I guess that this song was written before C++ came out :D
P.S. I really like your joke, vb_the_best
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I guess that this song was written before C++ came out :D
P.S. I really like your joke, vb_the_best
Nice joke, vb_the_best!! :thumb: :thumb: :thumb: :thumb:
:blink:
Two Italian men and a lady stranded on a desert
island;
The two fought and one KILLED the other to have
the lady.
Two American men and a lady stranded on a
desert island;
They both had the lady TOGETHER.
Two French men and a lady stranded on a desert
island;
They killed the lady to have EACH OTHER.
Two Indonesian men and a lady stranded on a
desert island;
The first man claimed that island is independent
and took the lady as his advisor.
The second man swam to another island to search
for jobs.
Two Thai men and a lady stranded on a desert
island;
The first man rented the lady to the second man
for 2 baht a night.
Two Filipino men and a lady stranded on a desert
island;
The first man kidnapped the lady and asked for
ransom from the other man.
Two Malaysian men and a lady stranded on a
desert island;
The lady ACCUSED the first man of sodomizing
the other because she was rejected by both.
Two Singaporean men and a lady stranded on a
desert island;
The two men are still waiting for instructions from
the GOVERNMENT on how to proceed.
Thanx:wave:Quote:
Originally Posted by YvesM
Thanx:wave:Quote:
Originally Posted by che_rish
:lol: :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Max Payne
1. The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 6 characters.
Quote:
"I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ...I'd have nothing to play with. " --Rodney Dangerfield
AUDI : Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
BMW : Brings Me Women
FIAT : Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
FORD : Fix or Repair Daily
SAAB : Shape Appears ***-Backwards
HYUNDAI : Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...
SUBARU : Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually
VOLVO : Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
PORSCHE : Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
The handbook: HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY
To make a woman happy, all you have to do is to be:
- a friend
- a companion
- a lover
- a brother
- a father figure
- a teacher
- an educator
- a cook
- a gardner
- a carpenter
- a driver
- an engineer
- a mechanic
- an interior decorator
- a stylist
- a sex therapist
- a gynaecologist/obstetrician
- a psychologist
- a psychiatrist
- a therapist
- a good father
- a gentleman
- well organised
- tidy
- very clean
- athletic
- affectionate
- affable
- attentive
- ambitious
- amenable
- articulate
- bold
- brave
- creative
- courageous
- complimentary
- capable
- decisive
- intelligent
- imaginative
- interesting
- prudent
- patient
- polite
- passionate
- respectful
- sweet
- strong
- skillful
- supportive
- sympathetic
- tolerant
- understanding
- someone who loves shopping
- someone who doesn't make problems
- someone who never looks at other women
- very rich
AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION TO MAKE SURE YOU:
- are neither jealous nor disinterested
- get on well with her family, but don't spend more time with them than with her
- give her her space, but show interest and concern in where she goes
ABOVE ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO:
- Not forget the dates of:
- anniversaries (wedding, engagement, first date...)
- graduation
- birthday
- menstruation
However, even if you observe the above instructions perfectly, you are not 100% guaranteed that she will be happy, as she could one day feel overcome with the suffocating perfection of her life with you and run off with the first wild *******-bohemian-drunk-bon viveur she meets...
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY ???
- Let him have sex with you
A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday
morning.
He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you
are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you
to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind."
The pastor shouted out "CROSS."
Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD
RUGGED CROSS."
The pastor hollered out "GRACE."
The congregation began to sing "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the
sound."
The pastor said "POWER."
The congregation sang "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD.
The Pastor said "SEX!" The congregation fell in total silence.
Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at
each other afraid to say anything. Then all of a sudden, way from in
the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up
and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES."
I don't know if this one is acceptable:blush:
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to
her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window.
My husband's home early!"
"I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she
replied.
He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your
problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps
out the window!
As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly
discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual
marathon, so
he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to
blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of
runners
who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully
free!"
Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your
clothes with you under your arm?"
Oh , yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get
dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do
you always wear a condom when you run? "
"Nope.........just when it's raining.
What children write about the sea. TRUE!
This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)
Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)
If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea
all round you, you are in continent. ( Wayne age 7)
I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)
A dolphin breathes through an @$$hole on the top of its head. (Billy
age
8)
My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.
(Millie age 6)
When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle
to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating
beans. (William age 7)
I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails.
How
do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)
I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always
screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big
sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy
age
6)
Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give
you
a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they
have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)
My Mom has fishnets, but doesn't catch any fish (Laura age 5)
When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my
willy
small. (Kevin age 6)
When me and Sarah went to the sea side in the summer holidays, we hid
in
the sand dunes and watched my big sister doing it with her boy friend.
It was fun. (Lauren age 7)
A submarine goes under the water like a fish, but it has lots of semen
inside (Emma age 5)
When I grow up, I want to be captain of a big ship, and have lots of
sailors. (Valerie age 6)
Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't
go
down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)
They're funny!!! Think I'll distribute those around the office!! lol
:D :D :D
Engineering In ****
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're
an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer reports to the gates of **** and is
let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied
with the level of comfort in ****, and starts
designing and building improvements. After
awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets
and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular
guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and
says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there
in ****?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great.
We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and
escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer
is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer?
That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten
down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer
on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah,
right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Three guys from China called Bu, Chu & Fu decided to migrate to US. On reraching US, they decided to americanize their names. Bu called himself Buck, Chu called himself Chuck and Fu had to return to China.
haha Fcuk could work for him....Quote:
Originally Posted by The Saint
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A- Boo) is not just an athlete....she is a nurse currently working at
the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.
She is not permitted to answer the telephone.because too much confusion when she would answer the phone and says,
Picabo, ICU.
_____________________________________________________________
This was developed as an age test by an R&D department at Harvard University.
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age can't do it!
1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is person cat
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.