this kangroo likes to be a joke teller :lol:
http://www.rickswoodshopcreations.co...s/Kangaroo.jpg
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this kangroo likes to be a joke teller :lol:
http://www.rickswoodshopcreations.co...s/Kangaroo.jpg
Types of viruses ...
Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.
Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.
Titanic virus: Makes your whole computer go down.
Disney virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
HBO virus: Runs the same programs over and over, week after week after week.
Bill Clinton virus: Won't let you query the system for information.
Ken Starr virus: Expands a focused search of a specific file into a global interrogation of every existing file. Creates links between unrelated data. Works extremely slow while searching and compiling results.
Al Gore virus: Runs quietly in background mode but doesn't appear to really do much of anything.
Saddam Hussein virus: Won't let you into any of your programs.
Tonya Harding virus: Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.
George Michael virus: Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup.
X-files virus: All your Icons start shape shifting.
Spice Girl virus: Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.
AT&T virus: Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
Nice :thumb:
I would say, it makes 1 byte, goes on...then fails to make another byte, it quits.Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnypalsingh
Got the catch?
Ramu : Hey.. my submarine is not sinking into the water!! what could be wrong?
Somu : may be u have used float instead of double in the software.
Somu : Hey Bull, Can you do me a favor? Can you pass on this 500 rupees to Suthi..?
Bull : Sure.. why not? But tell me one thing. Tell me whether its pass by value or pass by reference..
Ramu: i am very very sure that the guy who just talked to me is a software engineer...
Somu: how do u say that?
ramu: he asked my physical address instead of my home address!
Ramu: shhhh...I think the SW Engg who is sitting in the next cabin must be a farmer before ...
Somu: How do u know...?
Ramu: he asked me today that is there a way to cultivate the bit fields..!!
Ramu: Hey.. I think that SW Engg is very very naive..
Somu: How do u say that?
Ramu: He believes that there is an Arabian Sea++ next to Arabian Sea.
Ramu: Hey.... what's time now?
Somu: System time or local time...??
Ramu: Hey.. I have a problem. My system is not booting up!
Somu: may be, its internal buses are on strike, check out!
Ramu : (while browsing the TV) what is this? I have heard of Star Sports, Star Movies and Star Plus. What's this Star Equals??? Is it a new Star channel?
Somu : No. = operator has been overloaded in Star Channel.
Very good Sunnypalsingh!!!
Here is something else.
Question #1:
How do you get a cup of hot water?
Anwser of a C programmer:
- Pour water in a pan
- Put the pan on the fire
- When water is boiling, pour the water in the cup
Answer of a C++ programmer
- Pour water in a pan
- Put the pan on the fire
- When water is boiling, pour the water in the cup
Question #2:
How do you get a glass of water?
Anwser of a C programmer:
- Pour water in a glass
Answer of a C++ programmer
- Get a cup of hot water by reusing the way formerly described
- Wait till the water is cold
- Pour the water from the cup to the glass.
Quote:
Originally Posted by olivthill
- Fortunately, still there are C++ programmers who still know C.
- Unfortunately, there are more and more C++ programmers who don't know yet what to reuse and what not.
;)
The Air Force found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.
They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body.
The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a non officer grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "from the tip of my weenie to my testicles."
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received.
But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"
The old Chief calmly replied . "Iraq".
The story of our lives....
You will love it ..read through every bit pls ....
One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St.Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough,we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course.In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute)and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.
Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St.Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.
So she spent the next 24hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
" Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee. ."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
The boys agreed. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood does not run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet aren't empty."
A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said,
"For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."!
"Oooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband," said the wife. The fairy moved her magic stick and abracadabra! Two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.
Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said:
"Well this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime. So, I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed. But a wish is a wish.
So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick and abracadabra!
The husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story:
Men might be ungrateful idiots, but fairies are...
FEMALE!
A man was walking along a California beach deep in prayer. Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head, and in booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over any time I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific? The concrete and steel it would take? What about the impact on the environment? I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things... Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel: what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing' and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord thought for a moment...
And the Lord replied, " Do you want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"
/PS: "Datuk" is the awards/title given to rich\famous\noble people here.. just like "Sir" for people in UK..Quote:
A little boy goes to his dad, a Datuk and asks, "What is Politics?"
