Nice.....
Printable View
Nice.....
I have to admit that I had some problems spotting the biggest face on the picture and a smaller one from its left. ;)
Really awesome :thumb: , but it`s not a joke, some users are really so ....hmm I think the word "not competented" will not harm any user :rolleyes: . It`s awfull truth :eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by Max Payne
I think that the easiest way is to write face recognition software and use it to the picture :DQuote:
Originally Posted by cilu
And the bug in the software will make it identify tanks instead of faces... :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Skoons
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
''God Almighty !''
shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?''
But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
''Jesus Christ!''
shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question,
''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?''
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted,
''If you stick that **** thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''
The Teacherfainted.
Bill Gates has been in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure where to send you. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95.
I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide whether you want to go to Heaven or ****."
Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?"
St. Peter : "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
Bill : "Fine, but where should I go first?"
St. Peter : "I'll leave that up to you."
"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try **** first." So Bill went to ****. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing, and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased.
"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is ****, I really want to see heaven!".
"Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.
Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as ****. Bill thought for a minute, and rendered his decision.
"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer ****," he told St. Peter. "Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire". So Bill Gates went to ****.
Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in ****. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by daemons.
"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.
Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the **** I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?"
"That was a demo," replied St. Peter.
Discussion between a poorly paid developer and his Boss:
Boss: Its time for increment. How much raise are you excpecting?
Dev: I think you should increase a zero in my net pay (suggesting that it shud be incresed 10 times)
Boss: No problem, we will add zero ($0) to your current inome. Happy!
Dev: This is not done. This is injustice.
Boss: OK OK! we will multiply ur current sal with zero., happy now!!
Developer faints...
"Little Golden Books" That Never Made It:
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to know and share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to ****
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukaemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Dare I say I would love to read #21. I chuckle every time I see it.
A mid aged women is going to celebrate her 47th birthday. To look young she have had been to a beauty parlour. She paid $4000 for face and hair improvement.
Now she was very happy and looking young. For being assured that her expenditure worth it, for looking young, she asked few people on the way.
At bus stop, she asked a young male "Excuse me, what should be my age", and smiles. He replied "Well, you seem to be around 29". "No! I am complete 47 years", and grins.
Now she went to McDonald's. She asked the restaurant girl, "Can you tell what is my age?". She replied "Ma'am, you look around 27 years!". She replied "Thank you. But I am exactly of 47 today."
Having asked many on the way, she found a old man. She approached him and asked the same question.
"Well, when I was young I used to tell beautiful ladies' age by playing their boobs. And that worked always perfectly. I can also try on you and will tell your exacy age... If you dont mind.", He replied with confident.
"What the he1l. No one can look at us. Just go ahead..."
Now he entered his hand into her breasts and plays with it with great love. He squeezes here and there in her bra. After a while lady breaks the activity, "Okay, okay. That's enough. Now tell me my age?"
He takes the last squeeze of her breasts and takes his hand out.
"Ma'm you are of 47 years!"
Stunned with his reply, she exclaims "Awesome! But how can you confidentely say that I am 47 years. Many others said I am less than 30!"
"I was just behind you at McDonald's queue"
:thumb: :thumb:Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinky98
R. D. Jones And His Sewing Machine
The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake.
MONDAY:
TUESDAY:Quote:
For sale: R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.
WEDNESDAY:Quote:
Notice: We regret having erred In R. D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M."
Quote:
Notice: R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale -- R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him."
THURSDAY:
Quote:
Notice: I, R. D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I intentionally broke it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she has now quit.
That is well funny!!
An ADULT is a person who has stopped growing at both ends and is
now growing in the middle.
CANNIBAL Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS are the only animals you eat before
they are born and after they are dead.
A COMMITTEE is a body that keeps minutes and
wastes hours.
DUST is mud with the juice squeezed out.
An EGOTIST is someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
A GOSSIP is a person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do
more damage.
A HANDKERCHIEF is cold storage.
INFLATION is cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
A MYTH is a female moth.
A MOSQUITO is an insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISINS are grape with a sunburn.
A SECRET is something you tell to one person at a time.
A SKELETON is a bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
A TOOTHACHE is the pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW is one of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
A YAWN is an honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES are something other people have. You have character lines.
A BANKER is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is
shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
An ECONOMIST is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he
predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
.
A STATISTICIAN is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the
personality to be an accountant.
An ACTUARY is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that
decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
A PROGRAMMER is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had
in a way you don't understand.
A MATHEMATICIAN is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which
isn't there.
A TOPOLOGIST is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee
cup and a doughnut.
A LAWYER is a person who write a 10,000 word document and calls it
a "brief."
A PSYCHOLOGIST is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful
girl enters the room.
A PROFESSOR is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A SCHOOLTEACHER is a disillusioned woman
who used to think she liked children.
A CONSULTANT is someone who takes the watch
off your wrist and tells you the time.
A DIPLOMAT is someone who can tell you to
go to **** in such a way that you will look
forward to the trip.
One day a taxi driver went to Subang airport to pick up a passenger from the states. One the way to KL they pass by DAYA BUMI."Hmmmm... how long does this building needed to be built?"he ask the foreigner. "ah....three years only lah..."he answer."wat building like this one need three years ."he said.When they approach the Maybank building the tourist ask again.."how long to built this building".
By now the driver is wiser"oh only 2 years.."he said "HuH!!!.. in my country it takes only one year."the tourist inform him.When the pass by the Kl tower..he ask again"then how about this tower??" The driver said "this one is shorter....so we need only a year."Oh my god " said the american "in states it takes only 6 months".
The driver is angry now. He drove faster. When he pass by KLCC(twin tower)Again the passenger ask "wat about this skycramper here??" Squeeeeeeeek!!!. He pulled the hand brake.GEt off from the car and stare at the KLCC.
The foreigner was suprise and get off the cab The driver then said "wat the heck ..THIS BUILDING WASN'T HERE WHEN I PASS THIS ROAD AN HOUR AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"