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A kangaroo at the Sydney zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night. Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. They tore down the ten-foot fence and put up a fifteen-foot fence. He was out again the next morning. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody thinks to lock the gate at night!
Samatha has hidden his candy for over several years, and it is edible still even after having been discovered lately.
what is the size of the candy ? Could you tell me plzzzzz ?
5.9 inches long including the wooden stick based to hold the red candy on top, its diameter is around 1.5 inch, very goody.Quote:
Originally Posted by Yemen1955
Gennaro is in this country for only 6 months.He walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store.
Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Boccelli leather shoes.
He wants those shoes so much...
it's all he can think about.
After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.
Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.
Gennaro seizes this opportunity to wear his new Boccelli leather shoes for the first time
He asks Sophia to dance and
as they dance he asks her,
'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?'
Startled, Sophia replies,
'Yes, Gennaro, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?'
Gennaro answers,
'I see the reflection in my new
$300 Boccelli leather shoes.
How do you like them?'
Next he asks Rosa to dance,
and after a few minutes he asks,
' Rosa , do you wear white panties tonight?'
Rosa answers,
'Yes, Gennaro, I do, but how do you know that?'
He replies,
'I see the reflection in my new
$300 Boccelli leather shoes.
How do you like them?'
Now as the evening is almost over
and the last song is being played,
Gennaro asks Carmela to dance.
Midway through the dance his face
turns red.
He states, 'Carmela, be stilla my heart, please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight,
please, please, tella me this true!'
Carmela smiles coyly and answers,
'Yes Gennaro, I wear no panties tonight.'
Gennaro gasps,
'Thanka God ..
I thought I had a CRACK in my
$300 Boccelli leather shoes!'
A lady gets out of the shower and her husband gets in. The doorbell rings and the husband asked his wife if she could get it for him.. So she wraps a towel around her and heads down stairs.
She answers the door to find her husband's friend Bob standing there. He looks at her in awe. He said, "I'll give you $800.00 if you drop that towel!" She thinks for a minute and then she drops the towel. He gives her the money and then leaves.
The lady goes back upstairs to her husband. He asks, "Who was it?" She said, "It was Bob." He asks, "DID BOB GIVE YOU THAT $800.00 I LET HIM BORROW......?"
Summer is the right time for family reunion, it's warm from the inside
I am a bit close to tradition now; I was told that except whookers no one can take anything from a man that has two wives
I chuckle now because I could :D hehe
Being a responsible man, you will realize that it is not acceptable to stay put just to one side.
Is this thread a joke thread ? YES.
are my words jokes or incorrect to you ? You think.
Please post jokes that are acceptable to everybody. See the AUP for the rules.
I agree, Username555, should promise that he will change, not to jeke people around,
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers?
Incase he had a hole in one.
...
Sorry, I really couldn't resist.
Every morning, I put on my underwear to run around the house, no one cares. True.
http://img150.imageshack.us/img150/1720/15638865rw6.png
Hi all,
This thread has been dead for some time, but I just found it, and want to share with you a joke, hopefully not published here yet.
As this is programming forum, this is a joke about a programmer.
Programmer's wife ask him to go shopping.
She says: "Buy a dozen of eggs, and if there are sausages, buy five"
He goes to the shop, and asks the clerk :
"Do you have sausages ?"
"Yes" answers the clerk.
"ok, so I'll take five eggs"
:)
Pawel.
I didn't know that one, it's probably new. :)
LOL I love that one, awesome.
Just a translation for nerds:
if(ShopHasSausages = TRUE) Buy("Eggs", 5);
else Buy("Eggs", 12);
//VirtualProgrammer's Industries 2009-2009
Haha :D, just tryin to pull my own one here.
EDIT - (Corrected code :) and administered copyright).
Though if he follows the algorithm sequentially, he could by 17 eggs rather than 5:
Buy("Eggs", 12);
if(ShopHas("Sausages") == TRUE)
{
Buy("Eggs", 5);
}
:)
Basically, spoken language is really badly defined. We should stop using it and talk proper and clear algorithms... :rolleyes:
Using hard coded string literals and magic numbers in code isn't good practice.
As such, this isn't even close to funny.
Oh my god! How did I forget the 12 eggs. ****. LOL anyway, nice correction there, and yeah I completely agree... languages are horrifically defined. But talking in expressions won't be interesting :D.
Arjay man no need to be so stuck up now is there? :(. Just relax.
EDIT - I did not swear... I think... See below post for further explanation. :).
Getting around our fine word filter is also against the AUP. May I suggest that you edit your post before it gets quoted...
What do you mean? Is that word a bad one? Really? Anyway I'll change it... but I didn't know I was in the wrong. Sorry.
If it gets filtered, that means one of two things. 1) Filter mistake, but not likely after a few years running, and 2) It has a reason to be.Quote:
Originally Posted by VirtualProgrammer
Either way, you have to ask a moderator if it's #1 BEFORE you use it. They've been known to add corrections.
This may have been posted already but...
The perfect man:
A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just
going by. He got into the taxi, and he said to the Cabbie said,
"perfect timing, you got here just at the time I needed you.
The Cabbie said, "You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything
right all the time. Like you coming out just as I was coming along when you
needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete.
He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the
pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway
star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an
amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more ... He had a memory like a computer.
He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine,
which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix
anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street
blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and
avoid traffic jams. Not like me. I always seem to get stuck in
them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to
treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back
even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always
immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He
never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank
Feldman"
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I
made the mistake of marrying his freaking widow."
Photo of Me in the Bath :
If that is you, where is the rubber ducky?
Man vs. Technology
Come on over boy!
So a termite walks into a bar and says
"Bartender, where is the bar tender?"
E: Is Sushi made from a dead fish ?
A: No it is raw
E: :D :eek: :eek: :eek: ! :confused: yummy the dead fish!
E: I need tuuuu Sheeetss on my bed!
A: No, not on bed but in the toilet sir!
- DavidQuote:
An Aussie was marooned on a desert island. His only companions were a male dog and a female koala. The dog and koala hit it off, and for a year the Aussie could only sit and watch while the dog humped the koala senseless.
"Lucky *******!" thought the Aussie, "I could do with a good shag myself. "
One day a beautiful naked blonde was washed up on the beach.
"Hi. I'll do anything you want me to," she said to the Aussie.
"Great!!! At last, after all this time!!! Take the dog for a walk, love, while I shag this koala."
When I saw this i just could not resist.. (especially considering the recent upgrade problems)...
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