That's what I call theft !!Quote:
Originally posted by Ness
You know, your avatar looks exactly like a friend of mine.
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That's what I call theft !!Quote:
Originally posted by Ness
You know, your avatar looks exactly like a friend of mine.
Is your friend high all the time???Quote:
Originally posted by Ness
You know, your avatar looks exactly like a friend of mine.
You know ats, Yves can get you banned for spamming ;)
:D
wait, how the fudge did I get 2 posts at the same time :confused: that doesn't make any sense, i saw someone have up to 3!!!! Could there be a bug in th code of CodeGuru??? That's one of the misteries of life I guess.
I saw a turtle!!!Quote:
Originally posted by ats007spdou
wait, how the fudge did I get 2 posts at the same time :confused: that doesn't make any sense, i saw someone have up to 3!!!! Could there be a bug in th code of CodeGuru??? That's one of the misteries of life I guess.
That's it??Quote:
Originally posted by Mick
I saw a turtle!!!
well if you insist...
http://home.comcast.net/~farkemail/2...8_125328_1.jpg
I saw a turtle!
/Farker...
Mick - are you anything to do with Maryland University? Their slogan seems to be Fear The Turtle, too.
<--U of Maryland Graduate.
No, but I spent many a vomit filled night at college park...Quote:
Originally posted by John E
Mick - are you anything to do with Maryland University? Their slogan seems to be Fear The Turtle, too.
Go Terps!!!
or was that a holiday inn???Quote:
Originally posted by Mick
No, but I spent many a vomit filled night at college park...
/Come back here...bunny wabbit (err brain cells)
That's a bit more information than I needed, Mick! :sick:Quote:
Originally posted by Mick
No, but I spent many a vomit filled night at college park...
It's funny how every time we start a thread in the chit-chat section, over time the conversation becomes diluted and the topic sverves off in a seamingly random path. Who knows, maybe this joke thread will evolve into a discussion on the meaning of life and the every day impact that christianity has on us. Which would force me to quit being a member of this fine programming forum and abandon programming altogether, as well as jumping off a building to my own doom.
This is where we say 'not a loss' and cheer you on?Quote:
Originally posted by ats007spdou
It's funny how every time we start a thread in the chit-chat section, over time the conversation becomes diluted and the topic sverves off in a seamingly random path. Who knows, maybe this joke thread will evolve into a discussion on the meaning of life and the every day impact that christianity has on us. Which would force me to quit being a member of this fine programming forum and abandon programming altogether, as well as jumping off a building to my own doom.
Giving me a mighty push off of a building will do just fine.Quote:
Originally posted by Mick
This is where we say 'not a loss' and cheer you on?
hmm we use to do that off a two story balcony...little sissys...they were...yes yes...Quote:
Originally posted by ats007spdou
Giving me a mighty push off of a building will do just fine.
/did I mention college park already?
Question for you Mick, did you guys set couches on fire? If no, then you should come over to UConn on SpringWeekend, just leave your bike atleast 50 miles away from the campus, othewise you might find it the next day either gone or inside one of 2 ponds that are there. Oh and look out for the cops :D :D :D .
well not really, but hey, we did have a crack smoker who could have made the millions ;) And boomer, and and....Quote:
Originally posted by ats007spdou
Question for you Mick, did you guys set couches on fire? If no, then you should come over to UConn on SpringWeekend, just leave your bike atleast 50 miles away from the campus, othewise you might find it the next day either gone or inside one of 2 ponds that are there. Oh and look out for the cops :D :D :D .
right now we are trying to figure out if F duke can be banned...or if that violates the first ammendment...
/In my view..you know if I take my daughter to the game, don't want to hear that, I'll just mutter F duke...
//Daddy didn't you mean to say UCK duke?
///Uhh yea...but just don't tell yer muther...k...
Yeh, you need to roast some couches Mick..... it's the most popular American College past time. Then 10 to 20 years down the road, you'll have tons of stories to swap with your buddies, like when the cops found you and how fun it was filling out the arrest papers and stuff. OH BOY!!!
Only been arrested twice...didn't have to fill out a thing...:DQuote:
Originally posted by ats007spdou
Yeh, you need to roast some couches Mick..... it's the most popular American College past time. Then 10 to 20 years down the road, you'll have tons of stories to swap with your buddies, like when the cops found you and how fun it was filling out the arrest papers and stuff. OH BOY!!!
I have yet to get arrested, I just find it funny seeing some tools doing crazy stuff(just as long as my stuff is OK) and then get caught, next day, they're all about the "A mistake was made....", "What I did was stupid and selfish....", "I am disgusted by my previous behavior...." and so on. But by then they're probably looking at a case of losing their housing(definitely), suspension(highly likely) or expulsion(that's a 50/50). Whereas I just sit tight and browse through the <word for a section of a newspaper where arrests of different people are listed, which I forgot because I have been too long in Regensburg>.
