone whilst driving. Simply pop the phone inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.
The pick of tips :DQuote:
Originally Posted by John E
heheh...I didn't noticed that you had an edit version....Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeb
if you like to spell "dog" backward...then I used reverse logic...
just reverse the word "dog" and use opposite of "didn't exist"...then substitute them into the texts...see what you'll get:D....
anyway:
"I divorced my husband, a veterinarian...he knows nothing except dawgy stuyl.."
"I divorced my husband, a mathematician...he knows nothing except 69.."
"I divorced my husband, a programmer...he know nothing except pr0n.."
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in the bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks, "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The
first man responds, "You don't say. I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of course," replies the second man, and they both pour back their drinks.
Curious, the first man then asks, "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I
can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin!"
They both continue drinking.
Curiosity strikes again and the first man asks, "What school did you go to?" "St. Mary's,"
replied the second man. "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable," the first man says. "I went to
St. Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time, in co! mes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?"
he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Mally twins are drunk again."
Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess.
The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a matchbox and asked, "Is this your computer?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No." She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!" Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his. The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said, "Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM!". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, its better keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: "bread."
If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else.Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water.
If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain
is obviously over stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you
need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate, such
as Children's World."
If you said "water," proceed to Question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made
from blue bricks, and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black
house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.
If you said, "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing reading
these questions?????
If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.
4. Twenty years ago, a plane was flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If
you recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines
failed. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also
failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the third
engine fails before he has time to attempt an emergency landing, and
the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East
Germany and West Germany.
Where would you bury the survivors? . . . in East Germany or West
Germany or in "no man's land"?
Answer: You don't, Of course, bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real .........!!! and you must
NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not
be appreciated.
If you said, "Don't bury the survivors," proceed to the next question.
5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute how
many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
Answer: One degree.
If you said, "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree," you are
to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of
your league. Turn in your pencil, and exit the room.
Everyone else proceed to the final question.
6. Without using a calculator -- You are driving a bus from London to
Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus,and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.
What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember?
It was YOU!!
Napoleon at Waterloo sees something on the horizon.
"Quickly, the ocular" he demands to a soldier.
The soldier replys:
"Mon Dieu, vous parlez en Anglais"!
lol cilu, that one is funny and unexpected ;)
Quote:
Originally Posted by cilu
I don't get it... :confused:
The soldier answers in french: "My God! You are speaking English!"
ROTFL, brazilian and french jokes made me laughing a lot... :thumb:
A gentleman is a person who knows how to play bagpipes and who doesn't play them.
One politician, One thief & One Programmer died & went straight to h e l l.
Politician said "I miss my country. I want to call my country and
see how everybody is doing there." She called and talked for about
5 minutes, then she asked "Well, devil how much do I need to pay
for the call???? The devil says "Five million dollars".
The Politician wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.
Thief was so jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call
the my group members, I want to see how everybody is doing there
too"
He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked "Well, devil
how much do I need to pay for the call????
The devil says "Ten million dollars".
With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back
on his chair.
Programmer was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call
my IT friends too",
He called other IT person and he talked for twenty hours about
various technologies and Project Managers, he talked & talked &
talked, then he asked "Well, devil how much do I need to pay for
the call????
The devil says "Twenty dollars".
Programmer is stunned & says "Twenty dollars??? Only ??"
Devil says
"Calling h e l l to h e l l is local"
Now Get Back to h e l l again !!!
Vampire bat
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as **** didn't!"
HAHA... I like that one.
Q: How do you know what a bat has fainted?
A: It keeps its head up (and legs down).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yves M
Heh heh that is funny... Thanks for the translation.
Shoot me if this one has been posted already! :p
Quote:
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long,
Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a
leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having
lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down
to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the
leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was
one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more
around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike,
a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearl y had
me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a
nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it
for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees
him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that
something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard,
spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says,
"Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that
conniving canine!"
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on
his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of
running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending
she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get
close enough to hear, the old poodlesays:
"Where's that **** monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to
bring me another leopard!"
Moscow. The soviet era. One day an announcement appears in a central newspaper:
"We announce that comrade Gagarin was given a car".
The second day, same newspaper, there comes the disclaimer:
"Concerning the yesterday announcement, it was actually about comrade Popov, not comrade Gagarin, a byke, not a car, and it was stolen not given to him."
The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was
to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, I'm off. The man should be
here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam.
I've come to......"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,"
Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! My specialty is
babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
Photographer - "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the
living room floor is fun too....you can really spread out!"
Wife - "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry
and me."
Photographer - "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every
time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or
seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
Wife - "My, my, that's a lot of ."
Photographer - "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time.
I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed
with that, I'm sure."
Wife (muttering)- "Don't I know it,"
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
Photographer - "This was done on the top of a bus.
"Wife - "Oh my god!!"
Photographer - "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, When you
consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
Wife - "She was difficult ?"
Photographer - "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the
park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and
five deep, pushing to get a good look.
"Wife - "Four and five deep?" (eyes widened in amazement)
Photographer - "Yes, and for more than three hours, too. The mother was
constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate! Then
darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Wife (leaning forward) - "You mean they actually chewed on your
um...equipment ?"
