4 out of 15, I don't think I'm a programmer :/
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4 out of 15, I don't think I'm a programmer :/
Another jokes from the www.gnu.org
Thats the hoku (may be I am wrong with the name but) the short poems by samurai`s warriors :DCode:A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that
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Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down
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Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
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You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
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Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
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Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
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Rather than a beep
Or a rude error message,
These words: "File not found."
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Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
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The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist
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Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
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ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.
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First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
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With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
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The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
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Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Error messages
cannot completely convey.
We now know shared loss.
hoku = Haiku:wave:Quote:
Originally Posted by Skoons
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends
ENGLISH LANGUAGE SIMPLIFICATION AGREEMENT
-----------------------------------------
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased
plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish.
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly,
sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be
replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters
kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent
to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s
in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by
"z" and "w" by " v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it izi tu understand ich ozer.
Ze drim vil finali kum tru! )))
You probably heard this one before...
The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,”
The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.” Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
You may be interested in knowing what Steinbeck said:Quote:
Originally Posted by YourSurrogateGod
"Montana is Texas as described by Texans." From "Travels with Charley."
Good one for Mathew Joy and Robotact... :thumb: ...the English language actually have influence from many languages..including German as German conquered them long time ago...and that's why the term Anglo-Saxon came..
\\schwim Mike...kuss mich.. achtung:D (don't ask me..I don't know what am I talking about either :D )...
Posted a few pages backQuote:
Originally Posted by HanneSThEGreaT
That "simplified" version sounds like German to me (I learn German now).
One woman said to another women:
"My husband's an angel."
The other woman said:
"You're lucky! Mine is still alive!":eek:
Woman stares at marriage Certificate for 4 hours.
Husband asks:
"What are you doing¿"
Woman replies:
"I'm looking for the expiry date!":p
We have the same joke but instead women there is manQuote:
Originally Posted by HanneSThEGreaT
that's why he post it as women's joke to make it different:D:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Skoons
Interviewer: Mr. John, Can u tell me, what is inheritance.
John : (Embarrassed by this simple question) When U make love to
ur wife and she bears a child, that is Inheritance.
Interviewer was a thorough professional and was not disturbed by
John's reply. But he wanted to have some fun.
Interviewer: Then what is Multiple Inheritance?
John : When U and ur neighbour make love with ur wife and ur wife
bears a single child, that is multiple inheritance.
Interviewer: What is Virtual Function?
John: When ur neighbour makes love with ur wife and u assume
that, the child is urs.
Interviewer: What is Pure Virtual Function?
John: When u r impotent and still ur wife bears a child.
This was too much for the interviewer; so he got angry and got up.
but John was very cool. He said immediately, "no problem,
just assume that ur wife is an abstract base class and allow her to
be derived as many times as possible.