AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

A man entered his favorite restaurant and sat at his regular table. After looking around, he noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone. He motioned the waiter over and asked him to send their most expensive bottle of Merlot over to the woman, knowing that if she accepted the bottle, she would be his.

The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.

She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.

It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back!!

This is not meant to be taken serious:
http://thc.org/root/phun/unmaintain.html

Quote:

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Originally Posted by senproin

How to get signature in the report card..A Must Read :-)


Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood ! for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter! ,
Rosie.
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At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home. I love you!

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Good one... :D :thumb:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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:D

Programmer & Engineer
A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep. The Programmer persists and explains that it's a real easy game. He explains, "I ask a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5." Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.

The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "O.K., if you don't know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer I pay you $50!" Now, that got the Engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Then Engineer doesn't say a word and just hands the Programmer $5.

Now, its the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 turns away and tries to return to sleep.

The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, "Well what's the answer to the question?" Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to sleep

thank god I'm not a programmer anymore.. I'm a Software Engineer now..:D

I just got this..

its taken from a Malay Classic "Commedy" film, 3 of the guys are the main actor, any malaysian should know, I think Antarctican also knows.. but the other one standing in front, every Earthling should recognize.. :D:D

There is a factory in America which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm.

A new employee is hired at the factory and starts at 0800.

The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.

The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up,putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel manager decides he should see this for himself so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line
stands the new employee surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.

After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday"......

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles".

:lol: :lol: Nice one Matt

Q: How many forum members it takes to change a lightbulb?

A:

• 1 to change the lightbulb
• 1 to post an announcement that the lightbulb was changed
• 14 to share similar experiences and talk about other ways for changing the lightbulb
• 7 to warn about the dangers that may appear while changing the lightbulb
• 27 to correct the spelling mistakes from the previous posts about changing the lightbulb
• 53 to make fun on those that corrected the spelling mistakes
• 2 professionals to indicate that the correct term is "lamp"
• 15 that claim that they have also worked in the field and "lightbulb" is also a correct term
• 109 that claim that the forum is not about lightbulbs and the discussion should be moved to another forum
• 111 that claims that as long as people use lightbulbs the discussion is useful
• 306 to discuss what are the best methods of changing a lightbulb, what are the best lightbulbs and where they can be purchased from
• 27 that post links for sites where you can see models of lightbulbs
• 14 to claim the links are not good and provide other
• 33 to quote what was already told and say" me too"
• 6 to ask people to use the search feature of the forum
• 12 to claim they will no longer use the forum due to the divergences on the lightbulbs topic
• 143 to say "first search on google and only after that post it here"
• 16 off-topic posts between several members
• 24 posts where other members ask them to use PMs or emails
• 1 moderator to warn about staying on-topic or else the thread will be closed
• 1 new member on the forum that resurects the discussion after 6 months, and everything starts all over again

BTW, looks familiar? ;)

:lol: That was the most realistic joke in this thread :thumb:
Exactly what happens in a forum (esp. GD Chit-chat)

...

• 1 to writing an FAQ on it, seeing the question repeating.
• 3 to write articles on different ways to change lightbulbs and
• 1 to ban the person spaming about changing lightbulbs :D

:):)

:)

:):):)

Squares A and B are the same shade of grey. You may check it in any editor, it's RGB(120,120,120).