Well, I'm currious to know where have the 74,000 (!) cannon shot been fired.
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Well, I'm currious to know where have the 74,000 (!) cannon shot been fired.
here's Mine
Q: What's the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.
Please get up!
Once a newly married couple had a quarrel as a consequence of which, all conversation between them stopped. Unfortunately the husband was to attend his office very early the next morning.
So he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me up at 6 a.m. tomorrow morning," and kept it beside his wife s pillow.
His wife read it and went to sleep. He woke up very late the next morning and got very angry. He looked ferociously at his wife, but she calmly pointed towards his pillow. Under his pillow he found a piece of paper.
On it was written, "Please get up, it is 6 o clock now."
[ merged threads ]
All the scientists die and go to heaven............ They
decide to play hide-n-seek......... Unfortunately Einstein
is the one who has the den........... He is supposed to
count up to 100...and then start searching.....Everyone
starts hiding except Newton ......... Newton just draws a
square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of
Einstein...........
Einstein's counting: 1,2,3......97,98,99.....100........ He
opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front......
Einstein says " Newton 's out. Newton's....out....." Newton
denies and says Newton is not out........ He claims that he
is not Newton ...... All the scientists come out to see how
he proves that he is not Newton .......... Newton says "I am
standing in a square of area 1m squared.....
That makes me Newton per meter squared...... since a Newton
per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore
Pascal is OUT !
That's a great joke. I love jokes with scientists.
An old mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to the bed.
"You lissin-a me - I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated .38 revolver so you
will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your rolex
watch instead?"
"Shuddup and lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have
a beautifulla wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a coulple a
bambinos. Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find your beautifula wife
in bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then? Pointa to your watch and
say: 'Time's up?' "
:D he..he..
Blonde woman was driving her car home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a really bad hailstorm. The hailstones were as big as golf balls, and her car got dented up really bad. The next day, she took her car into a repair shop to have the dents examined. The repairman, noticing that she was blonde and quite dingy when she spoke, decided to have some fun.
He told her to blow into the tailpipe of the car really hard when she got home, as this would cause all of the dents to pop out.
When she got home, she started blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could over and over.
Just then, her best friend, who also is blonde, showed up.
Her friend saw her blowing into the tailpipe and was quite startled by the action.
She blurted out flippantly, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe real hard so that the dents would pop out.
Her girlfriend said, "Uh! You need to roll up the windows first!"
An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband.
The mother asks the daughter "What are you doing naked?"
The daughter responds "This is the dress of love."
When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband. When her husband arrives, he asks her "What are you doing naked, woman?"
She responds "This is the dress of love."
And he said to her "Well, go iron it first."
Good one.. hahahaQuote:
Originally Posted by cilu
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a woman from New Delhi,
and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning.
He said it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were done.
The second man had married a woman from Bombay.
He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.
On the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better.
By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a Punjabi girl.
He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said...
the first day he didn't see anything,
the second day he didn't see anything..
but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.
//Punjab is one of the states in India. And punjabi girls are said to be very pretty and pretty they are... but they are strong as well... :D
Initially I thought it might be the female version of sardar jokes :DQuote:
Originally Posted by exterminator
/Panjabi guys must be the strongest poeple in India
I think it is Punjabi, not Panjabi
A "down" intonation at the end of certain words might show affection in especially English language but today I guess it is mostly used as a colloquial language with only kids.
People can still recognize the bad transformation of the tone though, please have a look at that for later's better shows...
:D Me too...!!! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Mathew Joy
Yup seems so...Main Jatt Amla Pagla Deewana... :D another one..another one...please dont go...Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathew Joy
"No if..No but...Sirf Jatt".... :D :D :D ..ROFL ROFL....stood up ...sat on chair...but again ROFL... :D
Disclaimer - no harm to anyone or anyone's feeling intended..its just that I find these lines very funny...
umm...an Indian...but find difficult understanding Hindi :o
Being from Kerala convinces me about that. No problem...I will enjoy it..and in fact am...by the way...both are Sunny Deol movies so I guess you could imagine...the fun ... :thumb:Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathew Joy
That may covnice you, but the fact that I don't watch Hindi movies might be hard to digest :o
/people here find that amazing :o
That is cool, but have you read the FAQ/Code of ethics before posting this?Quote:
Originally Posted by exterminator
This is non-ethical and you should remove that post immediately.
