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Baby email
From dad
A soldier asked his commanding officer for a day's leave to attend his sister's wedding. The officer left him waiting outside, then called him in and said, "You are a liar, soldier. I just phoned your sister, and she says she has already been married for more than a year."
"Well, Sir, you must be an even bigger liar," the soldier replied, "because I don't even have a sister!"
:):):)
Cop on Horseback ***
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the a$$ on the back of the horse, instead of on top."
Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep. Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see".
Robin replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asks Batman.
Robin ponders for a minute. Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you, Batman?"
Batman is silent for a moment, then speaks: "Robin, you stupid idiot, someone has stolen our tent."
Nice jokes guys. :thumb: http://forums.codeguru.com/
One fat guy - goes to a popular GYM, sees an ad guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on
the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They
lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and
ladders and tell him to wait a minute.
He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm yours."
He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up
speed.
Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch her, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5kg.
He's back on the street and starts to think.
"God, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time...
So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."
"No problem," says the manager.
Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door
when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign, "If I catch you, you're mine."...........................
Here is an illustration
You know, that one was originally created with Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Wattson. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Deniz
This is the best joke I've heard in a long, long time:
The japanese invented a robot able to detect thieves. In Japan in 5 minutes they caught 100 thieves with it. In USA in 5 minutes they caught 200 thieves. In Romania, in 5 minutes the robot was stolen.
:D :p :D
A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side.
He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you." The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and said with trepidation, "Well what did you name them?"
The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise." The husband, relieved, said, "That's a very pretty name! What did you come up with for my son?"
The brother replied, "Denephew."
Quote:
Originally Posted by cilu
That's even funnier but todays kids wouldn't know who they are :rolleyes:
who are they?...serial killers?....Quote:
Originally Posted by Deniz
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrRee
They are similar to pokemons but they have silly haircuts and wear stupid hats. :p