Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
A man met a beautiful girl, and she agreed to spend the night with him for $500.
So, they spent the night together. In the morning before he left, he told the girl that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "Rent for Apartment".
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So, he sent a check for $250 and enclosed a note:
"Dear Madam:
Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1. It had never been occupied;
2. There was plenty of heat;
3. It was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn`t any heat, and that it was entirely too large."
Upon receipt of the! note, the girl immediately sent back the following reply:
"Dear Sir:
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don`t have enough furniture to fill it, please don`t blame the landlord."
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
Quote:
Originally Posted by chmanish
A man met a beautiful girl, and she agreed to spend the night with him for $500.
So, they spent the night together. In the morning before he left, he told the girl that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "Rent for Apartment".
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So, he sent a check for $250 and enclosed a note:
"Dear Madam:
Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1. It had never been occupied;
2. There was'nt plenty of heat;
3. It was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn`t any heat, and that it was entirely too large."
Upon receipt of the! note, the girl immediately sent back the following reply:
"Dear Sir:
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don`t have enough furniture to fill it, please don`t blame the landlord."
Just some nitpicking ;)
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
I personally find this hilarious, but you may find it depressing, useful or just interesting, depending on your perspective.
You can see a history graph of the UNIX family of broken OS's. (Oops, did I say broken? Sorry all, didn't mean to pass judgement...)
They even keep it updated, although how they manage that is beyond me.
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ejaz
Just some nitpicking ;)
He was listing expectations, not actual findings. It should be "was plenty of heat."
Just nitpicking back :p
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
Thank you, Hankdane, for the link to that brilliant chart on Unix versions.
It's like the map of railways. I thought "unix" derived from "united". What's scary is that you know it's the same thing with versions of Windows or with dialects of Javascript.
Anyway, don't avoid learning to drive a car because you think learning to ride a bicycle is faster and easier.
Now, I remember that a great feature of Unix is its ability to handle forks.
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Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
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Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
In Romanian there is a single word for "parable" and "parabola". So this joke makes much more sense in Romanian:
Jesus to the apostles:
"In truth I say to you y = 5x^2 + 4x - 7".
The apostles speak to each other and then Peter approaches Jesus and says:
"Rabi, forgive us, but we haven't understood your teaching..."
"You sinners, it's a parabola/parable."
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
Quote:
MISFORTUNE
One morning at a doctors surgery a patient arrives complaining of
serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what
happened to your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and
he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at
him,That's how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look
terrible.What the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today
was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was
running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at
the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two
patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell
happened to youuuuuu.....?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
:D
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
This one is a nice one :D :thumb: :lol:
Well the **** are...Chickens ( Coc k )
Quote:
A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old ****. As he feels that
the old **** could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one
young **** from the market.
Old **** to Young **** : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards
productivity.
Young **** : What ya mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be
retired.
Old **** : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you
with some?
Young **** : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old **** : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I
win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I loose you will have all.
Young **** : O.K. What kind of competition?
Old **** : 50 meter run. >From here to that t! ree. But due to my age, I hope
you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young **** : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the Young **** allows the Old **** to
start off and when the Old **** crosses the 10 meters mark the Young ****
chases him with all his might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old **** back in a matter of seconds.
Suddenly, Bang! ..... before he could overtake the old ****, he was shot
dead by the farmer, who cursed, "What the hell ! This is the fifth GAY
chicken I've bought this week !"
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
A Mother had 3 virgin daughters and they were all getting married within
a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their s*x
life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard
from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital s*x felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The
card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mom was puzzled at first, but then
went
to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last
drop."
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and
the card read: "Benson & Hedges". Mom now knew to go straight to
her
husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack:
"Extra
Long. King Size.
She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a
week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing.Then after a whole
month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were
the words "British Airways." Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar
magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found
the ad for BA.The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both
ways."
Mom fainted...
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
No offense to the ladies :D
Quote:
A store that sells husbands has just opened in NewYork City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch .... you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down
except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . ..
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
Manager should be dealt with at once, or they are going broke. :rolleyes:
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
@Sarevok: You're almost always posting about girls... now, why is that? :rolleyes: :P
Re: AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)
Quote:
Originally Posted by cherish
@Sarevok: You're almost always posting about girls... now, why is that? :rolleyes: :P
Really?:D I didn't notice that.:rolleyes: Ok here's something different.:D
Quote:
The Thermodynamics of Hell
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today.Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that In order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".
