AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

Apologies to those from the mentioned nations if this offends.


>>France Elevates its Security Level
>>
>>As many are aware, the French government recently announced a raise in

>>its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The normal level is
>>"General Arrogance", and the only two higher levels in France are
>>"Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent
>>fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
>>paralysing the country's military capability.
>>
>>It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert:
>>Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly"
>>to "Elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain,
>>"Ineffective combat operations" and "Change sides".
>>
>>The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdain" to "Dress
>>in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher
>>levels: "Invade a neighbour" and "Lose".
>>
>>Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone
>>from "Isolationism" to "Find another oil-rich nation for regime
>>change". Their remaining higher alert states are "Attack random
>>countries (ideally those without any credible military)"
>>and "Beg the British for help".
>>
>>The British are also feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings
>>and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon
>>though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even

>>"A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz
>>in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
>>re-categorized from "Tiresome"
>>to "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody
>>Nuisance" warning level was during the Great Fire of 1666.

Hey guys! Check this website out. Its not really a joke, but its about a ship named FLIP and it flips! :D

http://sio.ucsd.edu/voyager/flip/flip2.html

Deniz, that is so... British. That must have been written by a British. ;)

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on
display.

While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the
shopkeeper,

"I'll have a C monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and
took out a monkey.He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, that'll
be $5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said,

"That was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered,"Ah, that monkey can program in C very fast, tight code, no bugs, well
worth the money."

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even
more expensive! $10,000!

What does it do?"

"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey;

it can manage object- oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java.

All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey
in a cage of its own.

The price tag around its neck read $50,000.

He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the other
put together! What on earth does it do?" T he shopkeeper replied,
"Well, I haven't actually seen it doing anything, but the other
monkeys call him the project manager."

that was really funnyy:D:thumb:

A guy was driving from Mumbai to Pune and decided not to take the new

expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when

he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from

nowhere.

Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get

a lift to the nearest town. It's dark and raining. And pretty soon he's

wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the rain is so

heavy he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to

him - without thinking the guy opens the door and jumps in.

Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him

- when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!

Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine,

the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a

curve coming.

Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life.

He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand

appears through the window and moves the wheel!

The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next bend.

The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time

they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get

the car around each bend.

Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches open

the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as hard

as he can towards the lights. It's a small town.

He stumbles into a dhaba, and asks for a drink, and breaks down. Then he

starts talking about the horrible experience he's just been through.

There is dead silence in the dhaba when he stops talking ..... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

...and that's when Santa and Banta Singh walk into the dhaba. Santa points

and says "Look Banta - that's the weird guy who got into our car when we

were pushing it."

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog.
Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single file.
The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral ike this with so many of you walking in single file. Whose funeral is it?"
The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife." What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?"
The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.
Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied "Join the queue."

Good One Ejaz :thumb:

Here's Another One

Ten Commandments for Stress Free Programming

1. Thou shalt not worry about bugs.
Bugs in your software are actually special features.

2. Thou shalt not fix abort conditions.
Your user has a better chance of winning state lottery than getting the same abort again.

3. Thou shalt not handle errors.
Error handing was meant for error prone people, neither you or your users are error prone.

4. Thou shalt not restrict users.
Don't do any editing, let the user input anything, anywhere, anytime. That is being very user friendly.

5. Thou shalt not optimize.
Your users are very thankful to get the information, they don't worry about speed and efficiency.

6.Thou shalt not provide help.
If your users can not figure out themselves how to use your software than they are too dumb to deserve the benefits of your software anyway.

7. Thou shalt not document.
Documentation only comes in handy for making future modifications. You made the software perfect the first time, it will never need modifications.

8. Thou shalt not hurry.
Only the cute and the mighty should get the program by deadline.

9. Thou shalt not revise.
Your interpretation of specs was right, you know the users' requirements better than them.

10. Thou shalt not share.
If other programmers needed some of your code, they should have written it themselves.

I couldn't sit and read all 1000+ posts so i hope this isn't in here...

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Things to do at boring party's
Speak in a strange foreign accent. when someone asks where you are from, name a country only you can pronounce.

Use a different accent every time you talk to someone new.

When getting food, pile everything onto your plate in heaping servings - make sure to use your hands!

Turn cartwheels across the floor. If you can turn a back flip, all the better!

Bring a novel and curl up in a corner with it.

Cough all over guests, then exclaim, "Doctor says a few more years and I'll be cured..."

Hang your head and whisper one-word answers to questions.

Play a lullaby on a kazoo during a speech (singing a lullaby works okay, too)

If there is music, mix up your dancing: break dance to classical, symphony conductor hand waves to techno music.

If you find your former dancing partner dancing with someone else, burst into tears, wailing "I thought you loved me!", and run from the room.

Tell a middle-aged wife, "Your husband seems very happy with that girl in the closet..."

Tell a middle aged man, "Your wife seems very happy with that boy in the closet..."

