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Why didn't I think of something like this trick. I could escaped some beating during school years..:D
/this joke with the girls version already posted here before..;)
Quote:
A MOTHER PASSING BY HER SON'S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THE BED WAS
NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP. THEN, SHE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED
UP PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTRE OF THE BED. IT WAS ADDRESSED "MOM."
WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, SHE OPENED THE ENVELOPE AND READ THE LETTER
WITH TREMBLING HANDS:
DEAR MOM,
IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING THIS. I HAD TO ELOPE
WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED TO AVOID A SCENE WITH YOU.
I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA. SHE IS SO NICE, EVEN WITH ALL
HER PIERCINGS, TATTOOS, AND HER TIGHT MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES. BUT IT IS NOT
ONLY THE PASSION, MOM. SHE'S PREGNANT, AND BARBARA SAYS THAT WE WILL BE
VERY HAPPY, EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T CARE FOR HER AS SHE IS 20 YEARS OLDER
THAN I AM.
SHE OWNS A TRAILER IN THE WOODS, AND HAS ENOUGH FIREWOOD FOR THE WHOLE
WINTER. SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY CHILDREN WITH ME AND THAT'S NOW ONE OF MY
DREAMS, TOO.
BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T REALLY HARM ANYONE AND WE'LL BE
GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES AND TRADING IT WITH HER FRIENDS FOR ALL THE
COCAINE AND ECSTASY WE WANT. IN THE MEANTIME, WE'LL PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL
FIND A CURE FOR AIDS SO BARBARA CAN GET BETTER. SHE SURE DESERVES IT!!
DON'T WORRY, MOM, I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF
MYSELF. SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK SO YOU SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW YOUR
GRANDCHILDREN.
YOUR SON, BILLY
P.S. MOM, NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. I'M ACROSS THE ROAD AT BOB'S HOUSE.I JUST
WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN MY REPORT
CARD THAT'S IN MY DESK, CENTRE DRAWER.
I LOVE YOU! CALL WHEN IT'S SAFE FOR ME TO COME HOME!!
nice one maxi :wave:
Banta Singh writes a letter to Bill Gates!!!
Dear Mr Bill Gates,
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.
2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.
3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.
4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran up to Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.
5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??
7. Every night I am not sleeping as i have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So i suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.
8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect your money.
9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?
10. Hey what is this, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad, but there is only one icon with 'MY Computer', what happened to the remaining?
11. There is not even single photo of mine in the 'MY Pictures'.. when u will keep my photo in that.
12. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME'
Thanking you,
Yours
Banta Singh
heheh :lol: :lol: pretty old one though.... but such ones can always amuse ppl :D good one Ejaz :wave:
Drinking Problem
:eek: Max is now called "Maxi"?? :D Ain't that a nickname for girls?? ;) :D :wave:Quote:
Originally Posted by sreehari
@sunnypalsingh: Hilarious! :thumb: :thumb: http://geocities.com/che_rish2000/codeguru/rotfl.gif
Nice. I looked at the CARS thread yesterday, and saved the StretchVette, and today, this one! I'm trying to conserve on disk space, but both deserve kudos!
@sunny: nice one :wave:
This came after the "girls thread".. :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by cherish
@sriharee: stop that... you can call me Maximus instead..:D
The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were 'protecting'.
Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deaf person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.
Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place.
The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter. The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where the money is."
The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?"
The deaf replies, "I don't know what you're talking about." The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The hood pulls out a large gun and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "NOW ask him where the money is."
The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?"
The deaf man replies, "The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate ."
The interpreter says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger."
nice one..
moral of the story, don't trust an interpreters..:D
10 commandments for 'working hard':
1. Never walk without a document in your hands:
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do;
2. Use computers to look busy:
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught - your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars;
3. Messy desk:
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives;
4. Voice Mail:
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel;
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed:
According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
6. Leave the office late:
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays;
7. Creative Sighing for Effect:
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure;
8. Stacking Strategy:
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best);
9. Build Vocabulary:
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses.
Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
10. MOST IMPORTANT:
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!
The C+-* Language
* pronounced "C, more or less."
Unlike C++, C+- is a subject oriented language. Each C+- class instance known as a subject, holds hidden members, known as prejudices or undeclared preferences, which are impervious preferences, which are impervious to outside messages, as well as public members known as boasts or claims. The following C operators are overridden as shown:
> better than
< worse than
>> much better than
<< forget it
! not on your life
== comparable, other things being equal
C+- is a strongly typed language based on stereotyping and self-righteous logic. The Boolean variables TRUE and FALSE (known as constants in less realistic languages) are supplemented with CREDIBLE and DUBIOUS, which are fuzzier than Zadeh's traditional fuzzy categories. All Booleans can be declared with the modifiers strong and weak. Weak implication is said to "preserve deniability" and was added at the request of the D.O.D. to ensure compatability with future versions of Ada. Well-formed falsehoods (WFFs) are assignment-compatible with all Booleans. What-if and why-not interactions are aided by the special conditional evenifnot X then Y.
C+- supports information hiding and, among friend classes only, rumor sharing. Borrowing from the Eiffel lexicon, non-friend classes can be killed by arranging contracts. Note that friendships are intransitive, volatile, and non-Abelian.
Single and multiple inheritance mechanisms are implemented with random mutations. Disinheritance rules are covered by a complex probate protocol. In addition to base, derrived, virtual, and abstract classes, C+- supports gut classes. In certian locales, polygamous derivations and ******* classes are permitted. Elsewhere, loose coupling between classes is illegal, so the marriage and divorce operators may be needed:
Operator precedence rules can be suspended with the directive #pragma dwim, known as the "Do what I mean" pragma. ANSIfication will be firmly resisted. C+-'s slogan is "Be Your Own Standard."Code:marriage (MParent1, FParent1); // child classes can now be derrived
sclass MySclass: public MParent1, FParent1 // define MySclass sclass
YourSclass: public MParent1, FParent2 // illegitimate
divorce (MParent1, FParent1);
marriage (MParent1, FParent2);
sclass YourSclass: public MParent1, FParent2 // OK now
Wow :lol: :lol: :)