what we learn from movies

[darwen]

- Americans always live in huge houses with massive staircases and perfect gardens.
- Americans are always middle-class. Even the poor ones. Except for the cops.
- London is the only place in Britain with the only accent. In fact eveyone in the UK talks like Bridget Jones. Even the men (Hugh Grant ?).
- Everyone else in the world is inferior to the US and always asking for its help (except in Bond films of course where the reverse is true).
- It never, ever, ever rains in Britain. Or anywhere else in the world for that matter.
- If someone is divorced at the start of the film, they'll be re-married by the end.
- Children are cute, intelligent and loved by all. And never die nomatter how many bullets/explosions/laser beams are flying around killing everyone else. Usually when they try to save the kid.
- (continued) Never try to save a kid in a movie : you'll die first.
- Bad guys can't shoot straight.
- It doesn't matter how many qualifications/acheivements the bad guy has got in their speciality they'll always be defeated by the hero (e.g. Tommorrow Never Dies : women who's a gold medal olympic fencer being defeated by someone who's not).

Star Trek do's and dont's:
- Whatever illness you have Trichordrozine (ever heard of a trichorder ?) will cure you.
- Red shirts always die. As do the characters that you think 'Wesley Crusher usually sits there'.
- Doors are a higher artifically intelligent life form than Data as they can read minds.
- Don't go near any temporal anomolies unless you want to change the past.
- Going back in time is a bad idea : unless you want to right a wrong.
- The captain never dies, just his menials.
- Everyone in the universe has 2 arms and 2 legs unless they're invisible.
- Phasers never have any effect on anything.
- Klingons although bigger and stronger than humans are always beaten up by them.
- It's more dangerous to go in the holodeck than to go onto the surface of an uncharted planet.
- When in extreme danger which could destroy you at any second : have a meeting.

Darwen.