And this is the one I've received by email:
http://www.cilu.as.ro/images/funny/misc/teamwork.jpg
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And this is the one I've received by email:
http://www.cilu.as.ro/images/funny/misc/teamwork.jpg
A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!
//Those pics are perfect examples of internationalization :D :p :lol:
or piracy... we could not know who/where it was started in the first place....:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarevok
At least it's clear that the pictures Deniz posted were created from the one that I posted. :p
Hat Story
There was once a hat-seller who passed by a forest on his way back from the market. The weather was very hot and so he decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke up by some sounds. The next thing he realised was that all his hats were gone. He heard some monkeys on the tree and so he looked up. To his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats. The hat-seller sits down and think of how he can get the hats down. He think and think and start scratching his head. The next moment, he realised that the monkeys were doing the same action. Next, he took down his own hat and an himself and the monkeys do exactly the same. An idea came to him, he took his at and throw it on the floor and the monkeys do that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.
If you think you have read this before.......................... read on!!!
Fifty years later, his grandson, Jack, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest, it was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor. He woke up and realised that all his hats were gone. He looked up and realised that the monkeys had taken all the hats. He remembered his grand father's words, started scratching his head and the monkeys follows. He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, Jack threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still hold on to all the hats. Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and said, "You think only you have a grandfather?
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money is the root of all problems...you are assuming it to be a square rootQuote:
Originally Posted by Ejaz
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:D :D :D Nice pics/jokes guys! :thumb:
I'm not sure if I already posted this:
That's for Smart Women who needs a laugh and Smart Guys who can handle it. ;)Quote:
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a
lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but
married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but
he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
change, and she does.
// @Ejaz: I notice you always post jokes pertaining to women... hmmmm. What does that say?? :D :D :D :p
Well, actually I don't create them myself, and usually I get them in some mails, and lately, don't know how, most of the mails I received were what you saw above ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by cherish
hmmm, anything particular you wanna hear? :pQuote:
Originally Posted by cherish
Yeah, that's the thing, why are you getting those kinds of mails lately?? :p :lol:
Hehe. :D I'm just saying what I've observed. And i'm just being funny. (But maybe its not funny?? :confused: ) Its up to you if you want to explain/comment/elaborate. ;)
Don't know myself, may be a Christmass gift for me... :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by cherish
A typical female thingy (too much observation) :pQuote:
Originally Posted by cherish
Chill out babe, I do find it funny :thumb: ;) Just haven't have the morning tea so far and still feeling little sleepy :(Quote:
Originally Posted by cherish
Maybe they're just giving you a *hint*?? :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Ejaz
Ay yay-yay, yay-yay. Why do you always like to blame it on my gender? :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ejaz
I am chilling out, what makes you think otherwise? :p Oh, yeah.. better get yourself a tea or something to wake you up, Mr-Ejaz-who-likes-girls-in-devil-red-lipsticks-and-other-things-in-red. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Ejaz
// Okay. I better stop now. I'll post another joke some other time. :wave:
It's been a while since I had a math course but I seem to recall that "root" by itself in a word problem always referred to the sqaure root. Any other root power would be referred to specifically (third or cube, fourth, fifth, etc.). So by the wording a would sya the assumption of a square root is accurate and logical.Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnypalsingh
Okay enough of my being literal here's a few things we can all learn from movies.These may have been posted before but it's too long of a thread to try to verify. My apologies if I am repeating someone's post.Quote:
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
There will always be a doctor in a plane or building with the right medical supplies.
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.
"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"
There's 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde. Their all at the NASA space center. The redhead says to the flight technician "I want to go to the moon". The flight technician says she can go tomorrow. The brunette says "I want to go to Mars". He says she can go next week. The blonde says "I want to go to the sun". The flight technician says, "Don't you know you'll burn up?" The blonde says "Well then I'll go at night."
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Two blondes walking down the street. One reaches into her pocketbook for a make up compact and looks into the mirror. "This picture looks like someone I know" she says. The other one has a look and says, "Of course dummy, it's ME...."