Whisper to the guest on your right, "What kind of lame moron actually goes to these parties, anyway?"

Bring Lego warships and fighter jets. Wage a war in the middle of the room. Urge other guests to get involved. If you are a historical expert, reenact the revolutionary war, the civil war, world war two, etc.

Bring a soccer ball, basketball, football, or baseball. Start a game... in the kitchen.

Karate chop everywhere and everything. Yell really, really loud. A few sudden kicks would be worthwhile as well.

Wear wool or feathers and sneeze all night. "The doctor says I'm not allergic to anything except sheep and birds..."

If someone says the word no to you, say, "How dare you turn down the prince / princess of Ugranialo!"

Burst into the room an hour late, sopping wet and screaming, "I've done it! I've found Atlantis!"

Pick out the oldest women at the party, run up to her, and exclaim, "Grandmother! it's me, Anastasia!"

If it is a summer party in the evening, break into a duet with another guest: "Summer nights". Persuade the host to sing "You're the one that I want" with you.

Come in saying, the guy outside in the lab coat is looking for (insert name of host)

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Enjoy..... :D

an email i received, i hope u enjoy it :D

20 ways to maintain your insanity:
>>>
>>>1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on
>>>and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
>>>
>>>2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise
>>>your voice.
>>>
>>>3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if
>>>they want fries with that.
>>>
>>>4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in".
>>>
>>>5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once
>>>everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions,
>>>switch to espresso.
>>>
>>>6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for
>>>sexual favors".
>>>
>>>7. Finish all your sentences with; "in accordance with
>>>the prophecy.."
>>>
>>>8. Don't use any punctuation.
>>>
>>>9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
>>>
>>>10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically
>>>after they answer.
>>>
>>>11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
>>>
>>>12. Sing along at the opera.
>>>
>>>13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems
>>>don't rhyme.
>>>
>>>14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and
>>>play tropical sounds all day.
>>>
>>>15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't
>>>attend their party because you're not in the mood.
>>>
>>>16. Have your
>>>co-workers address you by your wrestling
>>>name, rock-hard.
>>>
>>>17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I
>>>won!"
>>>
>>>18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the
>>>parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
>>>
>>>19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the
>>>economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

:wave:

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End of the series...Hope you enjoyed :wave:

A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."
The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be peace among the people in the middle east."
The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."
The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"
Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."

Nice pics Mat :thumb:

And good one Sunny :thumb:

Lou COSTELLO calls to buy a PC from Bud ABBOTT . . . .

ABBOTT: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking
of buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name is Bud.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Bud.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?
COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommended something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.
ABBOTT: Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words.
But what program do I load?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight
answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to
watch a movie over the Internet?
ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your
business. But what do I need to watch it?
ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and
four. Can I watch reel four?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie.
What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue 1.
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It
pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?
ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to
help me track my money?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge?
How much money do I get?
ABBOTT: Just one copy.
COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?
ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.
COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?
ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.
COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still
need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?
ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: You sell money?
ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.
COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you
have any software for, you know, accounting?
ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.
COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.
ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?
ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.
COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?
ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business.
You know--accounting? You do it with money.
ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.
COSTELLO: More money?
ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.
COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the
moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?
ABBOTT: GoBack.
COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something
to restore my data. What do you recommend?
ABBOTT: GoBack.
COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?
ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.
COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go
back. What do I need to write a proposal?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.
ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.
ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well.

(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store, can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START".

Quote:

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Originally Posted by cilu

Lou COSTELLO calls to buy a PC from Bud ABBOTT . . . .

ABBOTT: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking
of buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name is Bud.

---

Have you seen many A and C movies Cilu?

Just curious I'm a big time A and C fan. I have all but 2 of there movies on DVD. (24 movies on 4 DVD's) I just think it would be strange to see these movies in Romania.

has anything sexy been observed in MSDN? :D

At a computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating :

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per cent of the roads.
5. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
6. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
7. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
8. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tom Frohman

Have you seen many A and C movies Cilu?

Just curious I'm a big time A and C fan. I have all but 2 of there movies on DVD. (24 movies on 4 DVD's) I just think it would be strange to see these movies in Romania.

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Actually, I haven't see any movie of these guys. I've seen just some scenes. But I read that piece of dialog the other days and I thought I should share them with you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mehdi

has anything sexy been observed in MSDN?

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I fail to see anything sexy there.

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

This is from a very interesting mail I got, and reportedly true. The name of the state is hidden to protect the identity. IAS, if you don't know, is one of the top post in adminstative sector of the Indian goverment, and it is very hard to get through it(requires a very vast general knowledge especially of India).

You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this. This is a true essay written by a *** candidate at the UPSC(IAS)Examinations. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow: Indian Cow

HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man.
But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk.
Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such attachment]

What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally... His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, Also his other motion.. gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes[like Pizza] , in hand and drying in the sun.
Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts .. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.......