Again dead :confused:
Arrrggghhh...Trying again to raise :mad: (the dead of-course):mad:Quote:
Good Boss
When I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough. When I don't do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesn't do it, he is too busy. When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that is initiative. When I please my boss, I am as*-kissing. When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating. I do good, my boss never remembers. When I do wrong, he never forgets
Only me:confused:Quote:
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?""No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"¡¡
Quote:
I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer?"
"Oh no," I replied, "I've never done either."
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and bar-b-qued ribs?"
I said, "No, I've heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?" he asked.
"No I don't," I said.
He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or act sexually promiscuous?"
"No," I said, "I've never done any of those things."
He look at me and said, "Then why in the world do you want to live to be 80?"
:DQuote:
A blonde was knitting while driving. A patrol car drove alongside her and the cop hollered out, "Pull over!"
She yelled back, "No! It`s a scarf!"
Finally someone had some humorQuote:
Little Johny at his best
TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
L-JOHNY: George!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
L-JOHNY: Me!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
L-JOHNY: Don't bite any.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
L-JOHNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you now why his father didn't punish him?"
L-Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
L-Johnny: Brotherly love.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
L-Johnny : A teacher
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
:DQuote:
Gynecologist: A person who finds problem where others find pleasure.
No Dwarf Nuns Anywhere
The Seven Dwarfs went to the Vatican, and got ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey led the pack.
"Dopey, my son," said the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asked, "Excuse me, Your Eminence, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkled his brow at the odd question, thought for a moment and answered, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background the dwarfs started giggling.
Dopey turned around and gave them a fiery stare, silencing them.
Dopey turned back to the Pope. "Your Holiness, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled again, answered, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."
This time, all the dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turned around and silenced them all with an angry stare.
Dopey turned back to the Pope and said, "Mr. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns in the whole world?"
The Pope answered, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapsed into a heap, rolling and laughing, tears running down their cheeks as they began chanting: "Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin!"
:D:D
:D
Quote:
There's a new potentially harful virus doing the rounds.. Even the most
advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one.
It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1950.
Symptoms:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail.
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.
7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."
8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."
It's called the "C-NILE VIRUS."
I wonder how I can get patches for that wirus?
A_YOUNGER_WIFE :cool:Quote:
Originally posted by YourSurrogateGod
I wonder how I can get patches for that wirus?
You're a real naughty boy aren't ya mick...Quote:
Originally posted by Mick
Only been arrested twice...didn't have to fill out a thing...:D
What did u get done for? Drunk'n'disorderly?
:D :D :DQuote:
Answer:
Princess Diana's death.
Question:
How come?
Answer:
An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk
on Scottish whiskey,
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles,
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by an Indian,
using Bill Gates' technology,
and you're probably reading this on one of the IBM clones,
that use Taiwanese-made chips,
and a Korean-made monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by lorries driven by Indians,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
trucked by Mexican illegals,
and finally sold to you by an Israeli.
That, my friend, is Globalization!
:p
Quote:
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
The first little boy was called upon. He walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat
back down.
Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. "It's a period," said the little boy.
"Well, I can see that." she said, "but what is so exciting about a period?"
"Darned if I know," said the little boy, "but this morning my 16 year old sister was missing one, Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
The moral of the story, marry someone that doesn't play golf ;) .Quote:
Golfing with a Hitman
-------------------------------------------------------------
Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them.
"Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."
"Sure," they said, "You're welcome."
So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man," was the reply.
"You're joking!" was the response.
"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight.
"Here are my tools."
"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here" .
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.
"Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's that? Wait a minute, that's my neighbour in there with her... He's naked as well! That b*tch!"
He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"
"I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbour, he's a mate of mine, a bit of a lad, so just shoot his d*ck off to teach him a lesson."
The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.
"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.
"Just wait a moment, be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here..."
RElaX.
After two weeks of programming,
my eyes hurts
my back hurts
and I look at jokes at work.
fromQuote:
Memo to All Employees
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is enough to keep the job going in your absence.
YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your replacement.
REST ROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from > 8:00 a.m. to 8:10 a.m., employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:10 a.m. to 8:20a.m. and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both employee's' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.
