well, its all about Loyality & Cheating between married couples.
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well, its all about Loyality & Cheating between married couples.
hmm I smell a bobbit joke somewhere in there.Quote:
Originally posted by Andy Tacker
well, its all about Loyality & Cheating between married couples.
Guess this is surely a Joke.See attached image
Aaahhh, to be a fifties Dad...Quote:
Originally posted by kandukondein
Guess this is surely a Joke
I don't see what's funny about that... Seems to me like a collection of reasonable, well thought advice from some real expert in the field. Just printed it and hung it up in the kitchen... :DQuote:
Originally posted by kandukondein
Guess this is surely a Joke.See attached image
12 shots
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."
The bartender says, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "75 cents!!"
Manager to employee:
We have decided to downsize and, well, you are the tallest:D
//something so that soul doesn't get bored
//PS: my cheeks are covered..so don't try to pull a fast one :D
A young man sees an old timer sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out. So he makes his way over to the bench and asks the pensioner if he’s all right. "Are you okay?" he asks.
"No, it’s my birthday today and I’m 82," blubs the old man. "Eighty-two!"
"But you look great for your age," says the young man, "you should be happy."
"Well, it's like this," sobs the pensioner, "A fortnight ago I got married to a 25-year-old blonde bombshell."
"Oh I see," says the young man, thinking he's sussed out the problem. "You’re just a bit too old to fulfil them conjugal responsibilities, I suppose?"
"‘Not at all," explains the pensioner, "my wife's a raver and we're usually at it five times a day."
"Look mate, " says the youngster, "I’m 25 and even I don’t get that much sex. What on earth are you crying about??"
"Well I've been sitting here for the past 6 hours," wails the man, "and for the life of me, I just can't remember where I live!"
The wife is having an affair with the pest control inspector. One day the husband came early from the office to find the guy hiding in a closet. "Who are you?" the husband asked.
"I am from the Bugs-B-Gone company"
"What are you doing here?"
"Looking for moths"
"And where is your cloths?"
The man looks at himself and said, "Those tricky little devils"
:D
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them
1 First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5 Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the
way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with
accessories. (Change framework)
8 Redo step 4
9 At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10 Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
13. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
14. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
15. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
16. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
17. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow
rate (performance issue)
18. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
19. Client is happy..
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk.
I guess now I have a place to post all the 'tarded jokes I get sent...
Quote:
Southern Law
Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they's suin' them cigarette companies fer causin' people to git cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now someone is suin' them fast food restaurants fer makin' them fat an' cloggin' their arteries with all them burgers an' fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"
"Sure is, Bubba."
"And that lady sued McDonald's for millions when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"
"Yep."
"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still couldn't read?"
"That's right," said the lawyer. "But why are you asking?"
"Well, I was thinkin' . What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?
Cause if I have to suffer them...so do you..
Quote:
Top Ten comments made by sports commentators that I'm sure they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back."
4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing - but none of them really that serious."
6. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew."
9. Metro Radio, College Football: "Julian D**ks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven D**ks on the field."
10. US Open TV Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?"
Wanna bet? My wife is the stupidest woman on the planet.Quote:
Originally posted by Tom Frohman
Nobody is that stupid.....:D
Mick - here's a few sports commentaries from this side of the pond....
1) I think that longevity is something that most boxers would die for.
Ben Bradshaw - Boxing commentator.
2) United will need to score at least once if they want to win in this game.
Sandy Clack - BBC 1 football commentator.
3) Those England fans with memories will be thinking back to last year.
Dave Provan - Scottish football commentator
4) There are more questions than answers being asked at this moment.
Stan Collymore - Radio 5 football commentator.
5) For those of you watching in black and white, the pink ball is that one just behind the blue.
Ted Lowe - BBC 2 snooker commentator.
6) In the European Cup, scoring three goals is like scoring twice as many as two.
French football commentator.
7) England are at the top of a cliff right now and they can either fall off the edge or keep on climbing.
Gary Neville - Sky TV football commentator.