Quote:
Originally Posted by cherish
I thought about censoring it but it would not have been funny... My apologies to anyone it may have offended. :D
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cherish
I thought about censoring it but it would not have been funny... My apologies to anyone it may have offended. :D
If you had censored it, the reader (like stupid me ;)) might not get that the little girl said it in lisp... :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Deniz
Dilbert's Theorem on Salary:
Dilbert's Theorem on Salary states that engineers and scientists never earn as much salary as business executives, sales people & Management guys .This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following three postulates:
Postulate 1:
Knowledge is Power (Knowledge=Power)
Postulate 2:
Time is Money (Time=Money)
Postulate 3:
(as every engineer knows): Power =Work/Time
It therefore follows:
Knowledge = Work / Time
and since Time = Money, we have:
Knowledge =Work / Money.
Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work/Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches
infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done.
Conclusion 1:
The Less you Know, the More you Make.
Conclusion 2:
This is the reason why your BOSS is paid more.
This one is gold :D :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Deniz
I felt offended by that, Deniz!:D:p...Quote:
Originally Posted by Deniz
that joke was a weally weally good piethe of thit!!!!!:D...
Beware New Virus On The Rounds..
....
Quote:
Man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife
stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body t to switch with mine for a day. Amen.
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next
morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their
lunches,
Drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went groceryshopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balancedthe check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their
homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded
laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was
exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "Child, I feel you have
learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."
HaHaHa :) :thumb:
Good one Ejaz.. :lol:
:lol: :lol: nice one Ejaz
here's another one.
Quote:
once three guys A chain smoker, An alcohlic and a sex addict (gay) with a Doc.
The doc says to them in specific that if anyone ever has even one more they are bound to die. :eek: so the chain smoker , alholic and the addict are walking down the road , all depressed .. The alcoholic sees a Bar and says " I gotta have a drink , i am sure that nothin will happen if i have a sip " sayin this he walks into the Bar ,while his friends watch him from outside. inside the alcoholic just has a sip and :bump: he falls dead on the Floor.
seeing that both the chain smoker and the sex addict get more depressed and continue walkin.
After walkin a little further they see a half lit cigar lieing on the floor.
the Sex Addict says to the chain smoker " Well if you bend down to pick that up both of us are goin to DIE "
This was a rehash, seeQuote:
Originally Posted by sunnypalsingh
http://www.codeguru.com/forum/showpo...&postcount=467
http://www.codeguru.com/forum/showpo...&postcount=468
http://www.codeguru.com/forum/showpo...&postcount=542
The Notes
An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them could accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire.
So, they decided to go see their doctor to get some help. Their doctor told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple liked the suggestion and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice.
When they got home, the wife said, "Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!"
"Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget."
"Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!"
"OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top.
Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife.
"Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband. "
No problem, a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream." With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans and making lots of noise.
He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Hey, where's the toast?"
this is the new meter using latest technology every cars should have.. :D
that was so helpful:D...Quote:
Originally Posted by Max Payne
YOU ARE PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICAN WHEN...
1. You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's license when stopped
by a traffic officer.
2. You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement.
3. You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car.
4. You can count the national soccer team's scores with no fingers.
5. To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750
6. Hijacking cars is a profession.
7. You can pay your tuition fees by holding up a sign at a traffic light
8. The petrol in your tank may be worth more than your car.
9. More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election.
10. People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty,
Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift and Given.
11. Now-now can mean anything from a minute to a month!
12. You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to
make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction.
13. Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest vehicle on the highway.
14. You're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car
parked where you left it.
15. The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines
and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday.
16. You paint your cars registration on the roof.
17. Half your mail is guaranteed to reach its destination.
18. You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a
government hospital.
19. You dial a toll free number and nobody answers.
20. You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one.
21. Prisoners go on strike