AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

[cilu]

The weather forcaster was dictating his secretary the forcast for Sunday:
"Sunday well have short shower rains. The air temperature..."
"Oh," says the secretary. "I was hoping to have a walk on Sunday."
"Fine," says the man. "Then cut off the rain."

[Mathew Joy]

[ merged threads : no reason to have a separate thread for each joke ]

Nice Joke..

[HanneSThEGreaT]

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this,

yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

[hitai]

class Sex
{

} ;

Sex woman ; // woman are Sex objects

[Ajay Vijay]

Sex woman ; // woman are Sex objects

Absolutely! Because when you ask for 'sex' they always 'object'...

[cilu]

Nice Joke..

Yeah... but... it wasn't a joke. Do you actually find it funny?

Absolutely! Because when you ask for 'sex' they always 'object'...

[Ajay Vijay]

Top 20 replies by Programmers to Testers when their programs don't work
20. "That's weird..."

19. "It's never done that before."

18. "It worked yesterday."

17. "How is that possible?"

16. "It must be a hardware problem."

15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"

14. "There is something funky in your data."

13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"

12. "You must have the wrong version."

11. "It's just some unlucky coincidence."

10. "I can't test everything!"

9. "THIS can't be the source of THAT."

8. "It works, but it hasn't been tested."

7. "Somebody must have changed my code."

6. "Did you check for a virus on your system?"

5. "Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?

4. "You can't use that version on your system."

3. "Why do you want to do it that way?"

2. "Where were you when the program blew up?"

And the Number One Reply by Programmers when their programs don't work:






GuessGuess.............










Come on, even u say it ......











Guess.............









1 ."It works on my machine"

[hankdane]

There must be something inherently wrong with our society when a supermodel is paid more money for an hour of work, than a schoolteacher will earn in ten years.

Why is that?

Bear in mind that for every supermodel, there are thousands of starving artists. Artists as a whole probably makes less than teachers. Even if they did make more than teachers, why is this inherently bad? Never understood that.

[hankdane]

> >> 3. The US national debt is about 5.62 trillion,
> >> if Bill Gates were to pay the debt by himself;
> >> he will finish it in less then 10 years.

I don't know about the other stats, but this is certainly wrong. Gates couldn't pay off the public debt in a lifetime.

Gates is ~50 years old and is worth about US$50 bln. So he spent his lifetime thus far amassing a fortune that is two orders of magnitude less than the public debt.

So humor me; what kind of math, however fantastic or fictional, can make him pay off the debt in a decade?

[hankdane]

Gates is ~50 years old and is worth about US$50 bln.

So humor me; what kind of math, however fantastic or fictional, can make him pay off the debt in a decade?

Actually, since the annual deficit is $500 bln, and Gates has a tenth of that, if Gates could suddenly make his life-time savings every year from now on -- a factor 50 increase of his average income so far -- then in 10 years, he could pay off one year's worth of deficits.

What this goes to show is how an amazingly big money sink Congress is.

[chmanish]

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.

A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"

[chmanish]

Rules Of The Air for Pilots

Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory
If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction.Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
Always try to keep the number of landing you make equal to the number of take-offs you've made.
There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
Good judgment comes from experience.Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
Remember, gravity is not just a good idea.It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.
The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.

[olivthill]

Q: Can you telephone from an airplane?
A: Who couldn't tell a phone from an airplane?

Q: What sort of planes have Irish people?
A: They have Eire Planes.

Q: Do you know where the Great Plains are?
A: At the great airports.

Q: Why do giraffes have long necks?
A: Because they have smelly feet.

[ovidiucucu]

World's Shortest and Best Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry
me?", and the girl said, "NO!" And the guy lived
happily ever after and went fishing, partied with his
friends, drove fast cars and generally did whatever he
wanted a lot when he wanted to do it.

[Mathew Joy]

Rules Of The Air for Pilots

Excellent