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I Figured it's about time we had a One liners thread.. All those funny quote's and one liners that we find all over the place and want to share here can now be posted on this thread..
1 RULE ONLY :All posts to have a One liner or Quote, NO Pictures.
Heres one to start..
// A Woman needs a reason to cheat, A Man just needs a Woman !
--Edit--
Lets include those funny errors in translation, that make it onto instructions and packaging.. I've seen some that are side splitters..
If your not living life on the edge, your taking up too much space!
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. :eek:
As a career, the problem with history is there is no future in it. :)
I have the body of a 18 year old, I keep it in the fridge.
## Looks like a good start for this thread, I've got hundreds of these but will only post one every now and then...
Ahh what the hell .. here's a bumper sticker that i put on my first Car..
"Some cars come with insurance, This one came with a tow truck !!"
This is my version of a well-known saying:
"If it isn't broken, it can stand a bit of fiddling with."
The Red-Green version:Quote:
Originally Posted by Graham
If it ain't broke, you aren't trying hard enough.
The other Red-Green version:
"They better find you handy, if they don't find you handsome."
"I have the answers in my head, I just have'nt found them yet"
The only fully debugged program is the one that is no longer used.
If you think you CAN, you can, If you think you CAN'T, you are probably right.
Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing that you don't put tomatos in fruit salad.
"With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is not necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they are going to land, and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they fly overhead." - RFC 1925
Money can't buy happiness...
... But somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
... the results are undefined, and we all know what 'undefined' means: it means it works during development, it works during testing, and it blows up in your most important customers' faces. (By Scott Meyers, Effective C++)
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
- Gerald Weinberg
If Microsoft built cars......Oh wait, my new one IS running Windows. :eek:
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
I reject your reality, and substitute my own. (Adam Savage)
Blood is like a parachute ....
If it's not there when you need it, you'll probably never need it again !!!
Honk if you`ve never seen an uzi fired out the back of a car window. :D
If you can read this...I can slam on my brakes and sue you. :lol:
The best way to make a small fortune is to start with a large one.
"To Insanity and Beyond.."
There is no such thing on earth as an uninteresting subject; the only thing that can exist is an uninterested person.
"I was so poor growing up... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have nothing to play with." - Mark Lottering
'"We all spend lots of money on buying new clothes, but never realise that the best times are enjoyed without clothes" .. :D
ROTF LMAO !!!! :lol:
More Mark Lottering .. (I got lots of it.)
"During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel."
"It's been a rough day I got up this morning... put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.." - Mark Lottering
"I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up." - Mark Lottering (Theres a lot about how ugly he is comming up..)
I've collected loads of these (feel free to steal them: http://harcourtprogramming.onlinewebshop.net/quotes/). But the two I'll go with today is:
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
"If toast always lands butter side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens when you strap toast to the back of a cat?"*
*Please note: this test is invalid if a Shrodinger cat is used, as quantum will get involved...(I hope smeone reads Terry Pratchett, otherwise I'm just going to look strange).
What is a free gift ¿ Aren't all gifts free ¿ :confused:
What happens if you get scared half to death twice ¿ :)
Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.
- Brian W. Kernighan
When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through." - Mark Lottering.
I'm so ugly... my mother had morning sickness...
.... AFTER I was born. - Mark Lottering
Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents.
I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?"
He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide." - Mark Lottering
My Cousin is Deaf. He also has one arm shorter than the other.
He speaks sign language with an accent !!!
I hope these are okay. These are genuine advertisements placed in local newspapers.....
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica. No longer needed. Husband knows everything.
3 year old Sheepdog for sale. Eats anything. Especially fond of children.
2 Great Dames for sale.
German Shepherd for sale. Neutered. Like one of the family.
CLOTHING ALTERATIONS. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it all by hand.
AUTOMOBILE REPAIRS. Try us once and you’ll never go anywhere again.
CHILDRENS TOYS. 6 million dollar man for sale. $50.
Brand new parachute for sale. Never opened.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. - Mark Lottering
@John E : Excelent man, i've seen some of those before but they are some dam good ones, I loved the Clothing Alterations one .. :thumb:.
//This thread has made my day today! Man, can't remember when last I laughed like this :D
Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!