We are informed that the candidate passed the exam, and is now an IAS, is *** in somewhere..[sorry somewhere in ***]

Regards
Afsar Shariff

Its No Joke...But I Wanted You People To See This Image

mrRee's friend: are you busy right now?
mrRee: no!...I'm at work....

How to get signature in the report card..A Must Read :-)


Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood ! for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter! ,
Rosie.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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--


At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home. I love you!

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Originally Posted by sunnypalsingh

]Its No Joke...But I Wanted You People To See This Image

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Well, that type of images tests your stress level. The more movements you see, more you are under pressure and stressed.

A man entered his favorite restaurant and sat at his regular table. After looking around, he noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone. He motioned the waiter over and asked him to send their most expensive bottle of Merlot over to the woman, knowing that if she accepted the bottle, she would be his.

The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.

She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.

It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back!!

This is not meant to be taken serious:
http://thc.org/root/phun/unmaintain.html

Quote:

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Originally Posted by senproin

How to get signature in the report card..A Must Read :-)


Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood ! for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter! ,
Rosie.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--


At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home. I love you!

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Good one... :D :thumb:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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:D

Programmer & Engineer
A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep. The Programmer persists and explains that it's a real easy game. He explains, "I ask a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5." Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.

The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "O.K., if you don't know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer I pay you $50!" Now, that got the Engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Then Engineer doesn't say a word and just hands the Programmer $5.

Now, its the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 turns away and tries to return to sleep.

The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, "Well what's the answer to the question?" Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to sleep

thank god I'm not a programmer anymore.. I'm a Software Engineer now..:D

I just got this..

its taken from a Malay Classic "Commedy" film, 3 of the guys are the main actor, any malaysian should know, I think Antarctican also knows.. but the other one standing in front, every Earthling should recognize.. :D:D

There is a factory in America which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm.

A new employee is hired at the factory and starts at 0800.

The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.

The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up,putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel manager decides he should see this for himself so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line
stands the new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.

After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday"......

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles".

:lol: :lol: Nice one Matt

Q: How many forum members it takes to change a lightbulb?

A:

• 1 to change the lightbulb
• 1 to post an announcement that the lightbulb was changed
• 14 to share similar experiences and talk about other ways for changing the lightbulb
• 7 to warn about the dangers that may appear while changing the lightbulb
• 27 to correct the spelling mistakes from the previous posts about changing the lightbulb
• 53 to make fun on those that corrected the spelling mistakes
• 2 professionals to indicate that the correct term is "lamp"
• 15 that claim that they have also worked in the field and "lightbulb" is also a correct term
• 109 that claim that the forum is not about lightbulbs and the discussion should be moved to another forum
• 111 that claims that as long as people use lightbulbs the discussion is useful
• 306 to discuss what are the best methods of changing a lightbulb, what are the best lightbulbs and where they can be purchased from
• 27 that post links for sites where you can see models of lightbulbs
• 14 to claim the links are not good and provide other
• 33 to quote what was already told and say" me too"
• 6 to ask people to use the search feature of the forum
• 12 to claim they will no longer use the forum due to the divergences on the lightbulbs topic
• 143 to say "first search on google and only after that post it here"
• 16 off-topic posts between several members
• 24 posts where other members ask them to use PMs or emails
• 1 moderator to warn about staying on-topic or else the thread will be closed
• 1 new member on the forum that resurects the discussion after 6 months, and everything starts all over again

BTW, looks familiar? ;)

:lol: That was the most realistic joke in this thread :thumb:
Exactly what happens in a forum (esp. GD Chit-chat)

...

• 1 to writing an FAQ on it, seeing the question repeating.
• 3 to write articles on different ways to change lightbulbs and
• 1 to ban the person spaming about changing lightbulbs :D

:):)

:)

:):):)

Squares A and B are the same shade of grey. You may check it in any editor, it's RGB(120,120,120).

!Wikid!

New syntax for operator overloading.... :D

Question:Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my PC?
Answer: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask:

The Catholic Church's approach to characters: The nice characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their sins. Naughty characters are those involved in the creation of naughty words."

The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a different, higher character. Those funny characters above the numbers on your keyboard will become numbers, numbers will become letters, and lower-case letters will become upper-case.

The Mac user's explanation: All the characters written on a PC and then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you're using a PC, you can probably see the deleted characters, because you're in PC hell also.

IBM's explanation: The characters are not real. They exist only on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a life.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sunnypalsingh

The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a different, higher character. Those funny characters above the numbers on your keyboard will become numbers, numbers will become letters, and lower-case letters will become upper-case.

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Shouldn't that say "The Hindu explanation"?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Deniz

Shouldn't that say "The Hindu explanation"?

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Errr, I think you want the literature department, down the hall on the right.

...and then the duck says "I won it in a raffle."....