The Datuk Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her The Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you The People.
The Maid, we will consider her The Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him The Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what is Datuk Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the Maid's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the Maid.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his Datuk father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now,"
The Datuk father says, "Great son! Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies:
"The Prime Minister is screwing The Working Class while The Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and The Future is in deep S**T."
nice jokes- maxpayne and deniz
couples...:D
Quote:
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What
setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
Quote:
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you
the happiest woman in the world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you....."
Quote:
It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out
of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if
I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
Quote:
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord, I pray for
Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
cool salemen...:p
Quote:
A young Indian guy moves to Montreal and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home". Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice.
If a customer comes looking, say, for toothpaste, you might suggest for him a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. you get the idea?"
"Of course," the young man said.
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down. "How many sales did you make today?
The kid says, "One"
The manager groans, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says, "$101,237.64."
The manager exclaims, "What? $101,237.64? What did you sell him?"
The kid, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Pajero."
The manager says "You mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?!"
The kid, "No, no, no, he came in here to buy a box of Kotex for his wife and I said, "Well, since your weekend's already screwed up, you might as well go fishing."
Big Jake..:p
Quote:
Joe had just made his way to the crowded bar when there was a frenzied commotion outside. A man shouted, "Run for your lives! Big Jake's coming!"
As everyone scattered, an enormous man burst through the doors, hurled tables and chairs aside and strode up to the bar. "Give me a drink!" he ordered.
Left alone at the bar, Joe quickly handed over a bottle of whisky.
The huge man downed it in one gulp, then ate the bottle.
Paralysed with fear, Joe stammered, "Can I get you another drink?"
"No, I've got to go," said the giant. "Didn't you hear? Big Jake's coming!"
Watch this, call Transformers for help..:D..:
http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/893/rfkajl8yq.jpg
http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/6297/sukajq2cr.jpg
http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/8907/eckajk6gu.jpg
http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/8464/tukajh5wi.jpg
http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/8291/gikads4cd.jpg
http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/8571/rgkadj7jk.jpg
http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/3477/wikadd1pw.jpg
http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/8638/hckadg6xl.jpg
http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/6578/sukadr8zn.jpg
http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/3767/pikadg1cd.jpg
:D:D...now, we have this phrase "how many trucks does it take to pull a car out of water"...
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God She asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way Home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
(You'll love this!!!)
God replied,
"I didn't recognize you."
Nice jokes, everyone. :D :D :D :thumb:
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
How do you know that you are a 'High-Tech' Worker?
It's dark when you drive to and from work.
You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.
You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
You learn about your layoff on CNN.
Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.
Your supervisor hasn't the ability to do your job assignment.
You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined.
Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital.
All real work gets started after 5pm or on weekends.
10% of the people you work with (boss included) -- knows what they do.
Vacation is something you rollover to next year.
Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers" or "does something with satellites"
You read this entire list and understood it
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnypalsingh
Much likely a flash drive ;)
Stress reliever #1
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem
Can there be greater than this one?
Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
Stress Reliever #3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
Stress Reliever # 4
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if
my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,
"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
Stress Reliever # 5
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
Stress Reliever # 6
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
Stress Reliever # 7
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your succ ess as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
Stress Reliever # 8
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
Stress Reliever # 9
A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?
He looked at her from head to toe and
replied: I like your sense of humor.
Stress Reliever # 10
Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
Stress Reliever # 11
What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threat) Analysis.
He said, my strength is my wife.
My weakness is my neighbor's wife.
Opportunity comes when neighbor goes out.
Threat comes when I myself go out
Stress Reliever # 12
Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"
Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage
If you haven't tried this already:Quote:
Originally Posted by Deniz
In Google, type in "french military victories" and hit the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. On the upcoming page, hit "french military defeats" and get a humorous history lesson.
Type "american military victories" and press "I'm feeling lucky". You'll be directed to a page about "French Military Victories". :D
Type failure in Google.
You will get Biography of President George W. Bush
:D :D :DQuote:
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to blast them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes ! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out,and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
Admit it, you're laughing, aren't you
Layoff Background
Once upon a time, the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Parliament said, "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Parliament said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Parliament said," How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Parliament said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.