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A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree. "I've kidnapped you!", said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bag was sitting there. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
Take a look at the picture below. What do you see?
You saw a couple in an intimate pose, right?
Interestingly, research has shown that young children cannot identify the intimate couple because they do not have prior memory associated with such a scenario.
What they WILL see, however, is the nine dolphins in the picture!
So, I guess we've already proven you're not a young innocent child... now... If it's hard for you to find the dolphins within 6 seconds, your mind is indeed corrupted and you may need help .
Ok, here's help.... look at the space between her right arm and her head, the tail is on her neck, follow it up. look at her left hip, follow the shaded part down, it's another one, and on his shoulder..... see them now?
hey...you're text was not visible! (might send the wrong signals ;) )Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarevok
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "Okay old fart, time for you to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle all of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"
The young rooster says, "Beat it! You are washed up and I am taking over."
The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."
The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair I will give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs up his shotgun and boom, he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dangit, third gay rooster I bought this month."
I made it that way so that you'll look at the picture first ;) . It would spoil the fun if you read the text first.:D So did you see the dolphins?:p :DQuote:
Originally Posted by leojose
eh where? I didn't see any intimate pose there..??:confused::DQuote:
You saw a couple in an intimate pose, right?
I asked the same question myself.:p :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Max Payne
Well...actually the dolphins were in an intimate pose...but as you're not a dolphin its obvious you didn't notice... :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Max Payne
that mean showing that picture to an adult dolphin it would see dolphins in intimate pose, and show it to child dolphin, it would see human in what positions..?:p
:lol: :D My thoughts exactly.:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Max Payne
After driving up and down several times, Rick finally found a parking spot near the shopping center. He noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was closer, Rick gave him the "Are you going to park there?" look. His responding gestures were very complicated.
First he shook his head. Next he pointed at Rick, then at the parking space and
then at himself, his watch and the shops. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his
palms upwards and shrugged.
Finally, Rick parked his car and walked over to the driver to make sure he didn't want the space. "You must be single", the man replied. "If you were married, you would've known that was universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot. I'm waiting for my wife."
Baby email
From dad
A soldier asked his commanding officer for a day's leave to attend his sister's wedding. The officer left him waiting outside, then called him in and said, "You are a liar, soldier. I just phoned your sister, and she says she has already been married for more than a year."
"Well, Sir, you must be an even bigger liar," the soldier replied, "because I don't even have a sister!"
:):):)
Cop on Horseback ***
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the a$$ on the back of the horse, instead of on top."
Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep. Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see".
Robin replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asks Batman.
Robin ponders for a minute. Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you, Batman?"
Batman is silent for a moment, then speaks: "Robin, you stupid idiot, someone has stolen our tent."
Nice jokes guys. :thumb: http://forums.codeguru.com/
One fat guy - goes to a popular GYM, sees an ad guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on
the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They
lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and
ladders and tell him to wait a minute.
He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm yours."
He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up
speed.
Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch her, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5kg.
He's back on the street and starts to think.
"God, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time...
So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."
"No problem," says the manager.
Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door
when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign, "If I catch you, you're mine."...........................
Here is an illustration
You know, that one was originally created with Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Wattson. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Deniz
This is the best joke I've heard in a long, long time:
The japanese invented a robot able to detect thieves. In Japan in 5 minutes they caught 100 thieves with it. In USA in 5 minutes they caught 200 thieves. In Romania, in 5 minutes the robot was stolen.
:D :p :D
A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side.
He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you." The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and said with trepidation, "Well what did you name them?"
The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise." The husband, relieved, said, "That's a very pretty name! What did you come up with for my son?"
The brother replied, "Denephew."
Quote:
Originally Posted by cilu
That's even funnier but todays kids wouldn't know who they are :rolleyes:
who are they?...serial killers?....Quote:
Originally Posted by Deniz
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrRee
They are similar to pokemons but they have silly haircuts and wear stupid hats. :p