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Hope this one hasn't been posted yet...
Having had one drink too many,
a bar drinker was beginning to display a nasty side.
An unescorted female sat down beside him
and he whispered to her, "Hey! How about it babe? You and me?"
As she got up to move, he said loudly,
"Honey, you sure look like you could use the money,
but I don't have two dollars."
She looked back and replied just as loudly,
"What makes you think I charge by the inch?
Friendship among Women:
A woman doesn't come home one night.
The next day she tells her husband she slept over at a friend's house.
The man calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man doesn't come home one night.
The next day he tells his wife he slept over at a friend's house. The woman calls her husband's 10 best friends. 8 of them say he did sleep over and 2 claim he's still there
This is probably my favorite computers related joke:
Quote:
Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."
haha :D:D:thumb:Quote:
Originally Posted by cilu
I heard another form of it (I would refer to pictures, left-to-right, top-to-bottom):
What the customer needed (#10)
How programmer understood it (#1)
How programmer wrote it (#2)
What programmer got after debugging (#3)
How it worked (#9)
Here's another joke:
Quote:
When the largest, most accurate, state of the art astronomic observatory was built, an army of astronomers from arround the world used it to search the space like never before. And one day they made an astonishing discovery: some huge letters on the surface of Pluto. Unfortunatelly they did not know what it meant. So they have decided to write something similar in a desert in US. They have gathered all the ink from the country and used it to write the following question in English:
"Do you understand this?"
Three months later they noticed new signs un Pluto, this time in English:
"Yes, we understand."
Realizing what amazing milestone in the history of human kind this was they gathered all the ink from Europe and Asia, generating an world wide economic crisis, and write a new question on the desert.
"What do you want from us?"
And as the world waited in tension the answer came five months later:
"Nothing. Don't pay attention to us. We are talking to Saturn."
A real knee slapper.Quote:
Originally Posted by cilu
So one computer says:
100101010111100000111111000101010110000100111
and the other says:
1110001011010101011101011100010100111111
Pardon my ignorance. But, Tom, every translation of the binary gives me gibberish. What encoding scheme are you using? In other words I'm not getting this one yet. Please enlighten.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Frohman
I could also be taking this too literally (a common occurance for me), so maybe I just don't have the sense of humor to find this funny.
A) You are taking it too literally.Quote:
Originally Posted by NatThoelecke
B) You don't have a sense of humor.
C) The library is closed.
I hope this clears things up :rolleyes:
You might not find it funny, but I found that in my old docs and there seems to be no other place to post it.
Four Management LessonsLesson Number One
*******************
*****************
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Number Two
*****************
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer,who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Number Three
*******************
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The Brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until
finally the a****** spoke up.
All the parts laughed at the idea of the a****** being the Boss. So the a****** went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the Feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that a****** should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.
All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the ****!
Management Lesson:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any a****** will do.
Lesson Number Four
******************
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the f rozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops **** on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep ****, keep your mouth shut!
I think you're pretty safe Ejaz! :thumb:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ejaz
I like it!!! :thumb: :thumb: :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Ejaz
#3 is infact the first joke of this thread...and this is no joke :D
:d