Moderators...
Really??? I had no idea...will do it immediately..By the way you should also edit your post to remove the quoted link.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ajay Vijay
Now how about this one: (Not sure about the trueness of the facts but its really wierd)
Have a history teacher explain this if they can !
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost a child while living in the WhiteHouse.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kenned! y, was born in 1908
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born 1839
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born 1939
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat
Lincolnwas shot at the theater named "Ford."
Kennedy was shot in a car called "Lincoln" made by "Ford."
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the "kicker":
A week before Lincolnwas shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
and Lincolnwas shot in a theater and the assassin ran to a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and the assassin ran to a theater.
Same bubbles, different character: http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/tetka.html.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ajay
I don't see the joke here, but it's funny.Quote:
Have a history teacher explain this if they can !
"Have a history teacher explain this if they can ! " line was out of the forwarded mail that came...its not a joke in fact but it seemed very very wierd to me...and hence thought of putting up...
By the way...Is that Paris Hilton or someone else? Again I felt very very dizzy....when i tried looking at that screen for some time...what is up with that flash thing? Same happened with me when playing NFS5 - Porsche unleashed... I couldnt go on with it for more than 5 mins or so... :DQuote:
Originally Posted by cilu
Hmm..I have read this before in an 'unexplained' book. It is said that Abraham Lincoln had a dream, that he was walking to the living room where he saw everyone crying. And when he enquired what was happening, a woman explained it was the president. Then he saw himself in the coffin. Exactly one week after this dream, he died :eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by exterminator
mukesh said to anil ambani, "i want to kiss your wife", anil replied, OK but 40 paisa/min, Tina shouted, "dont cheat him, Reliance to Reliance is free"
Eh?? I don't get it.... no seriously... Indian Joke?
FYI:
Mukesh and Anil Ambani are brothers and jointly own (now separate) Reliance gropu of industry. This group also has Reliance infoComm, a mobile service provider, which allows free call from one subsriber to another. Tina, ex-bollywood star is Anil's wife.
The joke and the detailed explanation (not necessarily) must be removed.. Could be considered un-ethical. Regards.Quote:
Originally Posted by chmanish
Here is one for you guys about our old Santa and Banta:Quote:
Santa and Banta Singh were both in a mental hospital. Once they were walking past a swimming pool, Santa suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Banta promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled Santa out.
When the medical director became aware of Banta's heroic act, he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Banta the news, he said, Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Santa, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead. Banta replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry."
I think it must be OK. We have jokes about Clinton, Bush and Monica doing a worse thing. :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by exterminator
Funny joke. Though I did not understand who was Banta.
Santa and Banta are two very close friends. You can find more about them here - Santa and Banta. They are now a brand in the jokes community, very popular ficticious characters in Indian Jokes.Quote:
Originally Posted by cilu
Yes, it is. ;) I suggest to remove the above post.
Humor in C about software professionals abroad.
Code:struct Indian_ Bachelor _ software_ professional
{
double standards;
short sighted;
long time _ between visits_ to_ Indian;
float horoscope;
void girlfriend;
chart desperate;
};
struct Married_ Indian_ Software_ Professional
{
double trouble ;
short charged;
long sighs;
float hopes;
void independence;
char philosophical;
}
struct Indian _Engaged _software _professional
{
double time _at _work;
/ / to get long vacation to India short attention _ span ;
long phone _calls _to _Indian;
float on _cloud _nine;
void bank _balance; char edgy;
}
struct Indian _Newly _Married _software _professional
{
double dinner _invitations;
short time _at _work;
long lunch _breaks;
float wife _resumes;
void bank _balance;
char hen _pecked;
}
lol
double bravo
Ok, you have to have done first year chem or physics for this one.
