AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

A drunken man walks into a
biker
bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees
three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the
table,
leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I
went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck
naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!" The biker looks at him and
doesn't say a word.
His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight
at
the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got
it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The
biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still
says
nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll
tell
you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!" At this point the
biker
stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the
eyes
and says, "Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk

Nice one, Hannes... i give it: three stars. *** :D

If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines

UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on...

Mac Airlines
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air
The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air
Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Linux Air
Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

/ got somewhere from net

Windows Error Codes Unveiled!

WindowError:001 Windows loaded. System in danger
WindowError:002 No error . . . yet.
WindowError:003 Dynamic linking error. Your mistake is now in every file.
WindowError:004 Erronious error. Nothing wrong.
WindowError:005 Multitasking attempted. System confused
WindowError:006 Malicious error. Desqview found on drive.
WindowError:007 System price error. Inadequate money spent.
WindowError:008 Broken window. Watch for glass fragments.
WindowError:009 Horrible bug encountered. God knows what has happened.
WindowError:00A Promotional literature overflow. Mailbox full.
WindowError:00B Inadequate disk space. Need 50 meg minimum.
WindowError:00C Memory hog error. More RAM needed. More! More!
WindowError:00D Window closed. Do not look out.
WindowError:00E Window open, do not look in.
WindowError:00F Unexplained error. Please tell us how it happened.
WindowError:010 Reserved for future mistakes
WindowError:014 Nonexistent error. This cannot really be happening.
WindowError:015 Unable to exit windows. Try the door.
WindowError:017 Keyboard locked. Try anything you can think of.
WindowError:018 Unrecoverable error. System destroyed.
WindowError:019 User error. It's not our fault. Is not! Is not!
WindowError:01A Operating system overwritten. Terribly sorry.
WindowError:01B Illegal error. Do not get this error.
WindowError:01C Uncertainty error. Uncertainty may be inadequate.
WindowError:01D Unable to figure out our own code. System crashed.
WindowError:01E Timing error. Please wait. And wait. And wait.
WindowError:01F Reserved for future mistakes
WindowError:020 Error recording error codes. Remaining errors lost.

Remember when.......

A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show
A window was something you hated to clean....
And RAM was the cousin of a goat.....

MEG was the name of my girlfriend
And GIG was your middle finger upright
Now they all mean different things
And that really MEGA bytes

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy
You hoped nobody found out

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead

Mutant Marsupials Take Up Arms Against Australian Air Force

The reuse of some object-oriented code has caused tactical headaches for Australia's armed forces. As virtual reality simulators assume larger roles in helicopter combat training, programmers have gone to great lengths to increase the realism of their scenarios, including detailed landscapes and in the case of the Northern Territory's Operation Phoenix herds of kangaroos (since disturbed animals might well give away a helicopter's position).

The head of the Defense Science & Technology Organization's Land Operations/Simulation division reportedly instructed developers to model the local marsupials' movements and reactions to helicopters. Being efficient programmers, they just re-appropriated some code originally used to model infantry detachment reactions under the same stimuli, changed the mapped icon from a soldier to a kangaroo, and increased the figures' speed of movement.

Eager to demonstrate their flying skills for some visiting American pilots, the hotshot Aussies "buzzed" the virtual kangaroos in low flight during a simulation. The kangaroos scattered, as predicted, and the visiting Americans nodded appreciatively... then did a double-take as the kangaroos reappeared from behind a hill and launched a barrage of Stinger missiles at the hapless helicopter. (Apparently the programmers had forgotten to remove that part of the infantry coding.)

The lesson?

Objects are defined with certain attributes, and any new object defined in terms of an old one inherits all the attributes. The embarrassed programmers had learned to be careful when reusing object-oriented code, and the Yanks left with a newfound respect for Australian wildlife. Simulator supervisors report that pilots from that point onward have strictly avoided kangaroos, just as they were meant to.

Nice poem, Ejaz! :thumb: I give it: four stars!! ****

Thanx!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by che_rish

Nice poem, Ejaz! :thumb: I give it: four stars!! ****

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Warning: You have reached the end of your quota for the day. Please wait for a 24 hour period before giving.

There is no way that I can top Ejaz's last posts... way to go Ejaz, they were great!
Anyway, here's my penny's worth...

Two pieces of Tarmac walk into a bar and order a beer. Upon ordering, they see another piece of Tarmac sitting on his own in a corner but they choose to ignore him and they proceed to a table of their own to drink their beers.

A while later, a barman walks up to the two pieces of Tarmac and asks:
'How come you're not sitting with the Tarmac in the corner?'

Tarmac replies 'We're not sitting next to him.... he's a complete cycle path!'

I thanken yew! :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Vaderman

There is no way that I can top Ejaz's last posts...

---

His last post was "Thanx!" :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Vaderman

Two pieces of Tarmac walk into a bar and order a beer. Upon ordering, they see another piece of Tarmac sitting on his own in a corner but they choose to ignore him and they proceed to a table of their own to drink their beers.

A while later, a barman walks up to the two pieces of Tarmac and asks:
'How come you're not sitting with the Tarmac in the corner?'

Tarmac replies 'We're not sitting next to him.... he's a complete cycle path!'

I thanken yew! :D

---

Good one.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ejaz

WindowError:010 Reserved for future mistakes

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:lmao: ... :lol: ...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ejaz

WindowError:001 Windows loaded. System in danger
WindowError:003 Dynamic linking error. Your mistake is now in every file.
WindowError:005 Multitasking attempted. System confused

WindowError:008 Broken window. Watch for glass fragments.
WindowError:00F Unexplained error. Please tell us how it happened.
WindowError:010 Reserved for future mistakes
WindowError:015 Unable to exit windows. Try the door.

WindowError:019 User error. It's not our fault. Is not! Is not!

WindowError:01B Illegal error. Do not get this error.

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I think this error codes can be commecialized...the users will appreciate them..or just kill themselves..:D

This jokes not mine, and maybe they was published before here. I just cant read all this thread it`s huge but wonderfull
here thye are

Code:

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You Might Be A Programmer If:
1.  You immediately complain that this should be subscripted as zero.
2.  Most people say "Go To ****," but you tell people to redirect to
/dev/null.
3.  By the time you've gotten here in the document, you've run Tidy
or a similar app to check my X/HTML skills.
4.  The statement (0x2b||!0x2b) makes sense to you.
5.  You find 4 funny.
6.  You note with disgust that it always evaluates to true, since
0x2b != 0.
7.  Point 6 disgusts you, because under other languages than C++
(Java, per se), it would throw an exception, runtime error, etc.
8.  Both points 6 and 7 disgust you, because (0x2b||!0x2b) isn't
a statement.
9.  You wonder why there's so much religious debate.  After all,
can't they just type man life?
10.  When you think of Blowfish, the stuff described on www.blowfish.com
has no relation to what comes to mind.
11.  You can write formal grammar statements for C, C++, C#, Java,
Perl, Python, PHP, HTML, any XML schema, Assembly, Obj-C, QBASIC,
XBASIC, OO.o BASIC, StarMath, and just about anything else I could
throw at you, and yet the question, "Is our children learning?"
raises no red flags.
12.You quit drinking coffee; caffeine I/Vs are easier.
13.Your root@localhost password is the chemical formula for caffeine.
14.You didn't know that there was a war in Iraq: too busy preparing
for the next gcc compiler release.
15.You wrote the GPL.

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I have took them from GNU.org