Maybe I should have put this on the Religion thread (oh, what the **** - I'll put it there too....)
Q) What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic?
A) Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
Printable View
Maybe I should have put this on the Religion thread (oh, what the **** - I'll put it there too....)
Q) What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic?
A) Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
A dog?
lol! :)
Dog save the week!
Yes, but can you scientifically proove that dogs exist?
[edit: sorry to all the people who had no idea why I was referring to buying scientific proof of the existence of dogs if they read this earlier... See MrRee quoting me below for more info]
dogs didn't exist...because, dogs didn't exist...but the dogs didn't exist...they didn't exist anyway....Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeb
A mail from the husband to the wife:
The wife replied back after some days to her husband:Quote:
Sweetheart:
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart
Your husband
Allen
Quote:
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details:
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses
instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some
other items...........
5. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me; I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I
hope I can complete the month using this balance.
Shall I plan same way for next months, please advice!!!
Your Sweet Heart
there it is...I go change its water...
2 1Quote:
A manager to his employee: "It has come to our attention that you have a private life"
Apologies about the caps.
This is a story why I fired my secretary.....
LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN'T FEEL VERY WELL WAKING UP THAT MORNING. I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE WOULD BE PLEASANT AND SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", AND POSSIBLY HAVE A PRESENT FOR ME.
AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE "HAPPY
BIRTHDAY."
I THOUGHT... WELL, THAT'S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE KIDS WILL
REMEMBER. MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD. SO WHEN I LEFT FOR THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND SOMEWHAT DESPONDENT.
AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY JANE SAID, "GOOD MORNING,
BOSS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE
HAD REMEMBERED. I WORKED UNTIL ONE O'CLOCK AND THEN JANE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, LET'S GO OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME."
I SAID, "THANKS JANE, THAT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY.
LET'S GO!"
WE WENT TO LUNCH. BUT WE DIDN'T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY WOULD GO. WE DINED INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A PRIVATE TABLE. WE HAD TWO
MARTINIS EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY
ON THE WAY BACK TO THE OFFICE, JANE SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A
BEAUTIFUL DAY... WE DON'T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?" I
RESPONDED, "I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?" SHE SAID, "LET'S GO TO MY APARTMENT."
AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT JANE TURNED TO ME AND SAID, "BOSS,
IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM FOR A MOMENT.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."
"OK." I NERVOUSLY REPLIED.
SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES, SHE CAME OUT CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE... FOLLOWED BY MY WIFE, KIDS, AND DOZENS OF MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY".
AND I JUST SAT THERE ....
ON THE COUCH .....
NAKED.
Thought you were shouting :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Vaderman
:rolleyes:
Vaderman, thas a great joke. :thumb: *rotfl* :D :D :D
ROFLMAO :D :D :D :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Vanderman
I haven't laughed like this for a long time.
That was really great
A ship is on a long voyage with a captain that likes the bottle.
After a few days, the First Mate writes in the log: "Today the Captain was drunk."
Next day, he writes again: "Today the Captain was drunk."
Third day, again: "Today the Captain was drunk."
Then the Captain tells the First Mate, "I don't want you to write that in the log."
"OK," says the First Mate, and a few days go by. Then he writes: "Today the Captain was sober."
Don Rumsfeld is giving George "W" Bush his daily briefing and tells him
that three Brazilian soldiers have been killed in Iraq.
George says "that's absolutely terrible", is lost for words, and holds
his head in his hands for several minutes. His staff are amazed at the
response, and the whole room stays silent.
Finally George lifts his head from the table and says "exactly how many
is a brazillion?"
What is a mistress.... :confused:
I've been told its halfway between a mister and a mattress. Is that about right...? :D