(I doubt the validity of the story but it makes for good reading)
Boyle's Law
-------------
This is forwarded from a graduate of the U. of Oklahoma Chemical Engineering Dept., citing one of Dr. Schlambaugh's final test questions for his final exam of 1997.Dr. Schlambaugh is known for asking questions on his finals like: "Why do airplanes fly?" In May 1997, the "Momentum, Heat, and Mass Transfer II" final exam question was: "Is H e l l exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however wrote the following:
First, we postulate that if souls exist, they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls also must have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into H e l l and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to H e l l , it does not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering H e l l , let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some religions say that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to H e l l . Since there are more than one of these religions, and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to H e l l . With the birth and death rates what they are, we can expect the number of souls in H e l l to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in the volume of H e l l . Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in H e l l to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of the souls and volume needs to stay constant.
[Al] So, if H e l l is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter H e l l , then the temperature and pressure in H e l l will increase until all H e l l breaks loose.
[A2] Of course, if H e l l is expanding at a rate faster than the increase in souls in H e l l , then the temperature and pressure will drop until H e l l freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Theresa Banyan during freshman year, that 'It'll be a cold day in H e l l before I sleep with you,' and taking into account that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then [A2] cannot be true; thus, H e l l is exothermic.
The student got the only A.
It was really difficult to absorb
I heard that story about one year ago. I am reluctant to consider it true, but I would like to believe it is so. Anyway, it's quite funny. ;)
Check Out This
But he is not carrying the Paper, he is carrying some bags. Right?
-SatishQuote:
As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towards
legislation which requires the prominent placing of warnings on products
that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the
cautionary thought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely
scratch the surface of what is really necessary in this important area.
This is especially true in light of the findings of 20th century physics.
We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we join
together in an intensive push for new laws that will mandate the
conspicuous placement of suitably informative warnings on the packaging of
every product offered for sale in the United States of America. Our
suggested list of warnings appears below.
WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe,
Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to
the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between
Them.
CAUTION: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85
Million
Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged
Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per
Hour.
CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is Impossible
for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This
Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving. (Note: This one is optional on the
grounds that Heisenburg was never quite sure that his principle was
correct)
ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a
Process Know as "Tunneling," This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from
Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe,
Including Your Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible
for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.
READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to Certain Suggested Versions of
the Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting this Product
May
Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.
THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise
Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.
PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner
Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although
No
Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will
Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.
NOTE: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a
"Gluing" Force About Which Little is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive
Power
Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.
ATTENTION: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the
Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of
99.9999999999% Empty Space.
NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER: The Manufacturer May Technically Be
Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-Dimensional. However, the
Consumer
Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those
Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New Dimensions Are
"Rolled Up" into Such a Small "Area" That They Cannot Be Detected.
PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is
Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist
Only
in a Vague and Undetermined State.
COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons,
etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable
Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers, and No Claim
to the Contrary May Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.
HEALTH WARNING: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its
Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the
User.
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The Entire Physical Universe, Including
This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small
Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence of
This Product in That Universe Cannot Be Guaranteed.
Yes, they may be bags which contained lists of bug. It's very funny anyway.
Sometimes, employees at Microsoft, who are reading lists of bugs, need a drink.
Good One...
-->The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball." "Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?"
-->"Have you heard about the object-oriented way to become wealthy?"
"No..."
"Inheritance."
-->In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them.
-->C gives you enough rope to hang yourself. C++ also gives you the tree object to tie it to.
-->Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines were at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.
nice oneQuote:
Originally Posted by sunnypalsingh
This one is nice. I have heaqrd about Genetic Algorithms first time.Quote:
Originally Posted by How to Shoot Yourself In the Foot
Great! It's just like that.Quote:
Java
You locate the Gun class, but discover that the Bullet class is abstract, so you extend it and write the missing part of the implementation. Then you implement the ShootAble interface for your foot, and recompile the Foot class. The interface lets the bullet call the doDamage method on the Foot, so the Foot can damage itself in the most effective way. Now you run the program, and call the doShoot method on the instance of the Gun class. First the Gun creates an instance of Bullet, which calls the doFire method on the Gun. The Gun calls the hit(Bullet) method on the Foot, and the instance of Bullet is passed to the Foot. But this causes an IllegalHitByBullet exception to be thrown, and you die.
The Top Six Reasons Why Computers Are Female
6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.
5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:
1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.
L M A O! ! :D
Dangereous Stunt (for whom? :p )
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
No joke here: this is the 1000 reply to this thread.