AAAh A joke(Lets share Jokes)

[Ajay Vijay]

Top 20 Oxymorons (Contradictory Words)


20. Government Organization

19. Alone Together

18. Personal Computer

17. Silent Scream

16. Living Dead

15. Same Difference

14. Taped Live

13. Plastic Glasses

12. Tight Slacks

11. Peace Force

10. Pretty Ugly

9. Daily special

8. Working Vacation

7. Tax Return

6. Virtual Reality

5. Dodge Ram

4. Work Party

3. Jumbo Shrimp

2. Healthy Tan

1. Microsoft Works

[YourSurrogateGod]

Hey, what do you know, Bob Pelvis is in there .

/has no idea who the guy is...

[YourSurrogateGod]

20. Government Organization

19. Alone Together

18. Personal Computer

17. Silent Scream

16. Living Dead

15. Same Difference

14. Taped Live

13. Plastic Glasses

12. Tight Slacks

11. Peace Force

10. Pretty Ugly

9. Daily special

8. Working Vacation

7. Tax Return

6. Virtual Reality

5. Dodge Ram

4. Work Party

3. Jumbo Shrimp

2. Healthy Tan

1. Microsoft Works

1 and 20 are my fav .

[Kheun]

I've seen the below in my college career...

struct mem * func_1(struct mem * value)
{
  struct node * value2;

  value2 = value;

  return value2;
}

if(x = 0
{
   // do something...
}

Both were written by the same person.

That's what happen when codes are not being reviewed. New people have to take a great deal of time to learn through the hard way.

[YourSurrogateGod]

That's what happen when codes are not being reviewed. New people have to take a great deal of time to learn through the hard way.

This was for a class, not in a company. One of my friends worked with this person and he found out about the screw up much too late and therefore got screwed when grading time came.

[Ajay Vijay]

Dont look at the program syntax and other issues:

#include<STD ISD PCO.h>
#include<love.h>
#define ITEM beautiful_lady    

main()
{
    goto college;
    scanf("100%",&ladies);

    if(lady == ITEM)
        line++;
    while( !reply )
    { 
  
        printf("I Love U");    
                                    
       scanf("100%",&reply); 
    }

    if(reply == "SCOLDS")        
        main();  /* go back and repeat the process */ 
    
else if(reply ==  "SANDAL ")      
      exit(1);                
                  

  
    else if(reply == "I Love U")      
    {
        lover = MAAL;      
        love = (heart*)malloc(sizeof(lover));
    }

    goto restaurant;

    restaurant:
    {
        food++;
        smile++;
        pay->money = lover->money;
        return(college);
    }
  
    if(time==2.30)
    goto cinema;
      
    cinema:
    {
        watch++;
          touch++ ;  
      if(intermission)
        {
        coke++; 
        smoke++;
      
        }
    }

    if(time == 6.00)
    goto park;

    park:
    {
        for(time=6.30;time<=8.30;time+=0.001)
            kiss = kiss+1;    
    }

    free(lover);
    return(home);
  
    if(time ==9.30)
      goto pub;
  
    pub:
    {
      friends++;
      party++;
      booze++;      
    smoke++;    
      
      if(pub.close())      
      {
        pay->bill();
        come->out();
      }
    }
  
  if (highly->intoxicated)
        goto friendsroom;
  else
  {
      sweetpan++; 
      polo++;
      goto home;
  }

  friendsroom:
  { 
      goto sleep;
  }
  
  home:
  {
      if(mom.shouts())
      {
        reason=(combinedstudy || projectwork || friendsbday);
        say->reason;    
      }
      if(dad.shouts())
              shut->yourmouth();

      call->lover();
      if(phone->voice==(lover_dad->voice || lover_mom->voice))
      {
          hang++;
      }
      else if(phone->voice==lover->voice)
      {
        for(time=12:30;time<=1.30;time+=0.001)
        {
        say->ILuvU; 
        scanf("100%",&reply); /* "I Love U" already stored in reply */
        }
      }
      goto sleep;
    }

  sleep:
  {
      *(dream)=love;    
  }
}

[YourSurrogateGod]

................

The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.

Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"

The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed." So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared.

A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a VERY cold winter?"

"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

[mike200]

IRISH CONFESSION

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And, who was the woman you were with?"

"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Kelly?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Liz Shannon?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't name her."

"Was it Cathy Morgan?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church mass for three months. Be off with you now."

Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Three month's vacation and five good leads"

[RoboTact]

I translated the following from russian, so a bit was lost, maybe there is native english variant?

!___________no
&!_________and no!
!,!&!________no, no and no!
.___________period.
!&._________no and period!
=___________same
*___________all
~*__________not all
*=__________all the same
~*=?________isn't it all the same?
*>&>_______all more and more
#___________precisely
!#__________approximately
!#*_________almost all
$?__________have money?
>!__________no more
#!?_________really haven't?
!4u_________not for you
&?_________and what?
&!?________and nothing!

[John E]

Not a joke - but a curiosity....

Why is it that when scientists tell us there are 400 billion stars in the known universe, we automatically take their word for it - BUT......

whenever you see a sign saying 'WET PAINT' you always have to touch the paint, just to make sure....???

[Joe Nellis]

Another curiousity is that the number of predicted stars goes up with every new prediction. Due to laws of probability it is increasingly more likely that one of those stars has a wet paint sign on it, and some one would still probably touch it.

[Zeb]

Another curiousity is that the number of predicted stars goes up with every new prediction. Due to laws of probability it is increasingly more likely that one of those stars has a wet paint sign on it, and some one would still probably touch it.

of all the known planets that have been explored to a reasonable extent, 100% of them do indeed have a "wet paint" sign on them. From this we can then assume that 100% of unknown or unexplored planets also have "wet paint" signs. So your theory, based on my extensive sample data, holds true.

[cilu]

Theory of cats: a cat has 9 tails.
Demo: no cat has 8 tails. No cat has one tail more than the others, thus a cat has 9 tails.
Q.E.D.

[Deniz]

In a beautiful summer's day, two tourists were driving through Wales.

At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogh they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the waitress, "Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?"

The girl leaned over and said, "burrr-gurrr-king."

[ejmw]

Dam* you Deniz. I just spit diet coke up on my keyboard!