I don't care... its still just two stars! :( :cry:Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathew Joy
Besides, those stars don't add to the actual rep points... so what's the use?? :( :cry:
/;)
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I don't care... its still just two stars! :( :cry:Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathew Joy
Besides, those stars don't add to the actual rep points... so what's the use?? :( :cry:
/;)
It's an alternate system since we don't have rep points here. :) Maybe we can develop this system and use it in chit chat forums...Quote:
Originally Posted by che_rish
Yeah, maybe we can apply that in the chit chat forums... but I still can't accept the fact that you gave me only two stars!! I was expecting at least three. :( :cry:Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathew Joy
/You're not stingy now, are you?? :p
I give stars for the worthyness...but you don' t have to cry for that...Quote:
Originally Posted by che_rish
Don't you cry...
Don't you cry tonight,
There's a heaven above you...
One psychologist to another
"You are fine. How am I?"
Back around 1969 a Russian and an American were discussing political freedom in their respective countries:
The American says " In the US I could go up to the Whitehouse and knock until somebody answers. Then, I could tell them that Richard Nixon was a no good two faced crook."
The Russian says that it was similar in the USSR: "I can go up to the door at the Kremlin and knock until somebody answers. Then, I could tell them that Richard Nixon was a no good two faced crook."
Nice one Tom ;)
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
/:D
It would be funny if it werent so true... :cry:Quote:
Originally Posted by che_rish
This is so bad that I expect to be banned from placing another joke in this forum again... So you have been warned... ;)
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
I am soooo sorry to unleash that to the outside world... I am now a troubled man... :cry:
John
A man in Berlin took his car to the shop to be repaired in the early 60's. The next morning the Berlin wall was erected between him and his car. When the wall fell 30 years later, he called the repair shop on the odd chance they still had his car. The good news was they did still have the car. The bad news was it wouldn't be ready until next Thursday.
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers
have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels
be placed immediately on all containers:
Warnings:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4:00 in the morning.
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your *** kicked.
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning
and see something really scary.
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space
continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your bra.
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
What woman want in a Man?
What Women Want in a Man, Original List (age 22)
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
======================================
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
======================================
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends
======================================
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends
======================================
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend
======================================
What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.
How many lawyers does it take to change a...
How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
“Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spill-over illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.
Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable. NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part.”
I wrote it wrong, you're right... I meant Women = time & money... the * to come in later... it's a good thing I have a math degree... dugh!Quote:
Originally Posted by whaTHell