Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said,
"For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."!
"Oooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband," said the wife. The fairy moved her magic stick and abracadabra! Two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.
Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said:
"Well this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime. So, I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed. But a wish is a wish.
So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick and abracadabra!
The husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story:
Men might be ungrateful idiots, but fairies are...
FEMALE!
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
A man was walking along a California beach deep in prayer. Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head, and in booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over any time I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific? The concrete and steel it would take? What about the impact on the environment? I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things... Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel: what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing' and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord thought for a moment...
And the Lord replied, " Do you want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
Quote:
A little boy goes to his dad, a Datuk and asks, "What is Politics?"
The Datuk Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her The Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you The People.
The Maid, we will consider her The Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him The Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what is Datuk Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the Maid's room.
Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the Maid.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his Datuk father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now,"
The Datuk father says, "Great son! Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies:
"The Prime Minister is screwing The Working Class while The Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and The Future is in deep S**T."
/PS: "Datuk" is the awards/title given to rich\famous\noble people here.. just like "Sir" for people in UK..
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
nice jokes- maxpayne and deniz
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
couples...:D
Quote:
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What
setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
Quote:
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you
the happiest woman in the world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you....."
Quote:
It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out
of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if
I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
Quote:
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord, I pray for
Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
cool salemen...:p
Quote:
A young Indian guy moves to Montreal and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home". Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice.
If a customer comes looking, say, for toothpaste, you might suggest for him a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. you get the idea?"
"Of course," the young man said.
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down. "How many sales did you make today?
The kid says, "One"
The manager groans, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says, "$101,237.64."
The manager exclaims, "What? $101,237.64? What did you sell him?"
The kid, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Pajero."
The manager says "You mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?!"
The kid, "No, no, no, he came in here to buy a box of Kotex for his wife and I said, "Well, since your weekend's already screwed up, you might as well go fishing."
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
Big Jake..:p
Quote:
Joe had just made his way to the crowded bar when there was a frenzied commotion outside. A man shouted, "Run for your lives! Big Jake's coming!"
As everyone scattered, an enormous man burst through the doors, hurled tables and chairs aside and strode up to the bar. "Give me a drink!" he ordered.
Left alone at the bar, Joe quickly handed over a bottle of whisky.
The huge man downed it in one gulp, then ate the bottle.
Paralysed with fear, Joe stammered, "Can I get you another drink?"
"No, I've got to go," said the giant. "Didn't you hear? Big Jake's coming!"
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
:D:D...now, we have this phrase "how many trucks does it take to pull a car out of water"...
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God She asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way Home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
(You'll love this!!!)
God replied,
"I didn't recognize you."
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
Nice jokes, everyone. :D :D :D :thumb:
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
How do you know that you are a 'High-Tech' Worker?
It's dark when you drive to and from work.
You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.
You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
You learn about your layoff on CNN.
Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.
Your supervisor hasn't the ability to do your job assignment.
You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined.
Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital.
All real work gets started after 5pm or on weekends.
10% of the people you work with (boss included) -- knows what they do.
Vacation is something you rollover to next year.
Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers" or "does something with satellites"
You read this entire list and understood it
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnypalsingh
Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
Much likely a flash drive ;)
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
Stress reliever #1
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem
Can there be greater than this one?
Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.
Stress Reliever #3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
Stress Reliever # 4
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if
my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,
"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
Stress Reliever # 5
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
Stress Reliever # 6
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
Stress Reliever # 7
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your succ ess as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
Stress Reliever # 8
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
Stress Reliever # 9
A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?
He looked at her from head to toe and
replied: I like your sense of humor.
Stress Reliever # 10
Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
Stress Reliever # 11
What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.
A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threat) Analysis.
He said, my strength is my wife.
My weakness is my neighbor's wife.
Opportunity comes when neighbor goes out.
Threat comes when I myself go out
Stress Reliever # 12
Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"
