AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

Pay Attention

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First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor : The first is that you are not disgusted by anything involving the human body."
For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth."Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them calmly and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention........."

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Originally Posted by erickwidya

:thumb::thumb::thumb: Max Rule!!! :thumb::thumb::thumb:
so sad can't give reputation to u at this thread

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thanks... i just copy n past those jokes from forwarded emails n other forums...:p:thumb:

/edit..
ahh just noticed youre a neighbour... wazz up pak... :wave:

A few jokes for the math/science nerds among us:

Dr. Werner Heisenberg is speeding down the freeway one day when he's pulled over by the police. The cop walks up to Heisenberg's window and with annoyance in his voice, asks: "Hey buddy, do you know how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know where I am."

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?
Nothing; you can't cross a vector and a scalar.

Annual Checkup

An 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been better!" he replies. "I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What
do you think about that?"

The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun."

"So he's in the woods," the doctor continues, "and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him, suffering from a bullet wound in his its chest."

"That's impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear," the man said.

"Exactly."

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.

"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

:D

Famed fictional detective Sherlock Holmes and his gruff assistant Doctor Watson pitch their tent while on a camping expedition, but in the middle of the night Holmes nudges Watson awake and questions him.

HOLMES: Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you deduce.

WATSON: I see millions of stars, and if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it is quite likely there are some planets like earth, and if there are a few planets like earth out there might also be life.

HOLMES: Watson, you idiot! Somebody stole our tent.

:D :D :D

Here is one more (no offense meant) :D

Stevie Wonder is playing a gig in Tokyo. . . .

He's just finished playing his Seventies classic Sir Duke. The crowd is still going wild when a young Japanese man at the front says, "StevieWonder, you play a jazz chord, you play a jazz chord! So Stevie plays an F# minor on his keyboard and goes off on a jazz riff. The Japanese man says, "No Stevie Wonder, you play a jazz chord!" So Stevie tries an A and off he goes with the band on this amazing improvised moment. When he's finished, the lad says, "No Stevie, a jazz chord, a jazz chord!" By now old Stevie is a little confused. "What do you mean, play a jazz chord? I've just done 2 for you..?" he says to the fan. "But it best song of Stevie Wonder! It bery famous!" comes the reply. "Ok, well how does it go then?", enquires the blind musical genius. The young Japanese man clears his throat and starts to sing :

Wait for it.....
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"A jazz chord..............to say, I ruv you..."

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Originally Posted by Thread1

Here is one more (no offense meant) :D

Stevie Wonder is playing a gig in Tokyo. . . .

He's just finished playing his Seventies classic Sir Duke. The crowd is still going wild when a young Japanese man at the front says, "StevieWonder, you play a jazz chord, you play a jazz chord! So Stevie plays an F# minor on his keyboard and goes off on a jazz riff. The Japanese man says, "No Stevie Wonder, you play a jazz chord!" So Stevie tries an A and off he goes with the band on this amazing improvised moment. When he's finished, the lad says, "No Stevie, a jazz chord, a jazz chord!" By now old Stevie is a little confused. "What do you mean, play a jazz chord? I've just done 2 for you..?" he says to the fan. "But it best song of Stevie Wonder! It bery famous!" comes the reply. "Ok, well how does it go then?", enquires the blind musical genius. The young Japanese man clears his throat and starts to sing :

Wait for it.....
.
.
.
.
.
.
"A jazz chord..............to say, I ruv you..."

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i don't get this one...
although i know how hard it is to talk japanese or koreans in english...;)

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Originally Posted by Max Payne

i don't get this one...
although i know how hard it is to talk japanese or koreans in english...;)

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oh.. the kid was refering to his song entitled "I just called to say I love you" but he didn't get it right..

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening: "There's the Seventh...the Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced tot he crowd that had gathered in the cemetery. "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

Hello, is this the FBI?
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Merry Christmas Buddy"
:D

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Originally Posted by Smasher/Devourer

Dr. Werner Heisenberg is speeding down the freeway one day when he's pulled over by the police. The cop walks up to Heisenberg's window and with annoyance in his voice, asks: "Hey buddy, do you know how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know where I am."

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:D :D :D
I love jokes with scientists.

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are traveling with a train through Scotland. At some point they spot a black sheep on a filed.
"In Scotland all sheep are black," says the engineer.
"Hm...," says the physicist, "I believe you mean that some sheep in Scotland are black."
"No, no," says the mathematician. "You are both wrong. All we know is that there is at leas one sheep in Scotland, and at least one side of this sheep is black".

Heheheh...

For those who want to know and witness live karate check this out http://ghostxpast.com/concentration.mpa :D :D :D

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Originally Posted by Thread1

Famed fictional detective Sherlock Holmes and his gruff assistant Doctor Watson pitch their tent while on a camping expedition, but in the middle of the night Holmes nudges Watson awake and questions him.

HOLMES: Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you deduce.

WATSON: I see millions of stars, and if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it is quite likely there are some planets like earth, and if there are a few planets like earth out there might also be life.

HOLMES: Watson, you idiot! Somebody stole our tent.

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This is one of my favorite but the version I know is much better:

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Famed fictional detective Sherlock Holmes and his gruff assistant Doctor Watson pitch their tent while on a camping expedition, but in the middle of the night Holmes nudges Watson awake and questions him.

HOLMES: Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you deduce.

WATSON: I see millions of stars...

HOLMES: And what does that tell you?

WATSON: From the point of view of astronomy that tells me there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it is quite likely there are some planets like earth, and if there are a few planets like earth out there might also be life. From the point of view of astrology I see Saturn in the Lion constellation. Regarding time the stars tell me it's 2:15. Theological speaking I see that God is all-mighty and we are small and helpless. And if I'm thinking about the weather I believe that we will have a nice day. What about you sir?

HOLMES: Watson, you idiot! Somebody stole our tent!!!

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Originally Posted by cilu

This is one of my favorite but the version I know is much better:

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Yeah, that is more accurate than what I've got here hehehe :thumb: :D