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:DQuote:
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3 - I'm a 6-foot tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
One day, a one dollar bill and a hundred dollar bill got folded together and began talking about their life experiences.
The hundred dollar bill began to brag:
"I've had a great life," he said. "I've been to all the big hotels, Donald Trump himself used me at his casino, I've been in the wallets of Fortune 500 board members, I've flown from one end of the country to the other! I've even been in the wallet of two Presidents of the United States, and once when Princess Diana visited the US, she used me to buy a packet of gum."
In awe, the dollar humbly responded, "Gee, nothing like that has ever happened to me, ...but I have been to church a lot!"
Because, cherish, girls are fun :DQuote:
Originally Posted by cherish
http://www.epsilon3.com/home/usenet_h.html
just read this :D
Ok.
So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender goes ahead and hands him one and says "That'll be one penny"
The man replies "Really only one cent? Can I get a steak, some french fries and an orange"
The bartender says back "Okay 3 cents"
The man is shocked and says "Wow, this really is a nice place I'd love to meet the owner. Where is he right now?"
The bartender says "In the the back with my wife"
The man says "What is he doing back there with your wife?"
The bartender replies "The same thing I'm doing with his business!"
HAHAHAHA.
Feeding The Baby
This was not at all a joke that could make someone happy. It made me feel very bad :eek:
Pls dont take it personally Sunny pra ji but I had this horrible feeling after seeing this and I could not resist but express it here.
Yes, it's awful, but it's only a joke.
Some other jokes:
A neighbour to another neighbor:
- Your baby is crying.
- What should I do?
- Don't know. Sing a lullaby and the baby will sleep.
- Okay.
Five minutes later, the neighbor comes back
- Well, can you please stop singing?
- Why?
- I prefer to hear the baby crying!
A policeman arrest a driver:
- Your car is emitting a lot of pollution.
- No, this is not a car, this is a machine for making clouds.
A businessman to another businessman:
- Thank you very much for acceting to be paid not now, but in three months.
- Don't thank me, that's natural between men of our kind.
- When will the goods be delivered?
- In three months!
A daughter to her mother:
- Mon, I want a beautiful doll, a little house, a piano, and a computer
- Okay, buy everything you want. Here are two dollars.
Two persons:
- When I drink a cup of coffee, I can't sleep.
- That's the opposite for me?
- How come?
- When I sleep, I can't drink a cup of coffee!
Good ones, Olivthill! :)
Check this out also:Quote:
Originally Posted by Skoons
http://www.icwhen.com/entertainment/...theology.shtml
Hmmmm, Since my last post, I have learnt to take things in lighter side. So this one was funny for me :thumb: ;)
Write a program in C for college love?.
Code:#include<STD ISD PCO.h>
#include<love.h>
#define Cute beautiful_lady
main()
{
goto college;
scanf("100%",&ladies);
if(lady = =Cute )
line++;
while( !reply )
{
printf("I Love U");
scanf("100%",&reply);
}
if(reply == "GAALI") // GAALI means Abuse
main(); /* go back and repeat the process */
else if(reply == "SANDAL ")
exit(1);
else if(reply == "I Love U")
{
lover = Cute ;
love = (heart*)malloc(sizeof(lover));
}
goto restaurant;
restaurant:
{
food++;
smile++;
pay->money = lover->money;
return(college);
}
if(time==2.30)
goto cinema;
cinema:
{
watch++;
if(intermission)
{
coke++;
smoke++;
}
}
if(time ==6.00)
goto park;
park:
{
for(time=6.30;time<=8.30;time+=0.001)
kiss = kiss+1;
}
free(lover);
return(home);
if(time ==9.30)
goto pub;
pub:
{
friends++;
party++;
booze++;
smoke++;
if(pub.close())
{
pay->bill;
come->out;
}
}
if (highly->intoxicated)
goto friendsroom;
else
{
sweetpan++;
polo++;
goto home;
}
friendsroom:
{
goto sleep;
}
home:
{
if(mom.shouts())
{
reason=(combinedstudy || projectwork || friendsbday);
say->reason;
}
if(dad.shouts())
shut->yourmouth;
call->lover;
if(phone->voice==(lover_dad->voice || lover_mom->voice))
{
hang++;
}
else if(phone->voice==lover->voice)
{
for(time=12:30;time<=1.30;time+=0.001)
{
say->ILuvU;
scanf("100%",&reply); /* "I Love U" already stored in reply */
}
}
goto sleep;
}
sleep:
{
*(dream)=love;
}
}
I really liked this part::thumb: :DCode:if(mom.shouts())
{
reason=(combinedstudy || projectwork || friendsbday);
say->reason;
}
if(dad.shouts())
shut->yourmouth;
I don't know you will find it funny or scary but I really found it funny :).
http://www.deathclock.com/
I know a person who is still alive and it says that he should have been dead.