Photographer - "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up
my tripod so that we can get to work"
Wife - "Tripod??
Photographer - "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam?...
Good Lord, she's fainted!!
roflmao @ that!! Brilliant!! :thumb: :D
Hillarious...
..........
Quote:
Dear Husband,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been *ell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
Your EX-Wife
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Quote:
Dear Ex-Wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.
But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.
I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed Rich As *ell and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother, was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
That's hillarious... :D :D :D
A friend of mine sent me this :
A truck driver hauling a tractor trailer filled with computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door reading, "Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter at Your Own Risk."
He enters the bar and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs him, says he smells kind of nerdy, and asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says okay, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer.
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.
The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and now they are in season.
"You don't even need a license," he said.
So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. Remembering what had happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly.
A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
The truck driver says, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."
"Well, sure," says the patrolman, "but you can't bait 'em."
Please post jokes in the General Discussion forum. Thanks
Oops... Somebody will move it
well for next time...
Yeah I'll remember next time...
Sure is funny though ;)
Have nice days... and forgive me for delay: I am really busy in these days. In any case, story sounds funny, hoping who tells is ...a nerd of us!
;)
[ merged threads ]
Hey Guru,Quote:
Originally Posted by Cimperiali
Where are you now a days? CG is missing you and me too?
Official Language of the European Union
/if zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl...Quote:
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and would become known as "Euro-English" after a 5-year phase-in plan.
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm.
In the sekond year the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer pepl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
Not really a joke...
The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen:
"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper using a barometer."
One student replied: "You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. He appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.
For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:
"Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H=0.5g xt squared. But bad luck on the barometer!
Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper.
But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T=2 pi squareroot (l/g).
"Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up."
"If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building."
But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'."
The student was Niels Bohr, the only Dane to ever win the Nobel prize for Physics.
zats a gud one, but... Did you know it was first released when Arnold became governer, and it was about the English spoken in Kalifornia?Quote:
Official Language of the European Union
I liked very much the story of Euro-English and the story of the barometer. They are excellent.
A German man meets a British woman in a pub in London. He wants to impress her with his knowledge of English, and orders himself the drinks:
- Two Viskys, please
- Dry?
- Nein, zwei.
I think the one on english has been posted befor. but it`s a nice 1.
Realistically, it actually be nice to have some form of speling reform for english. the current speling system is a nuisance to learn and many times a nuisance to use as wel
wat do u think?
You know what?
This thread has crossed another milestone....
It has reached 25,000 views!!!
:D I knew the real version of that story with a German spy++ in London... ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by olivthill
Anyhow, given the fact that my job often requires talking with German fellows, I have tried to learn German.
No sweat. I already know the numbers from one to six: ein, zwei, polizei, drei, vier, grenadier... :D
:eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by ovidiucucu
Addictive to MS tools that much?? :p
Yes indeed. Especially one of the 3rd year reforms will be very useful: "the removal of double letters..."Quote:
Originally Posted by hitai
That will avoid such unpleasant situations when in a formal e-mail you can do the following little mistake:
/sincerely... I made it once... :D ;)Quote:
Please, take a look above and bellow!
Well, just habits.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ajay Vijay
It's like saying man++ to Superman. :p
...Quote:
What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58,68, and 78 ? At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!! At 78 - What story??? What bed??? Who are you???
:lol: :thumb:Quote:
Originally Posted by mehdi62b
I took two years of German in high school. I learnt a lot too, sure... :rolleyes:
Ich un du
MurleB ku
MurleB eissel
das bist du!
:thumbd: :lol: :lol:
i know some..
ACHTUNG
WAHNSINIG
FYI: 1 gallon is approx to 3.8 litres for those who don't know...
----------------
USS Constitution
----------------
The following tale is from the history of the oldest commissioned warship in the world,
the USS Constitution. It comes by way of the National Park Service, as printed in
"Oceanographic Ships, Fore and Aft," a periodical from the oceanographer of the US Navy.
On 23 August 1779, the USS Constitution set sail from Boston, loaded with 475 officers
and men, 48,600 gallons of water, 74,000 cannon shot, 11,500 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum. Her mission: to destroy and harass English shipping.
On 6 October, she made Jamaica, took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum.
Three weeks later, Constitution reached the Azores, where she provisioned with 550
pounds of beef and 2,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.
On 18 November, she set sail for England where her crew captured and scuttled 12 English
merchant vessels and took aboard their rum. By this time, Constitution had run out of
shot. Nevertheless, she made her way unarmed up the Firth of Clyde for a night raid. Here, her landing party captured a whiskey distillery, transferred 13,000 gallons aboard
and headed for home.
On 20 February 1780, the Constitution arrived in Boston with no cannon shot, no food, no
powder, no rum and no whiskey. She did, however, still carry her crew of 475 officers and
men and 18,600 gallons of water.
The maths is quite enlightening:
Length of cruise: 181 days
Booze consumption: 1.26 gallons per man per day (this does NOT include the
unknown quantity of rum captured from the 12 English merchant vessels in
November).
Naval historians say that the re-enlistment rate from this cruise was 92%.