PAYCHECK GUIDE:
The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks:
Item & Amount
Gross Pay $1,222.02
Income Tax $ 244.40
Outgo Tax $ 45.21
State Tax $ 11.61
Interstate Tax $ 61.10
County Tax $ 6.11
City Tax $12.22
Rural Tax $ 4.44
Back Tax $ 1.11
Front Tax $ 1.16
Side Tax $ 1.61
Tic-Tacs $ 1.98
Thumbtacks $ 3.93
Carpet Tacks $ 0.98
Stadium Tax $ 0.69
Flat Tax $ 8.32
Surtax $3.46
Corporate Tax $ 2.60
Parking Fee $ 5.00
F.I.C.A. $ 81.88
T.G.I.F. Fund $ 9.95
Life Insurance $ 5.85
Health Insurance $ 16.23
Dental Insurance $ 4.50
Mental Insurance $ 4.33
Reassurance $ 0.11
Disability $ 2.50
Ability $ 0.25
Liability $ 3.41
Unreliability $ 10.99
Coffee $ 6.85
Coffee Cups $ 66.51
Floor Rental $ 16.85
Chair Rental $ 0.32
Desk Rental $ 4.32
Union Dues $ 5.85
Union Don'ts $ 3.77
Cash Advance $ 0.69
Cash Retreats $121.35
Overtime $ 1.26
Undertime $ 54.83
Eastern Time $ 9.00
Central Time $ 8.00
Mountain Time $ 7.00
Pacific Time $ 6.00
Time Out $ 12.21
Oxygen $ 10.02
Water $ 16.54
Heat $ 51.42
Cool Air $ 26.83
Hot Air $ 20.00
Miscellaneous $ 113.29
Sundry $ 12.09
Various $ 8.01
Net Take Home Pay $ 0.02
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. All questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week. The Management
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/698225/posts
gorgeous blonde girl, in a porsche, awaits at the stop
a beggar approaches:
- plz lady, 2 dollars...
the girl is impressed and gives him the money
next stop, the same man:
- plz lady, 3 dollars...
the girl says what the ****, hes poor, so she gives him
next stop ,same man:
-plz lady, 4 dollars
the gorgeous girl, pissed off this time says:
*** man! go get a job
the beggar says:
- actually, hon, if u give me 10 dollars ill tell you how to leave this rounded intersection :P
LOL
Hola!
some times i just drive around and around a circle intersection.
Kind of get dizzy after 10 or more turns. :D
:D :DQuote:
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He
rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!" :cry:
George W. Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to **** where the devil is waiting for him....
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you - but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got 3 people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil showed him into a room. Inside was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. Nixon just kept diving in and surfacing empty handed, over and over and over. Such was his fate in ****. "Would you like to change places?" asks the devil.
"No way!" said George, "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time. "Oh no! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I'd be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.
The devil opened a third door. Inside, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor completely naked. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing him a little 'favour'. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Oh yeah, I can handle this."
The devil then smiled and said.... "Monica, you're free to go!"
Little Johnny's at school, struggling with his arithmetic.....
Teacher: "Okay Johnny, there's 3 birds on the fence. I shoot twice and hit two of them. How many birds are left?"
Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Why's that?"
Johnny: "You hit two and the third one flew away..."
Teacher: "Not totally correct, but I see the way you think."
Johnny: "Can I now ask you a question, teacher?"
Teacher: "Go ahead, Johnny."
Johnny: "There are 3 women eating ice cream. One licks her ice cream, another sucks it and the third bites the ice cream. How can you tell which one is married?"
Teacher: "Ooooh, let me think.... The one who bites the ice cream?"
Johnny: "No its the one with the wedding ring, but I see the way you think!!"
A visiting professor at Texas A & M University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
15 students raise their hands.
"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
Three students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further.....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
One student in the back raises his hand.
The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says:
"Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says,
"Well, tell us what it's like to make love with a ghost."
The student replies, "Ghost? ****..... From back there I thought you said, 'Goats'!"
:D :DQuote:
Dr. Watson and Sherlock Holmes go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and fell asleep.
Some hours later, Sherlock Holmes wakes Dr. Watson. " look up at the sky and
tell me what you see."
Dr. Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Dr. Watson ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of
galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small
and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 9 characters. :sick:
A young cowhand was on vacation in South America and stopped off at a local restaurant. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, but the smell was wonderful.
The cowhand turned to the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
"Ah senor," replied the waiter, "you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles, fresh from ze bull fight this morning, a local delicacy!"
The cowhand, though momentarily daunted, replied, "What the heck, I'm on vacation down here! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come back early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"
Next morning, the cowhand returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. He takes a few nibbles and, after inspecting the contents of his platter, he calls the waiter over.
"These are delicious," says the cowhand, "but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. It happens. Sometimes ze bull wins!"
:DQuote:
A blonde goes into a haircutter, and set down.
"Please shave me bold!"
"Ok, but if I should do that, you have to put your earphones out!"
"No, I can't without them I would die!"
The haircutter started cutting around after several minutes he complained again:
"Could you please pull out your earphones??"
"No Sir, I can't it would kill me!"
The haircutter was really bad at the blonde and went on cutting her hair off. After severel minutes again he started complaining again, and he was really mad:
"Please, Ms. pull out those earphones. I can't cut your hair if you wear them!"
The blond took out the earphones and pulled out the walkman, turned if off and pullet it back into her hand-bag.
After some minutes the blonde's face turned blue. then black. Then she fell of the chair and died.
The haircutter was really shocked and he took the walkman. He was listening what was on the tape:
"Breath In. Breath Out. Breath In. Breath Out ..."
The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 9 characters. >> Really annoying
You can simply add on a few blanks at the end of the smiley in order to get around this problem ;) .Quote:
Originally Posted by NoHero
I don't get it.Quote:
Originally Posted by John E