AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

[GremlinSA]

The Lottery Email Scam.....

Content-Type: text/plain
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Message-Id: <20070623002638.B618E443E6C@h50091.serverkompetenz.net>
Date: Sat, 23 Jun 2007 02:26:38 +0200 (CEST)


THE BRITISH LOTTERY
P O Box 1010 Liverpool, L70
1NL UNITED KINGDOM
(Customer's Service Center)
Ref Number: UK/9420X2/68
Batch Number: 074/05/ZY369
WINNING NOTIFICATION:

We happily announce to you the draw (#1004) of the UK LOTTERY online Sweepstakes
It is now available for claims and you are getting the final NOTIFICATION as regards this. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number:56475600545 188 with Serial number 5368/02 drew the lucky numbers: 10 14 26 28 33 38 23 Bonus Number 19, which subsequently won you the lottery in the 1st category i.e match 5 plus bonus.You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of £9,767,607(Nine million, seven hundred and sixty-seven thousand, six hundred and seven pounds sterling.For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential till your claims is processed and your money remitted to you in whatever manner you deem fit to claim your prize.

MR. Fraser Watford
Email:UKnationalonline_claimdepartment@yahoo.co.uk
Tel: +447011137117
Contact him by sending him with the under listed informations
1.Name.
2.Address.
3.Nationality.
4.Age.
5.Sex
6.Occupation.
7.Phone/Fax.
Sincerely,
Mr Fraser Watford
for UK NATIONAL LOTTERY.

We got two identical mails to the same address within an hour...

[Elrond]

I got that as well.

Next thing if you contact them, they'll probably ask for copies of your ID, bank account, ... and you'll understand the nice joke they are playing with you when your bank account ends up empty !

[Tom Frohman]

A guy goes into a restaurant named Vinny's where the sign says
"Buffet. All you can eat $5.95". He sits down and tells the waiter "I'll have the buffet!". He goes through the line and fills his plate.
After finishing the first plate, he starts to get up and go for a second helping.

At that moment Vinny, who is a huge former professional wrestler, runs out of the office and stops him from going into the line again and says "That's all you can eat."

[Three276Seven]

What kind of bee gives milk??

Boobeees.

[dglienna]

Gotta love doctors

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with Purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of Tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined That the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for Immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
Table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green , and Above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the Surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's Dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name

[dglienna]

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

Boy, does that ring true sometimes!

[dglienna]

Another sad but true tale:

Fire Authorities in California found a corpse in a burnt out section of forest whilst assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wetsuit, complete with a dive tank, flippers and face mask. A post mortem examination revealed that the person died not from burns but from massive internal injuries.
Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about determining how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that, on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast - some 20 kilometers away from the forest.
The firefighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large buckets. The buckets were dropped into the ocean for rapid filling, then flown to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing a breaststroke in a fire bucket 300m in the air. Apparently, he extinguished exactly 1.78m (5'10") of the fire.

Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

[Sarevok]

I came upon this in another forum.

An Easy way to explain things to your Wife

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

The husband says, "What?"

The wife explains that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen that night and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her Christmas shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewellery Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she doesn't care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says, "But you don't even play tennis! Well, okay if you like it then let's get it. You deserve the best for Christmas."

The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says, "I am ready to go, let's go to the cash register." The husband stops and says, "No, honey I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." The wife's face goes blank. "No honey, I just want you to hold this stuff for a while."

The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode and the husband says, "You must be in tune with my financial needs as a man."

[sunnypalsingh]

It was supposed to be a family magazine till they chose to publish this cover....

[sunnypalsingh]

For All Beerholder



How true!!!! Beauty lies in the eyes of Beer holder....

[GremlinSA]

Ask a stupid question... get a stupid answer!

I have a dog and was buying a large bag of Dog Chow at Costco, standing in line to check out. The woman behind me asked if I had a dog. (Duh!)
On impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again. Although, I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in hospital the last time. But I'd lost 20 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was standing behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street licking my as and a car hit me.
I thought the guy standing behind her was going to need help as he staggered to the door laughing.

[The Saint]

With a measly $1.43 left on my Blockbuster gift card, the only thing I could buy was a bag of candy. I was leaving the store when the cashier called out, "Have it back by Tuesday."


Courtesy: Reader's Digest

[The Saint]

When our commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud during a war game, he pointed to some men lounging around and told them to help. "Sorry, sir," said one, "we've been classified dead." "OK," said the C.O. Turning to his driver, he ordered, "Throw those dead bodies under the wheels to give us traction."
Submitted by Catherine Mount

Courtesy: Reader's Digest

[The Saint]

Working on a computer all day has definitely messed with my girlfriend's view of reality. We had just placed our lunch order, and as our waitress walked away, she slipped in a wet spot on the floor.

"How about that?" Amy observed dryly. "Our server is down."

-- Joseph Lassegard
Courtesy: Reader's Digest

[The Saint]

Employee: Boss, can I have the day off tomorrow?

Boss: So you want a day off. Let’s take a look at what you are asking for: There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I’ll be damned if you are going to take that day off!

-- Tabitha Odom
Courtesy: Reader's Digest