AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

Yes, that's much better GurleyGirl. ;)

I agree...except for two words

FACT

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mathew Joy

If u TREAT her nicely, she says u are IN LOVE with her;
If u Don't, she says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, she says u are trying to LURE her;
If u Don't, she says u don't dress properly.
If u ARGUE with her, she says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET,! she says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than her, she'll lose FACE;
If she's Smarter than u, she is GREAT.
If u don't Love her, she tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love her, she will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u tell her your PROBLEM, she says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u don't, she says that u don't TRUST her.
If u SCOLD her, u are like a CHACHA to her;
If she SCOLDS u, it is because she CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If she BREAKS hers, she is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD BOY;
If she SMOKES, she is a GENTLELADY.
If u do WELL in your exams, she says it's LUCK;
If she does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT her, u are CRUEL;
If she HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!
& sooo hard to please!!!!!

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FANTASY

Quote:

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Originally Posted by gurleygirl

If u TREAT her nicely, u are a keeper;
If u Don't, she says u are a jerk.
If u DRESS Nicely, she says u look nice;
If u Don't, she fixes it.
If u ARGUE with her, she says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, she says u are stubborn.
If u are SMARTER than her... :confused:
If she's Smarter than u, she is GREAT.
If u don't Love her, she tries to win u;
If u Love her, she will marry you.
If u tell her your PROBLEM, she'll make you cookies;
If u don't, she says that u don't TRUST her.
If u SCOLD her, u are a jerk;
If she SCOLDS u, it is because she CARES for u. (and it's fun :D)
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If she BREAKS hers, she is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD BOY;
If she SMOKES, she'll smell terrible all day and her teeth will stain and fall out.
If u do WELL in your exams, she says it's LUCK;
If she does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT her, u are a jerk;
If she HURTS u, she is a jerk

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:D :D

See the mother and the child?

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.



CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.



EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.



RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.



TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

Armenian radio:

- Mongolians were the first to live on earth.
...
- And then homosapiens.


- Mongolians will be the last to live on earth.
...
- all the others will have long left the earth.

Vovka was going to school and saw his teacher was "using" a female goat. During the lesson, the teacher asked:

- Vovka stand up! your grade is "bad"!

Vovka immitated the voice of a goat.

the teacher said:

- Vovka's gade is "excellent"!

The nteacher said:

Petka stand up! your grade is "bad"!

Petka immitated the voice, but the teacher said:

- You did not see! Your grade is still "bad"!

:confused:

The poor teacher did not have a girl friend/wife, so he was "using" the goat!!

Now got it? :D

Enjoy Lulu's story....

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the
police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and
Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the
prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly; Lulu's grandma came by
and saw her granddaughter. Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line
here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told
her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and
she was just lining up for some. "Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think
I'll get some for myself", and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the
prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow,
still going at it at your age? How do you do it?" Grandma replied, "Oh, it's
easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them
dry." The policeman fainted.....

LOL. Poor policeman... :D

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Not sure if you guys have heard/read this one before, but here goes:


A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day she calls home and a strange woman answers.


Wife: Who is this?


Maid: This is the maid.


Wife: We don't have a maid.


Maid: The man of the house hired me this morning.


Wife: Well, this is his wife. Is he there?


Maid: He's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I assumed was his wife.


The wife is fuming. She says to the maid... "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?


Maid: What will I have to do?


Wife: I want you to take my gun from the desk and shoot him and the woman he's with.


(The maid puts the phone down. The wife hears footsteps and the gunshots, then more footsteps.)


Maid: What do I do with the bodies?


Wife: Just drag them out and throw them in the swimming pool.


Maid: But there's no pool here.


(A long pause)


Wife: Is this 832-4821?

there is a gif animation for that joke.. but its a husband calling the maid...:D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Max Payne

there is a gif animation for that joke.. but its a husband calling the maid...:D

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Really?? Where is that gif file then?? :p Show it!

nahh I don't know where I put that pic.. maybe deleted already...:o haha

The gif file would have been interesting to see. Why do you have to mention it when you dont have it?!?! :mad:

Hehe. Just kidding. That's alright. ;)

***

How about this gif file?

Movie Title: Martial Arts vs. Modern Arts
Rated V for Violence. :D

I found this gif though... :p