Then Parliament said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then Parliament said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."
So they laid off the night watchman.
this is not that funny, but its something to think about..;)
Quote:
A young Buddhist initiate asked his mentor to describe hell. "Ah, hell," the monk said, "it is like a large banquet hall with countless rows of tables laden with sumptuous meals and delicious drinks." "But Teacher," the surprised initiate said, "I thought those in hell would suffer." "Oh, they do." answered the monk. "You see, there are four-foot long chopsticks permanently attached to their hands. Although they can pick up the food, the length of the chopsticks makes it impossible to reach their mouths."
"That's horrible. Teacher, tell me about heaven." the initiate pleaded. "Ah, heaven," the monk sighed, "it is like a large banquet hall with countless rows of tables laden with sumptuous meals and delicious drinks, and permanently attached to everyone's hands are four-foot long chopsticks." "But Teacher, isn't that the same as hell?" the initiate stuttered. "No," the monk replied, "the people are different. Although they cannot feed themselves, they feed each other!"
See This :)
Confidence
Some meaningful definitions....
Father :- A banker provided by nature.
Boss :- Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Smile :- A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Rumour :- News that travels at the speed of sound.
Dictionary:- The only place where divorce comes before marriage.
College :- A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.
Office :- A place where you can relax after your strenuous homelife.
Yawn :- The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Marriage :- It is an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master's.
Etc. :- A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee :- Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Classic :- A book which people praise, but do not read.
Worry :- Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
Experience:- The name men give to their mistakes.
Tears :- The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.
Atom Bomb :- An invention to end all inventions.
CORPORATE LESSON # 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few
seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the
doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and
runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door
neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 just to drop
that towel that you have on". After thinking for a
moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800
and quietly leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps
back up in the towel and goes upstairs. When she gets back
to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he
owes me?"
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Share critical credit information with your stakeholders to prevent
avoidable exposure!
_______________________________________________________
CORPORATE LESSON # 2
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a
French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the
bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him
out of thebottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming
pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool
and jump, you shout What you want the pool of water to become, then
your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and
shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a
pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from
the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA"
and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so
contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when
suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards
the pool and shouted, "****!!!!!!!........."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Mind your language, you never Know what it will land you in.
Strange:confused: I tried it and the biography was indeed hit number one.:confused:Quote:
Originally Posted by senproin
Nice ones Sunnypalsingh, Senproin, Max. :thumb: :)
How much is 5 + 5 ?
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ARE U LOOKING FOR ANSWER?
Shame on you
who recruited u ????????????????????
:)
Nice one. :thumb: :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Deniz
Hot-dog anyone?
http://www.cilu.as.ro/images/funny/misc/WeinerDog.jpg
:eek: I just lost my appetite. :sick:
:D
An Australian guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and Jill (the Australian Barmaid) takes his order, a Fosters, and notices his accent. Over the course of the night they get to know each other. At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she wants to come
back to his place and have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for sex. Jill is travelling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again, orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. Jill remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree. This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in, orders Fosters and sits in the corner. Jill thinks that if she pays him more some attention then maybe she can then shake some more cash out of him again, so she goes over and sits next to him.
She asks him where he's from in Australia and he tells her: "Melbourne ".
"So am I... What suburb in Melbourne?"
"Glen Iris" he replies
"That's amazing..." she says, "So am I - what Street?"
"Cameo Street " he replies
"This is unbelievable..." she says,"What number?"
He says "Number 20" and she is totally astonished.
"You are not going to believe this but I'm from Number 22! My parents still live there!"
"I know..." he says, "Your Father gave me $1,000 to give to you"
PackUp Time
Deniz, you know that picture is taken in Romania? How did you get it?
How can you tell this? I saw this picture today with Polish text, and I was pretty sure that it was taken in Poland :DQuote:
Originally Posted by cilu
I see this every day on Romanian construction sites, that's why I'm so sure... ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobson
Do you want the afterwards picture too? ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarevok
I was sent it from an old friend in Turkey. It was claimed to be taken in Turkey. Which one is it??? :confused:Quote:
Originally Posted by cilu
(PS: I obviously editted it to make it into English. here is the original I had)